IRON DM 2011--Rules, Entries, Judgements, & Commentary

[Wicht]

I find it interesting that both contestants riffed off Disney's “The Little Mermaid,” though Iron Sky's entry was far more blatant in its use of the characters and motifs, so much so that I was initially put off by the given visuals and names in “Little Wizard.” Moving past this initial reaction, I read the rest of Iron Sky's entry and found myself confronting Alice in Wonderland motives and even the Wizard of Oz in what is a very interesting mash-up of characters.

Howandwhy99's entry is much more traditional, though again there is a bit of Wonderland in the use of the rabbit and the obvious homage to The Little Mermaid in the desire of the mermaid to marry a human prince. Though the presentation was a bit stylized for my taste and not quite how I like to read my adventures (point of future reference – as a GM I prefer the traditional presentation of having a background upfront, a plot synopsis, hooks and then, at last the overview of characters and places), I found myself liking the overall setup of the adventure and in particular the magical recipe for the creation of the Catoplebas.

I decided to grade the entries using a point system using four criteria.
Followed the Rules: Wordcount, time limit, etc. (worth 6 points)
Ingredient Use: Were all the ingredients legitimately used as a necessary part of the adventure? (worth 12 points)
Useability: How easy could a GM plop the adventure down into their game? (worth 6 points)
Style: Personal preference – how much does the presentation and adventure appeal to me personally (worth 6 points)

As far as rules, both entries were on time and both entries, not counting the ingredient lists, were under wordcount. Both entries therefore receive the full 6 points.

Next we come to ingredient use. Here I deducted some points from both. I found myself questioning, in “The Little Wizard...,” whether the antagonist was actually a “righteous” wizard. There seems little in the actual text to make him seem righteous. He is planning on going to war against good neighbors over the theft of his book and attacks the PCs without questioning them first. He strikes me as aggressive and paranoid (though admittedly he is under pressure). I deducted one point for the lack of clarity here and thought about 2. The rest of the ingredients in the list were legitimately used: The hidden book, the clueless mermaid, the breathtaking view (well played pun), the widowed daughter, and the suspicious rabbit. In “Catoplebas Stew,” we have the suspicious rabbit, the hidden book, a slightly clueless mermaid, and a righteous wizard in the form of the good-prince. The use of the righteous wizard was a bit weak, but not enough to deduct for. Unfortunately, I thought the widowed daughter was a bit of a cheat in that she wasn't actually widowed (yet). I docked one point for that and another for the Catoplebas's gaze attack, due to the fact that if everything goes well, it doesn't actually show up in the adventure. This put “The Little Wizard...” into a one point lead.

Coming to useability, I think “Catoplebas Stew” is the clear winner in this category. Though the actual hook is a bit weak, the overall adventure idea is sound enough. I give it a 5/6 in useability. “The Little Wizard,” in my opinion, suffers from a few things as far as useability goes. First of all, it is too blatant in its use of other people's characters and too much of it seems like it was inserted merely to be funny, with no real purpose towards plot or setting. You would have to run this adventure with just the right group and perhaps under a different system to make it work. This would make a great Toon game, and if submitted as such would have received much higher marks in this category. As a D&D adventure, it just doesn't seem as useable to me. I marked it as 3/6 in useability, seeing potential here, but a bit of a miss as far as actual execution.

Finally Style. This one is purely subjective with me. Here again “Catoplebas Stew” has a slight edge. I would have preferred a slightly more traditional presentation, one which included a more comprehensive background but the overall presentation works. I again give “Stew” 5/6. I would have liked “The Little Wizard...” to also have possessed a better background, instead of just running me through a series of events. The overall presentation of “The Little Wizard,” is very railroady, more or less demanding for the sake of the adventure that everything happen in a certain order. I give “The Little Wizard” 4/6 in style.

Final Verdict: Catoplebas Stew and howandwhy99 are our winners, scoring 26 out of 30 and beating Iron Sky's “The Little Wizard...” Congatulations to howandwhy99, and a hearty thank you to Iron Sky with hopes to see him competing again in the future.

“The Little Wizard...”
Followed Rules: 6/6
Ingredient Use: 11/12
Useability: 3/6
Style 4/6
Total 24/30

“Catoplebas Stew”
Followed Rules: 6/6
Ingredient Use: 10/12
Useability: 5/6
Style: 5/6
Total: 26/30

 

[steeldragons]

Steel Dragons Match 2 Entry

Ingredients
Ideal Location
Witch's Garden
Our Lady in Waiting
Skeletal Construct
Misfortune
Riddle

This is a basic search and rescue for a low-level (1st-3rd) party in a fantasy setting (presumed at writing to be D&D, any edition, but hopefully applicable to your system of choice).

The hook is that one of the Duchess’ favored Ladies in Waiting has gone missing.

