how to hit on girls without being creepy?

[Humanophile]

ok.... today i was at taco bell, and there was a girl there she smiled at me and said hi from across the room. i said hi and smiled but was too scared to approach her and try to flirt with her (she was there alone as was i).

why? cause i was worried she might be underage and that people would think i'm some kind of pervert or something...

but now i feel like i blew a chance to talk to a really cute girl...

is my fear reasonable? is there an accepted way of asking a girl if she's old enough to be flirted with or not?

First, at your age, so long as she's post-pubescent she's old enough to be flirted with. Your goal right now should be playful conversation. People don't pay enough attention to really notice that a twenty year old is talking to a sixteen year old or whatever.

Second, and more importantly. Try to remember this as your mantra next time you're in a situation like this. Will you ever see any of the people in that Taco Bell again? Odds are pretty good that you won't be socializing with any of them unless you make a point of it to. So remind yourself that you'll get practice chatting up girls, probably have a nice time, and maybe make a new friend. All those positives vs. the risk of looking odd in front of people you'll never have to deal with. (And trust me, the risk is far less than you think it is.) Remind yourself that next time you need to bolster your nerve.

(You probably come off as nice and nebbishy, the "good friend not the boyfriend" type. For the moment, ignore Teflon Billy's advice and come across as you are. You won't get action, but you'll likely have a pleasant conversation. Early on, you can even admit "I'm not used to talking to girls". As you build your people skills and confidence by seeing that people can actually enjoy talking to you, that's when you begin to position yourself for more.)

Finally, the age issue. Like I said above, so long as she doesn't look thirteen or so you can go up and talk to her. Some time during the conversation you can ask her age, either indirectly ("so where do you go to school?") or directly. When one of you has to go, if you've enjoyed the conversation and if she's old enough, you can ask if you can get ahold of her some time in the future. There's no law against having a conversation with a young'un, and if she looks like she's probably old enough to you other people will probably assume the same if they see you chatting her up.

 

[Torm]

why? cause i was worried she might be underage and that people would think i'm some kind of pervert or something...

"I'd like an order of fries,
a Quarter-Pounder with Cheese.
I love the light in your eyes.
Will you go out with me, please?"
- McDonald's Girl by The Blenders (also covered by Barenaked Ladies in concert)

You'll want to be careful when chatting up women where they work that you don't do it in a fashion that causes them work problems, and also, be sure before talking to her that you're prepared to not go to that Taco Bell for a while. Other than that, I wouldn't worry about people thinking you're a pervert just for talking to her. I think younger, single men are kind of expected to be a little, by most people with any sense.

P.S. I am not a lawyer, so advice is worth what was paid for it , but in Texas the age of consent is 17, not 18, and regardless, unless you end up having a REAL bad day with the wrong parents or officers of the law, authorities tend to ignore situations with less than 4 years of difference in age between the parties involved. Just some stuff to bear in mind that may or may not apply.

P.P.S. I love cranking the Blenders' version of the above song while waiting for my food or change at a fast food drive thru.

 

[Hida Bukkorosu]

yeah, but i'm 27

 

[Teflon Billy]

This thing is starting to smell like a work :\

 

[Hida Bukkorosu]

nope, i only wish it was a work. i took a long time to finish college, and two and a half years off working at a movie theatre while living with my parents.

i've recently deconverted from religious fundamentalism, and living in the insular subculture where people tell you that "waiting on god's timing" is the way to get a girl, and thinking i had to be married before i got to experience anything has left me kind of behind in the life experience department, especially when you throw emotional immaturity into the mix.

 

[Torm]

i've recently deconverted from religious fundamentalism, and living in the insular subculture where people tell you that "waiting on god's timing" is the way to get a girl, and thinking i had to be married before i got to experience anything has left me kind of behind in the life experience department, especially when you throw emotional immaturity into the mix.

Well.... ya have tried yer church social to meet women? Surely, ya have?

 

[DeadlyUematsu]

The fact that this topic was even brought up reminds me why I pulled out of the "dating" scene. I got better things to do than play emotionally destructive games with potentially disastrous economical and social outcomes.

Anyway, a lot of the advice given here is outdated, won't work, and is embarrassingly half-hearted. Hida, if you are going to pursue this path, do a search for Tom Leykis. You'll find his advice much more useful but personally I would rather pick up a new hobby or sport (like watercolor or rugby). Consider doing the same.

[Edit: Heh. Looked up 'fatalistic'. Serves me right.]

 

[Darkness]

potentially fatalistic economical and social outcomes.

Potentially predetermined (by fate) and thus unalterable economical and social outcomes? Say what?

 

[Torm]

Anyway, a lot of the advice given here is outdated, won't work, and is embarrassingly half-hearted.

Well, now, how rude. I may have disagreed with others' given advice, but I certainly wouldn't have suggested that it was given half-heartedly....

I would rather pick up a new hobby or sport (like watercolor or rugby). Consider doing the same.

Yes. Check these guys out, too. I mean, if you're going to be alone for a while, you may as well at least find a noble cause to tell yourself it is for.

 

[DeadlyUematsu]

Well, now, how rude. I may have disagreed with others' given advice, but I certainly wouldn't have suggested that it was given half-heartedly....

I was making a generalization because I was referring to a broad body of advisors. Sorry I couldn't grade everyone seperately.

Yes. Check these guys out, too. I mean, if you're going to be alone for a while, you may as well at least find a noble cause to tell yourself it is for.

Heh. Yeah, I seemed to come off that way. Nonetheless, there's a difference between finding a partner and refusing to date. I refuse the latter because I don't need it for the former.