(IR) The Imaginary IR

[James Heard]

Meanwhile gnome and elvish reindeer cavalry special forces units sneak down every chimney in the planet and steal presents and cookies to replace them with Kole*.

Scrabbles is fed oerthblood so as to grow him to immense size and wins his "Most Likely To Rage Upon Oerth And Consume All People" award at his 5th hamster wheel class reunion.

*Kole is a powerful poison that young children eat when they've been especially good, especially bad, or worship Vecna. It also removes spots and stains from zombies.

 

[Uvenelei]

Elite Halfling Pacification units begin teleporting into various warzones to attempt to bring an end to the hostilities. When the elves from Aliador invade Miranda, they are swarmed by children armed with kittens and flowers, who begin trying to overwhelm the invading armies with Cuteness. Similar squads subdue other invasionary forces around the globe, except those icky demons under Demogorgon's control. He's probably immune to Cuteness.

The Empire also devotes some of it's resources to stem the rising tide of Kole poisoning.
"No, little Billy! Don't put that in your mouth!"
"But I found it in the hearth and it's so tasty! *koff*"

 

[Kalanyr]

In return for the attempted pacification of the invaders from Aliador we declare the people of the Tempests nations honourary demons and promise not to attack them unless nothing else interesting is left to kill.

 

[Edena_of_Neith]

The Elves of Aliador are left saddened and stricken.
They see the faces of their own murdered children in the faces of those children sent from the Tharquish Empire.
So, Uveneleis' peace tactic works surprisingly well on the elves (even in the serious 5th IR, it would have given them pause, and reduced many to weeping.)

The Elves also denote the awesome power that is coming from Lynn. The elves do not know what Mecha are, or lasers or particle cannons, or missiles, or anything of that sort, but they do recognize powerful weapons when they see them.
Convinced that Lynn will obliterate Demogorgon and his allies, the Host of Aliador turns and teleports home.

 

[Paxus Asclepius]

Awakening from his long and extremely restful nap, the Wolf God is highly displeased to see the damage wrought while he slept. First, he teleports to the yuan-ti capitol and eats the king of the yuan-ti, ending the uprising. He follows this up with swift visits to the Yeomanry, devouring the entire royal line, and likewise with Celene and the Lendores. Pausing outside the massive sorcerous wall around Varna, he contemplates the effort required to bring it down with Grimcleaver, but decides that it's time for another nap; after all, the monarchs of four nations isn't a meal even such a barghest as himself can digest during exercise.

 

[Edena_of_Neith]

With Queen Yolande of Celene dead (eaten by the Wolf) Prince Melf takes control of Celene, and merges his country with Aliador.
He also takes refuge behind Varnas' magical fortifications, since the palace at Enkstad did nothing for Yolande.

Archcleric Hazen of Veluna commences the building of an Aerial Shield over Mitrik, capital city of Veluna, on a scale comparable to that of Varna, to protect it from AFTS ... and from hungry Wolves.
The Epic PL of Veluna aid him to get the job done.
Veluna announces the overlordship of Aliador, and the Elves of Aliador sent their emissaries there to take control of the country.

Shortly thereafter, all of the Lorridge and Lortmil nations follow suit, declaring fealty to Aliador and building Aerial Shields over their capital cities.

King Arden of Keoland, being a 32nd level paladin, informs the Wolf that he is no match for the might of the Light.
King Arden, states Arden, killed Vecna. If he can do that, he can most certainly kill the Wolf.
Epic PL from Keoland gather around King Arden to help him back up that claim.

Varna is further fortified with an even more extensive network of Walls of Force.
The elves have seen diagrams of something called the 'atomic bomb' in those devilish blueprints, and now they suspect that Lynn, the Nation of Superscience and Mechas, might have one.
So, they are erecting multiple Aerial Shields over the city, hoping multiple Walls of Force will stop the explosion of this mighty weapon (they are, of course, totally wrong. It would take 10th level magic to stop such an explosion. But the elves, do not know that.)

TO SOLLIR

The Elves of Aliador wonder if Lynn is going to sit there and allow Demogorgon and Company to wipe it out, or if they are going to defend themselves?

TO JAMES

The elves note that Creamsteaks' illithid have surely, by now, eaten several hundred thousand gnomes and elves in Aestia and Polaria. (See Creamsteaks' post.)

TO PAXUS:

The yuan-ti get the message. The Empire of the Yuan-Ti swears fealty to the Wolf God. And offers up to him as dessert anyone who disagrees with their new allegiance.

 

[Uvenelei]

As honorary demons, several citizens of the Tharquish Empire open support groups for recovering evil outsiders, named Demons Anynomous (I don't want to be disrespectful to the devils and 'loths out there, but I'm not an honorary member of their peoples). These groups are self-help and empowerment groups revolving around a support network of other recovering fiends and a 12 step program for change. Demons are welcome to come and share their stories without being judged. The first step is admitting you have a problem with all the killing and torture and evil.

Also, the Tempest invites the leaders of Aliador to join him at the newest Temple of Yondalla to apologize for interfering with their war. They may bring guests, but we kindly request that you RSVP with the number of guests they expect. Waffles will be served.

 

[James Heard]

Aestia hands out red hats to all invaders and introduces them to their sisters and cousins as gnomes. Strange half-breeds rule the Aestian hospital nurseries for years to come.

Scrabbles' hamster dooky gets used to melt the Polarian ice caps, and beside a strange smell everyone enjoys the new landscape of grass skirts, red hats, and hideous tentacled gnome children.

 

[Paxus Asclepius]

The Wolf informs King Arden (following his brief nap) that he, being twice the paladin's CR, is more than a match for any mere human. Not in so many words, of course; that would be beneath his dignity. He simply arrives, carving in one massive blow through any magical protections surrounding the hapless monarch, cutting him in half lengthwise with the same strike, and consuming him on the spot. He then leaves to locate a suitable after-dinner wine; when the yuan-ti provide him a rich, if coppery, red "Zinfandel," no questions are asked.

 

[Bugbear]

Seth Rhynnon having been striped of the mind controlling Modron Regalia (Current whereabouts Unknown), escapes from a Nyrondyse Pleasure camp, along with a small group of devout followers. They travel to the flinty hills and establish a small (and rather pathetic) temple dedicated to Rhynnon.

Rhynnon declares himself god and begins suppling spells to anyone who worships him, regardless of alignment. Surprisingly, thousands of Nyrondyse take up the religion, though none of them seem to agree as to what the religion is all about. These new converts make pilgramages to the "Holy City" and travel to other lands to spread the word.


Meanwhile, a number of Thieves Guilds, deprived of their livelihood by the wave of anarchy sweeping Nyrond, descend on the abandoned city of Rel Mord. There they construct arenas, amusement parks, and gambling halls. Advertisements are sent to the homes of millions throughout the world telling them to come to Rel Mord where adventure, excitement and fun await. Viva Rel Mord!