She was recently betrothed and given leave to search out a suitable location for her ideal wedding. The Lady in Waiting, Kathraine, was last seen en route to Traven Manor, a country estate of the recently widowed Lady Traven known to have extensive and beautiful gardens behind it. With the death of her husband, the kindly Widow Traven has turned the manor into something of an inn for traveling nobility and fame of her hospitality and the wonder of her grounds has grown quickly. Kathraine and her escort have not been heard from for weeks and the groom-to-be is getting nervous.

“Her Grace, the Duchess, wishes you to seek out our Lady in Waiting, Kathraine, and return her to us. You will, of course, be handsomely rewarded.” (DM’s discretion as to what is appropriately ‘handsome’ in your game)

On the journey to Traven Manor the party passes through a farming village en route (whether they stay the night or not) they can glean the following information from the locals (their opinion of the manor seems a bit at odds with that of the Duchess’ folk):
· Those who go to Traven only meet ill fates.
· The manor’s gardens are wondrous, containing many medicinal and magical herbs and plants.
· Skeletons have been seen roaming the hillsides between the village and manor.
· One drunkard in a tavern will whisper warnings to the party about the manor and advise against entering “the Witch’s Garden.” Those that do never return.
· People will recall the Lady and her escort of 2 men-at-arms passing through two weeks prior.

Either during the night or sometime in the following day, the party should have a battle with a suitably sized force of skeletons, some humanoid, some beasts.

Upon their arrival at the Manor, they will be met by Widow Traven with eager open arms and warm smiles. She will immediately recall Kathraine, “charming girl”, and claim that she had gone into the garden last week and not seen her since. She figured the young lady had simply returned to the duchess’ castle to make preparations for her wedding, as her escort had similarly “left.” The Widow Traven is a middle-aged woman is obvious distinction and apparent kindness. She does not detect as “evil” or “magic” if such means of detection are available/attempted.

Above the hearth in the main parlor, there is a portrait of the distinguished Lord Traven under which are inscribed some lines:

Lady Luck and Sister Fate​

Sometimes love, showing hate,​

Whilst one hand gives, the others take.​

For thy boon, fortune’s bane sate.​

If asked its meaning, Widow Traven explains it as a favorite saying of her husband’s house, “Not to take things for granted. Luck is fickle, you know, dearies. Enjoy the good things life gives you without begrudging the misfortunes that must come with them.”

She will gladly set the party up with rooms and give them reign of the house. Nothing out of the ordinary will be found in the manor. Servants will have little more information than the widow.
· The lady Kathraine was there for a few days and in general good humor.
· Her escorts seemed loyal and dutiful men.
· She was last seen going into the garden, beyond the hedge maze, in a lovely gown of gold and silver.
· When she didn’t return at nightfall, her men went into the maze to find her. Then, it seemed, they all left (though noone actually saw them leave).

The tiered porches behind the house overlook fields of gardens stretched out before them, all enclosed by a wall surrounding the manor. Rows of brightly colored flowering plants, fruit trees, pools, sections for vegetables and various herbs (party members with arcane or herbalist knowledge will note several varieties of plant for potion-making and other magical uses). Widow Traven will happily instruct her gardener, Travis, to share reasonable amounts of those materials with anyone that asks (enough components for one potion, spell or ritual).

At a distance, there are rows of 7 foot high hedges, neatly trimmed that form a small maze. Beyond the hedges is seem a small domed structure that gleams white in the afternoon sun.

Asked about the structure, the widow and/or gardener will explain it is a gazebo set beside a shallow wading pool at the far end of the grounds. It’s been there since the manor was first constructed some 100 years ago. The widow will recall Lady Kathraine commenting that, “she felt it sounded like the ideal location for her ceremony.” The widow will also explain that since her husband’s death, she hasn’t seen fit to have the grounds beyond the hedges tended much, never venturing that far herself.

Encounters for the garden grounds:
· Mischevious (but ultimately harmless) pixies among the flowers. “Unfortunate accidents” ensue such as swordbelts coming unbuckled, laces on shoes or dresses untied/tied together etc. If the pixies are discovered and communication possible, the fairies really don’t know anything about the Lady Kathraine. All humans look the same. They come. They go. Sometimes they don’t. They do know not to go beyond the hedges because of the “bad mojo”.
· Before entering the hedge maze, a fountain at the entrance swirls into a dark half and a light half (a yin-yang pattern) before turning either all dark or all light. Randomly generate a dark or light outcome for each party member (they all must pass it to enter).
· The maze itself is relatively simple (any generic maze pattern may be used). Perhaps a series of skill challenges for those systems that permit it. Anyone with tracking skill should have their normal chances of finding a trail (footsteps in the gravel path, a scrap of white fabric ripped off on a branch, etc.) to lead them through.
· Within the maze carnivorous plants attempt to entangle with vines and pull human or smaller sized creatures into their gaping maws. One plant is closed and does not attack. If opened, it reveals semi-digested human remains. Armor, sword and clothing have not been digested. The tabbard bares the crest of the duchess.
· Skeletons of songbirds and small woodland creatures are seen flitting through the hedges. If attacked, d20 creatures will swarm around the party and do minimal damage (1d2) with scratching, pecks and bites. They focus attacks on those with a “dark water” result from the fountain.
· Near the exit of the maze, the party finds an Undead/”half-exposed skeleton, half-zombie” Ogre wielding a particularly large spiked club and whip of thorny vine.

