In case of emergency (question to parents)

[delericho]

No kids here, but I do have one nephew. My sister is fortunate in coming from a large and close family, and so has four brothers and her parents, any of whom would be willing and able to raise Peter if the worst happened. (Her husband also has a brother in Australia, a sister, and a step-father.) My guess is that they would ask my sister's twin brother and his wife (also one of her closest friends) to raise Peter, but I don't honestly know. If they have asked anyone, it's not me.

In the absence of family members who are suitable, I would recommend asking some close friends, preferably a couple with children of their own. I would also suggest that it's a good idea to have a plan worked out ahead of time, and ideally to have it recorded in a will, so that your wishes are clearly recorded ahead of time.

 

[megamania]

I expected to easily answer this but.... I can't.


It used to be the out-laws would watch over the kids. Howver, due to things very bad (almost evil) the kids can not stay at their place since the cousin still does.

Though not legally, we asked my brother to be the godparents for Cathy but our communication has greatly declined in the past 6-8 years.


I don't know.


I suspect the state of Vermont would step in. The state is very supportive of children. I suspect something would happen through them.

 

[Aurora]

And if you didn't have access to grandparents? If your family had little interest?

I am not trying to egg something on, I am asking from a position of weakness here, my wife and I are pretty much of the mind that we are excluding our daughter's grandparents from care (they aren't the greatest people in the world).

In that case, I would talk to some close friends and explain the situation and see if, for the short term, thay would be willing to help out should such an occasion arise.

My daughter has godparents were something to permanently happen to us, but they live in CA, so that wouldn't really work for the short term.

 

[Harmon]

I spent four hours with my Mom yesterday as she was the one grandparent that was a slight option. We talked a lot and finally she said what was necassary for me to buy into the idea that she might actually be interested in maybe tending to her grand daughter should something ill happen to my wife and or I.

Its very discouraging to realize that your own parents are so screwed up that they arn't capable of tending to their own grand child.

No wonder I am so screwed up.

 

[grimwell]

The most important thing, is to make plans that are going to hold up within your states legal system -- involve a lawyer such as Dannyalcatraz to ensure that the plans will hold up.

My wife and I just did this for our kids. We have wills that state who we intend to have guardianship should we die (including a second tier of guardians should the first tier also die), and we have legal paperwork that gives a defined list of people temporary guardianship for the purposes of medical necessity, should we become temporarily unable to act as primary guardians for our kids.

In our case, it's all relatives that we trust (and they are plentiful) but we wanted it in legal and notarized paperwork because if you don't have it in legal form, all the intent in the world won't matter. The state will have to take your kids in as wards until they determine who should be the guardians... and that may not be the same people you'd like!

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Just for the record- regardless of the plans you make, make sure the KIDS know the plan, if they are old enough, and let the would-be guardians know of your plans...possibly even giving them a little documentation to back things up, in case things are really serious.

If, God forbid, your kids had an accident while you were incapacitated, you don't need any sqabbles holding up their treatment.

The same goes for making your kids' school aware of the identity of the guardians- they have to know so they don't incur liability by releasing the kids to someone who is not their guardian. If they don't know who the guardians are, they're more likely to turn them over to CPS than some unknown adult.

 

[Harmon]

Thanks for the ideas.

I have begun working on a list of things that need to be touched on. Some require her to be a little older (she's 49 weeks this Sunday), and find out how interested some parties are in tending to her when should the time come.

Again, thanks, and remember that if you have not had the talk with your family, or starting getting all of the info in order for them, they will have no clue what needs doing and some things might not go as you want.

 

[Drawmack]

What do you parents’ do- or have planned to do with your kids in case of an emergency? Say you get in a car accident- your kids are okay, but you and your SO are hurt and have to stay in the hospital for a week or so- what do you have planned for child care?

I am looking for ideas for our daughter. She has grandparents but none are viable candidates, her uncles live to far away to be prospects.

We have a friend who has a child the same age as our daughter and lives in the same school district. We worked out a deal with each other. We would take their kid and they would take ours if the need arose and there were no grandparents in the picture.

Alternately you could just put her in a kenel

 

[Mycanid]

I'm not a parent, but I am a lawyer, which means I always have an opinion.

1) Try finding other parents in your area you can trust, and make mutual arrangements with them for emergency child care, especially emergency contact numbers.

2) If you have one, talk to your religious advisor about services available through your congregation.

3) As 2, above, check with your local government to see what kind of services are offered by the city and/or state. What you find out may either relax you or galvanize you to action. I have heard but cannot confirm that some school counselors are particularly knowledgable.

4) If the only people you trust with your kids are out-of-towners & you can afford it, find a way to get them some kind of method to either get the kids to them or bring them to the kids- some kind of pre-bought plane/train tickets, or some kind of emergency credit/debit card ($1K limit or so) that is never used...

5) Make a will. Plan your estate. Make sure the trustees/executors/guardians are all people or institutions you trust. Reexamine your plan every 5 years, and every time there is a major life changing event (death, divorce, adoption, lottery, etc.) in your immediate family.

6) Give your kids little (playing card sized) laminated cards they can carry that have contact numbers for anyone and everyone you think should be notified in case of emergencies. I know it sounds obvious, but include all of your contact info as well!

First off, I have no children. But, I think these are excellent suggestions.

My folks and others I know made arrangements bound up with numbers 1 and 2, so the other things did not really arise as options.

My folks were very often to be the recipients of other children, etc. in case of emergency ... partly because they were pretty well off and stable financially and mentally, and had had the experience of raising three boys.

Of course there is the "legal schmeagal" to go through as well, but I never heard that there were many difficulties with it from my folks.

 

[Harmon]

We have a friend who has a child the same age as our daughter and lives in the same school district. We worked out a deal with each other. We would take their kid and they would take ours if the need arose and there were no grandparents in the picture.

Alternately you could just put her in a kenel

Kenel is an idea I had not thought of, I doubt the wife would go for it, but it might be better then CPS or our family members. Friends are a fair idea, but most are less then financally stable and all have issues that seem a little stronger then I want my daughter raised in.

Well there are some great ideas here, and for that I thank you all. If you have kids and have not taken the idea into consideration you might want to, you never know when something could happen.