how to hit on girls without being creepy?

[Rel]

pppbbbttt!!!

And I mean it.

Well, I rest my case.

 

[nerfherder]

DU (way back in post #200, I need to make sure I'm really on the last page before posting dag-nabbit!) is actually on to something, pick up a team sport (I too prefer rugby) *and* a hobby (theater did it for me). They both will help you with social skills, and meeting people. The sport will hep get you into shape (if needed) and help with confidence, and as long as one or both of the activities involve members of the oppisite sex, you will get to meet "womens" too. And if nothing romantic comes of it, you have learned someting new, got in some exercise and probably made some new friends.

Broaden you cultural horizons, it will give you more to talk about than your 17th level ranger and his polar bear animal compainion next time you are in need of conversation fodder.

I don't know about in the US, but in the UK Salsa dancing clubs are quite popular. Go along to a beginners class and you will be literally forced to interact with 20 or 30 women. The great thing about dancing classes is a) they are more popular with women than men - think about your gaming group, but exchange women for men and b) you are made to swap dance partner every couple of minutes, so you are constantly saying hi to a new girl and having a good laugh with them.

Which reminds me, my local class starts up again tomorrow night after the holiday break

Cheers,
Liam

 

[Hida Bukkorosu]

It sounds a lot like when I tell a girl "I'll call you" at the end of an evening, knowing that I have no intention of doing so. Telling her that I didn't have a good enough time to call her up again is not an action that bears any fruit for me whatsoever. As such, I don't do it.

see, i would never do that, i think it's evil. as evil as "let's be friends" when you have no intention of being friends.

i value and appreciate blunt honesty. i would much rather hear "you're not my type" than "let's just be friends". and if i didn't enjoy a woman's company, i'd say "i don't think we're very compatible, and i wish you best of luck in your future endeavors". i'm not going to leave her hanging expecting a call that will never come.

it's just plain not right. it's not just non-good, it's a downright evil act to decieve someone in such a manner.

 

[Teflon Billy]

...it's just plain not right. it's not just non-good, it's a downright evil act to decieve someone in such a manner.

Heh. Ok mna, if you say so. Though if that is your high-water mark for evil, you should really see more of the world.

I'm not sure why you would place such a high premium on rudeness (or "blunt honesty" as you call it), and I am entirely uncertain why you think the following conversation...

[bq]Me: "Thanks for the evening, I'll call you"

Her: "Ok, bye bye"[/bq]

Is somehow more evil than

[bq]Me: "I don't think I'll be calling"

Her: "why not?"

Me: "You are not as interesting in person as you were described. Also you are fatter"[/bq]

Everyone thinks they want blunt honesty, but all that the elimination of the face-saving, feeling sparing white lies that make up a decent portion of what the majority of the folks in the world call Social Interaction does is ensure that people will feel terrible most of the time, instead of some of the time.

So when your Boss asks you if you like his new (and ugly) toupee, do you tell him "you look ing ridiculous. Take that thing off" or is your blunt honesty mitigated by financial compensation in the same way that your invioble taste in clothing is?

I don't think you want help Hida. I'm not sure what you do want, but you have shot down all advice given you here and in that "Are gamers this pathetic" thread.

 

[Teflon Billy]

I don't know about in the US, but in the UK Salsa dancing clubs are quite popular. Go along to a beginners class and you will be literally forced to interact with 20 or 30 women. The great thing about dancing classes is a) they are more popular with women than men - think about your gaming group, but exchange women for men and b) you are made to swap dance partner every couple of minutes, so you are constantly saying hi to a new girl and having a good laugh with them...

Sounds like gold to me. But if the example we've seen thus far holds true, you are about to be told that he "isn't into Dancing"

 

[Crothian]

Sounds like gold to me. But if the example we've seen thus far holds true, you are about to be told that he "isn't into Dancing"

Why would he? It's exercise, it is so not what he thinks of himself doing, and it might actually work. Three things he is obviously against.

 

[Obryn]

see, i would never do that, i think it's evil. as evil as "let's be friends" when you have no intention of being friends.

i value and appreciate blunt honesty. i would much rather hear "you're not my type" than "let's just be friends". and if i didn't enjoy a woman's company, i'd say "i don't think we're very compatible, and i wish you best of luck in your future endeavors". i'm not going to leave her hanging expecting a call that will never come.

it's just plain not right. it's not just non-good, it's a downright evil act to decieve someone in such a manner.

Crap, I step away from the computer for 15 minutes, and already TB said most of what I wanted to say.

Look, you're trying to define everything in D&D terms again. Social courtesy is not "evil"; it's expected. If we didn't have it, I guarantee you you'd be a hell of a lot more depressed than you are now. For instance, this whole thread we've been telling you how to not be creepy and improve your chances, and you've thrust aside every bit of helpful advice given to you.

You don't want hard, honest reality - you want a convenient fiction of clear-cut good and evil where somehow a guy who puts no work into his appearance or behavior can meet and have sex with women.

In addition, if you can't take "Let's just be friends" or its ilk as a rejection, and understand it as such, I have to wonder what rock you've been under. Sure, it's a case where someone doesn't say exactly what they mean, but that's par for the course with getting along in society. You've created a possibly uncomfortable situation for the other person, and it's unfair to expect them to do anything than gently retreat if they're not interested. They don't owe you candid honesty about their feelings.

-O

 

[Teflon Billy]

...In addition, if you can't take "Let's just be friends" or its ilk as a rejection, and understand it as such, I have to wonder what rock you've been under. Sure, it's a case where someone doesn't say exactly what they mean, but that's par for the course with getting along in society...

Which brings me back to my question about Asperger's Syndrome

 

[Stone Angel]

I agree with TB girls don't really like honesty too much. If she is wearing a horrible sweater and asks how she looks and you say not so good you see that translates to women as "Oh so you don't appreciate the 2.5 hours I just spent getting ready"

Girls like agreeability(is this even a word?) espicially when it is related to their three feet of personal space.

Hida you are focusing on all the wrong things here. Your worried about pennies and nickles when you should be looking at your greenbacks. The best way to improve your comfort level around women is to talk and hang around them more. If you need to take baby steps take baby steps, if you need to be pushed in take a friend and have him drown you. Go to a bar have a few drinks and talk to as many girls as you can. I wish you were closer I would take you out and "help" you if I could.


The Seraph of Earth and Stone

 

[Pbartender]

I agree with TB girls don't really like honesty too much. If she is wearing a horrible sweater and asks how she looks and you say not so good you see that translates to women as "Oh so you don't appreciate the 2.5 hours I just spent getting ready"

Girls like agreeability(is this even a word?) espicially when it is related to their three feet of personal space.

My wife, the exception... and oddly enough this also ties in with TB's suggestions of being a little confrontatonal.

My wife, would smack me up side the head, if I lied to her about that sweater. She'd rather hear the truth from me, know the sweater looks terrible, and change into something better looking, than have me lie to her about it, and end up looking like a fool amongst a crowd later that night.

In fact, when she asked last summer I told her flat out, "I don't know which swimsuit fits you better, but the one you're wearing makes you look fat." She thanked me, and put the one suimsuit back on the shelf.l

My wife doesn't want me to be an . She wants me to be confident and self-reliant enough to be able to take care of myself, to stand up for myself, and to stand up for her when she isn't able to.