how to hit on girls without being creepy?

[Queen_Dopplepopolis]

And I think the bottom of all this discussion is blindingly simple, albeit hardly easy. If you want to hit on girls and not come across as creepy, stop being so creepy.

Amen!

 

[Angcuru]

I can't believe that it took 9 pages to get to that simple truth.

 

[Orblivia]

I can't believe that it took 9 pages to get to that simple truth.

Yea but the over arching question fellas was "HOW DO I NOT BE CREEPY"

he know NOT being creepy is good, he doesnt know how.

Hence 9 pages.

 

[Buttercup]

i do try to bathe, shave, and use deodorant when i'm going to places i know girls might be.

Here's a big part of your problem. Bathe, shave and use deodorant every day. Without fail. Hygiene isn't optional.

i don't understand what you mean by "excessive intellectualization"? am i not supposed to think about things and analyze them? i don't understand how that's scary?

Trust me, it's scary. Human interaction isn't supposed to work according to a chart--it's supposed to be spontaneous. Counselling, dude. Your university probably provides it to students for free.

body language is something i don't pick up on real well.

Did I mention you need counselling? Honest. This is not normal, and you need to see if someone can help you fix it. You'll be much happier if you go and talk to someone about your issues.

the thing is fear. fear is the obstacle i'm struggling to overcome, and i'm trying to minimse the fear by seeking advice on how to be bolder about meeting girls without doing so in an inappropriate manner.

I understand that. However, your tendency to over-intellectualize, and your use of D&D alignment as though it's real, and the fact that you have had problems with some basic aspects of human interaction, and your lack of dedication to personal hygiene combine into a barrier that is far more of a hindrance to you than your fear. Because even if you wake up tomorrow feeling brave, if you don't fix the other stuff, you're going to have trouble getting a date.

There is no shame in getting counselling. It will never in your life be cheaper than while you're a college student. Do yourself a favor and seek help.

 

[Obryn]

I understand that. However, your tendency to over-intellectualize, and your use of D&D alignment as though it's real, and the fact that you have had problems with some basic aspects of human interaction, and your lack of dedication to personal hygiene combine into a barrier that is far more of a hindrance to you than your fear. Because even if you wake up tomorrow feeling brave, if you don't fix the other stuff, you're going to have trouble getting a date.

Buttercup...

Have I told you recently I love you?

-O

 

[Obryn]

And there's nothing wrong with gaming. I can describe gaming in a way that makes me seem cool, intelligent, and creative. But it sure isn't the first thing out of my mouth either - blathering on about your sophmoric mastubatory power fulfilment character isn't going to score any points. Just has to be framed in the right way.

Maddman, I know we agree on this one, so don't take this as a criticism of you or your post. It's just a point I want to make, and you just built me a soapbox!

And this seems like a good chance to make half of ENWorld hate me, all in one fell swoop!

There's a big difference between gaming and being a gamer. Gaming is ... well, not precisely cool, but people who game can definitely get dates. It's a fun hobby if you don't let it take over your life, and a good way to spend a few hours with friends and drink a few beers.

Then there's gamers. I'm positive you know some. Maybe you are one yourself. These are the people whose lives revolve around role-playing and might be kinda lost outside of a game. You know, the kind of people who might describe themselves as "chaotic good" or think of others in terms of what character class they'd be. (And not just as a party joke, either.)

Hida sounds to me more like a gamer. Not a good gamer, either (and there are plenty). A stereotypical gamer. A not-bathing, shabby-dressing, socially inept, potentially smelly, black-tee-wearing, telling-me-about-his-character-for-20-minutes, overintellectualizing, creepy, arrogant, lazy gamer.

Gamers can get dates - though mostly this is with other gamers. There's nothing wrong with this. Let's face it, though. Male gamers outnumber female gamers by a huge margin, and most female gamers will find they have the pick of the litter. So the female gamers get the cream of the male gamer crop, and the rest of the gamers get left out in the cold. (Unless they know one of those creepy polyamorous gamer queen bees...)

Nobody's saying don't game. At least, I'm not. However, if what you are looking for is a date or a screw, and prostitutes aren't an option, you have 2 options as I see it. (1) Stay a gamer, but be one of the good gamers who can function in the outside world and who has good hygiene. Basically, be the cream of the gamer crop and date/hook up with nice gamer girls. Or (2) Keep gaming, but don't be a gamer. Find things in the world outside of polyhedrals and pencils that keep your interest.

Either way, it's a long, hard road. And Hida needs to kind of acknowledge that he may need to go through some changes before he can get some dates. He's been bemoaning his lack of success but has rebuffed almost every piece of advice anyone has given him so far. Hygeine, clothing, and (as buttercup suggested) counseling may be good starting points.

-O

 

[Desdichado]

Buttercup...

Have I told you recently I love you?

She had me with "I can read Old English..."

 

[Buttercup]

Aw, you guys.

 

[Three_Haligonians]

Hmm, I always feel compeled to respond to these kind of questions....

Honestly, I was a very awkward young woman in junior and high school and I found asking men out to be just as difficult. Loads of guys I liked wouldn't give me the time of day (I don't think anyone has gone through life withought being rejected) and the idea of asking someone on a date made me so nervous I'm sure I came across as creepy on more than one occasion. Then, one day, I just woke up and thought to myself "WhO CARES"? I was so tired of trying to be not ...well, creepy, I guess....that I was being creepy! So I wen't out to have fun, not necessarily to pick up, and I found things got much easier. Men who liked me for who I actually was seemed to come out of the woodwork, and they were men that I liked (wow, doesn't take a genius to figure out why THAT happened).

Anyways, eventually I found an ideal mate and we've been going out for several years. I've been known to skip the occasional shower and NEITHER of us shave on a regular basis....big deal!

Hope that is helpful in some way,

T from Three Haligonians

 

[Dark Jezter]

Trying to get girls to like you, eh? Well, I might not be raking in as much tail as Colin Farrell, but I've dated a few girls in my day. Here are a few tips from me, even though some of them have already been gone over.

Chicks dig confidence: There are perhaps eight women in the world's entire female population who think that shyness and insecurity are sexy. All other women are looking for a guy who won't freeze up and panic when approached by a member of the opposite gender.

Try to make yourself presentable: This has been mentioned many times already, but it can't be mentioned enough. Bathe or shower every day, put on deodarant, brush your teeth, comb your hair, don't pick your nose or pop your zits in public, shave (or if you insist on having facial hair, make sure it's neatly trimmed), wear clean clothes, and make sure that said clothing matches and isn't too out of style. Staying in shape won't hurt either.

Don't agree with everything she says: If you agree with everything she says and jump to her every request, you'll never become more than the guy she uses as a shoulder to cry on, or in the event that you do get involved with her, she'll be walking all over you for the entire relationship. Show some independence and don't be afraid to disagree with her on things.

Don't go overboard on the first date: A simple lunch is great for a first date; if things don't work out, you've only wasted an hour and a few bucks.

You will encounter rejection: Some girls you ask out will already have boyfriends, and some just plain won't be interested. When that happens, just smile, say "No problem", and walk away. Do not act hurt or disappointed because that will just make you look pathetic.

Like I said, mostly stuff that's been gone over already.