Oooh...70 necro...mana please! 70 chanter myself
Unfortunately my computer chair broke so I'm spending more time around the gaming table lately. Wierd the little things that affect our lives.
All good advice so far. The advice I would add, isn't so much as advice as it is experiences I've had, from very good to very bad and from girls in my home town in Alaska to girls in different countries whose language I don't really speak. Interestingly, I've learned a lot through retrospective thinking.
1. Be yourself. Always good advice. There isn't much use finding out if you and another person will get along with a faked version of yourself - unless you want to keep faking that as long as you know them. A large part of that is be honest, to the extent that you don't lie. At least, if you plan to have any kind of friendship/relationship with the person for an extended period of time. With all that in mind, I think it is normal for people to exxagerate stories, put their best face on, and downplay their self-perceived faults. I think that's all ok (mainly because I do most of those things myself), as long as it is kept honest.
2. Intensity is an interesting thing. I am a fairly intense person myself, but with fluctuations - sometimes I feel very intense, sometimes I feel very laid back. I have found a wide variety of responses (in myself and others). For me, I find that someone being 'passionate' about something - anything - gives them more character and I like that. On the flip side, if someone is super-passionate about something that I know nothing about or am not interested in, or am passionate about the other side of, I will appreciate that they have passion then almost immediately hope they change the subject. I also notice that people who are relatively on the same 'wavelength' tend to feed off of each other. If there is an interesting topic that both of you are into, you'll go more and more into it, getting louder and talking faster usually, and it'll be a great connection. My suggestions on that - if you're both very laid back, or very passionate about the same thing, it will all be good. If one of you is passionate but the other isn't, or if you are passionate about different things, I suggest trying to get the annoyed/freaked/worried vocie in your head to shut up and lsiten to the girl. Try to relate whatever she's talking about to something you know about, and talk about that - new and interesting connections can spawn their own conversations that can sometimes be more interesting than re-hashing old information.
3. Topics and talking. People like to hear about other peoples lives and thoughts, but they also like to talk about themselves. If you find yourself talking a lot, pause a minute and ask her a question about herself. If you find yourself talking a WHOLE lot, its sometimes appropriate to laugh and apologize about talking so much first. If she is talkin ga lot, let her if it doesnt bother you, but still throw in a thought here and there when she pauses for breath. I find it helps to have a few topics that she might find relatively interesting ready to talk about - an uncomfortable silence isn't necessarily bad, but a lot of them usually are. Also - when she is talking - listen to her. Don't just wait for your turn to talk (though preparing your thoughts isn't bad), but really listen to what she says.
4. Body language and facial expressions. This is a science in and of itself, and I don't begin to know much about it. But, try to notice how she acts/reacts when you are talking, dancing, etc. Obvious ones are leaning toward you when she's interested in the conversation, glazed look in her eyes when she isn't, etc. Also, it's probably different for everyone, but I look people in the eyes when I am talking to them. I think eyes say a lot, and its hard to explain until you try it. Some people might find it wierd or intense or intimidating or something, I dunno, but I generally do it and think its a good idea.
5. It's all flexible. I have found that very good situations turn out not so good and very bad situations turn out great, at times. I don't mean worry about it - I mean notice it. One of the best saving graces I have found if things are going 'wierd' is to really be myself. As in, act like I'm hanging out with a guy friend and just relaxing. Relaxing is good - it helps me think more clearly usually.
6. Do whatever is right for you. I have been babbling much more than I expected about dating tips - but I am on my third wife and may not be the best source for this kind of thing
. Despite my fathers feelings, I think everyone has to learn from their own experiences (and mistakes at times). So, read all the random things I typed, but go with whatever works for you (and hopefully her).
I'm going to stop now before I sound like Dr. Ruth. Great luck, and let us know how it goes. Because I am married (again) I am going to date vicariously through you
.
Aaron
p.s. if my advice helps, just make sure she says my name a lot
