I just chewed out my players

[Squire James]

As a DM with many years of experience, I know it is a BIG pain to plan for a game and have players not show up for what seems like trivial reasons. For instance, I've learned not to base major campaign events that depend on one particular player to show up, even if that player normally ALWAYS shows up. You can be sure that event will fall on his birthday, and he will plan an elaborate Disney trip for that very weekend!

I think being blunt and honest is the best policy. Sometimes a person can severely test a friendship with it, but I am of the opinion that real friendships can pass a few tests, and false friendships need to be detected and dealt with early.

If you wonder why politicians break promises all the time, just look at what normal people do.

 

[S'mon]

1. Establish a regular time, and stick to it (for example, the last lengthy campaign I ran was every two weeks, on Sunday, 1200-1800). For the folks committed to the game, this allows them to plan ahead, and gradually adjust family events to work around the game.

2. Establish a "quorum" rule -- a minimum number of players required to run the game (With six players, my minimum was usually three).

Olgar has lots of excellent advice, but I want to call these two out as particularly important.

#1 - set a regular schedule, so players get used to playing Sunday fortnightly etc and can schedule other social events to avoid clashing, if they want. Avoid negotiations over the date.

#2 - Run the game when you say you'll run it. Don't cancel a game just because one player can't make it. Having 5 or 6 players and run if 3+ can make it works best, in my experience.

Oh, and Meetup games with strangers can be loads of fun. For one thing, they're likely to be with people who are pretty enthusiastic and committed to actually playing!

 

[S'mon]

As a DM with many years of experience, I know it is a BIG pain to plan for a game and have players not show up for what seems like trivial reasons. For instance, I've learned not to base major campaign events that depend on one particular player to show up, even if that player normally ALWAYS shows up. You can be sure that event will fall on his birthday, and he will plan an elaborate Disney trip for that very weekend!

Yeah, this can be quite a crushing experience IMO. It
always seems to happen that when I'ved prepped a major session centred around a particular player character, the player leaves the country at short notice, forever!

 

[fireinthedust]

This is waaaaay beyond the minor annoyances of life happening. Granted, one of the people is a graphic designer freelance, and everything is last minute. I get it. But I still need to set a standard.


The fallout has been relatively mild. One member just said she understood my position and agreed with me, but due to work she'd hold off regular attendance until things became more concrete. I'm expecting another to continue not showing up for her own reasons, but she's new to the hobby itself.

Otherwise, I really do have people eager to play, who get on my case about scheduling the next game.


The point of this is that, well, whether people take the game seriously or not depends upon how well I sell it. If I don't treat it like it's important, they won't believe that it is either. I do that, I undersell myself. This is about taking a stand.

I've had behavioural issues from some of these people, too. One of them was pelting me with figurines, others have had characters do really horrible things (murdering random NPC in front of a Paladin) and gotten upset when I had reality run its course (paladin healed the NPC, talked the player down; no God-smack from me over morality, no deus ex machina).

I'm sad that it didn't work out, but I'm not going to act like that stuff, plus the stuff I mentioned originally, are "okay". This is my leisure time, which is rare, and I don't need that crap. I need to set a standard, and act like I'm good enough, that I'm worth it.


but yeah, if I was reading my posts I'd go "what if this guy is a jerk, or full of himself". It's not that, it's that I'm finally believing in myself and what I have to offer enough that I'm going to do something about it.

So we'll see how it goes.

 

[Flatus Maximus]

Pelting you with figurines? That's a five-minute misconduct right there.

 

[Mishihari Lord]

I wouldn't expect chewing folks our to have a noticeable effect on their behavior. Someone will either be serious about the game or they won't; either is fine as long as it fits the rest of the group.

In your place, the first thing I'd do is give the players fair notice that you really want to play with people who take the game seriously. Then I'd see who is playing in line with my expectations. Those who don't would stop receiving invitations, and I'd look for new players to keep the game up to a size I would like.

 

[Elf Witch]

As an adult who plays with adults I understand that sometimes life gets in the way of fun. I just moved and my game is on hold until I get settled.

My roommate's game is small just the four of us counting her. One of the players works for the Discovery network and his job entails a lot of travel. I also broke my back in December of 2010 and we didn't play for seven months. We have been playing Age of Worms since 2008 and we are only about halfway through. We are okay with that.

But that is different than people blowing off the game to go to the movies or some other social event that is not family related. I have found that those people like gaming if there in nothing else to do.

Some groups are fine with that I am not so I boot them out because it is not worth the hassle.

 

[Desdichado]

I need to set a standard, and act like I'm good enough, that I'm worth it.

Stuart Smalley's famous quote - YouTube

 

[Viking Bastard]

I see nothing wrong about being clear about your expectations for the game, but be prepared for the others not playing along. My group plays about 90% of Saturday nights, and some potential players can only come once a month or even less. We are happy when they come, but their votes about campaigns and such do not count a whole bunch, that is up to the core three.

Yeah, that's pretty much the same as with us, except it's fridays. We have a core group of three that are committed and then three more players who show up every few game nights. But they have to live with being supporting cast to the core three, so to speak.

 

[ComradeGnull]

So being closer to the situation, you'll be a better judge of what might be going on than I, but-

I've designed my own RPG, and we're playtesting it. I love it, I think it works nicely, and when it's ready for printing it'll be great.

Are you certain this is what your players want to be doing with their limited recreation time? Designing and testing something can be really compelling for someone who is scratching an itch to build 'their perfect' whatever- for other people, it may not be as exciting. If the gaming group started out as 'we're playing D&D' (or whatever) and at some point along the way morphed into a playtest group for your personal project, people may not be enjoying it the way they once did- but because your game is obviously very important to you and you're the DM, they don't know how to convey this without feeling like they will be hurting your feelings or causing problems in the group. Avoiding things is often a passive-aggressive way of expressing reservations about what you are doing.

You are the DM, you are putting the most work in. You have to have some freedom and a big say in what is going on. But gaming is a group activity- if someone is really not enjoying what is going on, or joined thinking they were going to be doing something else, some flexibility may be called for. Maybe the group would be happier alternating sessions playing a game they are already familiar with with trying your game. Maybe you should try running a ConstantCon or online version of your game (you're going to need more playtesters than your group can provide, most likely) while your regular group does something else or plays a board game for a month or two. If attendance comes back to being the norm when you announce that you're going to be doing something new and exciting (or maybe something old and familiar) for a little while, you have a pretty good indication of what the problem is.