Humorous descriptions for skill failures/successes

[StupidSmurf]

A "1" on a Knowledge(dragons) check:

"Not only do you fail to remember what an amethyst dragon's breath weapon is, you also are hard pressed to remember what ANY dragon's breath is, what a dragon even LOOKS like, and I wouldn't put down any money on you successfully spelling the word 'dragon' right about now."

A "1" roll on a Sense Motive check, with the check's target being a Lawful Good, Lathander-worshipping, Ranger grand-daughter of a high level Paladin of Lathander:

"You get the sense that this woman is a half-succubus/half-concubine assassin who's really wishes to kill you, your children, and your children's children, if given but half the chance."

A "1" on an Apprasial check against a polished piece of stone (Stone of Earth Elemental Command):

"After looking it over, you are convinced that you hold in your hands a fossilized piece of poo."

 

[Thornir Alekeg]

Knowledge checks I fail miserably usually lead to the Sergeant Shultz "I know nothing!"

Jump: With a mighty heave you jump across the chasm between two cobblestones.

Pick Pockets (sleight of hand): You should probably start with a kiss...

 

[Dragonhelm]

Good ones, StupidSmurf. I'm going to keep those in mind.

What I love is using Sense Motive when people are trying to figure out if a guy is telling the truth or not. I love it when they believe a guy is telling the truth when he's lying his pants off.

You know, this would make for a good article.

 

[Kid Socrates]

While a 1 isn't an instant failure, oftentimes it's at least a failure, in my experience running. We just have overwhelming sarcasm.

GM: Spot checks, all.
Kogel: I rolled a 19, so with all my bonuses... 38.
Naoko: "It's a bird, it's a plane, it's Alpha Centauri!"

I had a rogue who rolled a natural 20 on a Reflex save to dive from a crashing carriage, which ended up being something like a 28 at low levels, and the GM ruled I flipped through the window of the building the carriage hit, landed on a carpet, hit the deck, and slid through a room until coming to rest safely underneath a comfy bed.

I also rolled a one with a different character and jumped in an otyugh's mouth.

I talk about the first one a lot more than the latter.

 

[DreadPirateMurphy]

Rolled a "1" on a Diplomacy check to improve the attitude of the mayor's daughter, who we had just rescued from captivity. We speculated that I tried to break the ice by telling a dirty joke about her mother, who had just died recently.

 

[StupidSmurf]

Good ones, StupidSmurf. I'm going to keep those in mind.

What I love is using Sense Motive when people are trying to figure out if a guy is telling the truth or not. I love it when they believe a guy is telling the truth when he's lying his pants off.

You know, this would make for a good article.

1. Thanks! Glad to be of service!
2. Yeah, I get a warm special feeling when I sucker the party in on a nice lie!
3. It WOULD make a great article...possibly in, oh, I don't know, an April issue of Dragon?

And of course, AFTER I sent my initial post, and AFTER I edited said post for errors (and looking at it again, I see I missed one..dang), I thought of another failure, and ironically, this one was the most recent, so it should've been fresh in my mind.

I have three kids who game in my campaign. The youngest is what most folks would call a very mature 12. Well, he plays a Wood Elf Ranger from the High Forest (Silver Marches). Recently, the campaign's main antagonist, a ghost, visited the rooms of the PCs during the night and confronted them (long story short: the party has something the ghost wants and needs). So, one of the party's rogues leaps out the two-story window of the bedroom, into the dark stormy night, does a Tumble check, lands on his feet, and starts running desperately towards the temple of Lathander. The ghost sneers, passes through the bedroom wall, and begins flying after the fleeing rogue.

My son's Ranger decides he needs to give chase. He leaps out the window (!) and tries a Tumble check. He rolled a 1. Here is a pretty darn close approximation to what I announced to him and the group.

"Ah ok. Well, emboldened by your comrade's success at leaping out the window, you give out a loud 'Huzzah!' and fling yourself out the window, hoping to duplicate your friend's success and follow him. Unfortunately, the toe of your boot catches on the window sill, and you fall to earth with all the grace of a sack of potatoes and hit the mud with a sickening SQUELCH. Oh, and let me roll those 2d6 for falling damage."

And, although this wasn't a result of a "1", this last session we played brought out the following description of a fast-flying gargoyle getting shot out of the sky and hitting the hard granite floor of a cathedral:

"The creature hits the ground with a squishing noise that sounds very much like what a pair of pantyhose filled with chocolate pudding and tossed off a rooftop would make when it hits the asphalt."

Admittedly, it wasn't an original metaphor (I got it from an episode of Letterman), but it stopped my group in its tracks, and we all had a hysterical laugh over it.

 

[TracerBullet42]

First off: FOR THE LOVE OF SANITY! THERE IS NO AUTO-FAIL (1) /AUTO-SUCCEED (20) ON SKILL CHECKS -- NO SKILL FUMBLES OR CRITICALS!

Geez.

I think a lot of people play with a "house-rule" on auto failure/success on skill checks. We play that way...I think it's more fun. There's always a chance you'll screw up, and it's more fun that way!

 

[Quasqueton]

I think a lot of people play with a "house-rule" on auto failure/success on skill checks. We play that way...I think it's more fun. There's always a chance you'll screw up, and it's more fun that way!

It's ironic how some folks complain about how a natural 1/20 on attacks and saves is an auto fail/success, and yet some people want the natural 1/20 rule to also apply to skills.

Quasqueton

 

[Evilhalfling]

My HR is that anytime you would be prevented from taking a 10 on a skill you are also badly enough distracted to botch it.

1 on initiative - tradtionally players announce "Im shocked and amazed" (still cant botch initiative)

1 on survival check (while tracking) There was a large circus set up on this spot the night before. At least you pretty sure those are zebra tracks.

1 on attack roll, throwing a suriken - your shuriken gets stuck in an overhead tree branch.
player throws a second shuriken to knock the first loose - nat 20
"the 2nd shot hits the first percisely and both drop directly into your waiting grasp. "
of course he was playing a character named batgnome.

 

[Quasqueton]

1 on initiative - tradtionally players announce "Im shocked and amazed" (still cant botch initiative)

I had a dwarf cleric with a 6 Dex. Once rolled a 1 on initiative -2 = -1. At the time I joked about using Refocus (was 3.0), but it was pointed out that would give me an 18, and I'd still would be behind 3 other PCs.

Quasqueton