Beyond the maze is a path lined with purple rose bushes that leads across an overgrown yard to the reflecting pool with the gleaming white (even at night it seems to glow in the moonlight) gazebo of elegant arches and narrow spindles with a domed roof.

The flowers have a 25% chance per person of shooting forth spores that paralyze for d3 hours (or put to sleep or kill, DM’s discretion. Saving throws to avoid effects are applicable as your system allows.) This chance goes up to 50% for those who got a “dark water” result from the fountain.
Those succumbing to the flowers’ pollen are then targeted by vines that come forth from the undergrowth to drag the immobilized individuals off the path, through the bushes. They are caccooned by the vines to wither away.

Rescuing comrades from the vines and/or examining the overgrowth beyond the bushes will reveal the Lady’s second escort man-at-arms. The bones and remains of multiple other creatures (humanoid and animal) will also be discovered among the tall grasses.

A figure is seen standing within the gazebo. Closer inspection shows it wears a fine-looking white and yellow gown and veil. The figure will turn to face the approaching party, but will not answer them.
Very careful/close inspection of the gazebo will reveal it is not beautifully crafted wood or white-washed metal or stone but, in fact, constructed of bones.

Reaching the gazebo reveals the figure (Lady Kathraine) is a skeleton who will shrink back to force characters to come in the gazebo to reach her. The structure is approximately 15’ diameter.

As soon as a PC who received a “dark water” result from the fountain steps into the gazebo a force barrier forms around the structure. Other PCs can not enter and those within are trapped.

Lady Kathraine will now attack. Defeating Kathraine does not dispel the barrier. However, those killed by her in the gazebo will transform, in moments, into skeletal versions of themselves, abilities intact, and attempt to fight other non-skeletons. (Note: skeletal characters may pass through the barrier.)

Around the edge of the inside of the dome, the poem from the manor’s hearth is repeated. Each character within the structure will hear a thin ghostly voice ask,

“What is the bane that must be sated?”​

The answer, naturally, is “Misfortune” (DM’s discretion to accept answers like “bad luck” or “ill fate” or anything along those lines.).

If answered correctly, the barrier disappears and the characters released. Anyone “skeleton-ized” that hasn’t been defeated returns to their normal selves…including Lady Kathraine if she hasn’t been destroyed.

If answered INcorrectly, the character who answered wrong is transformed into a skeleton and begins attacking his comrades.

Once the riddle has been properly answered the energy field drops and the PCs can take what steps they choose to destroy the structure. As long as noone steps into the gazebo again, it is fairly thin and brittle and can be hacked and bludgeoned into bits. Destruction of the gazebo will unanimate any of the skeletal creatures on the grounds.

Beginning to destroy the gazebo brings the gardener, Travis, out of hiding in the thick growth beyond the reflecting pool. Travis is an evil witch attempting to use the power of the gazebo to construct a skeleton army for his own use. He fights to the death to protect the magical gazebo. He can summon skeleton creatures (DM’s discretion for types) from the surrounding area to aid him. He has control over any skeleton-PCs. He also possesses a wand that can Charm 1 character per attack (he cannot charm and summon skeletons at the same time). He will attempt to get charmed characters back into the gazebo (to start the trap all over again).

Returning to the manor, the Widow Traven is aghast about the goings-on in her gardens and the gazebo’s questionable origin. She will (truthfully) disavow any knowledge of the magics or hazards and offer recompense for their services (DM’s discretion of appropriate sum), going so far as to ask the party to stay as her household guard (leading to possible future adventures from/for Traven Manor).

If Lady Kathraine is saved and returned to the Duchess’ court, the party receives their reward. Returning without her alive/intact will get them half the promised fee.

Thus ends the tale of Our Lady in Waiting’s Misfortune with the Riddle of the Witch’s Garden in her Ideal Location.

Ingredients
Ideal Location: the Skeletal Construct of the gazebo, thought ideal by Our Lady in Waiting for her wedding, actually ideal as the source of evil power for the Witch’s Garden.
Witch's Garden: the gardens of Traven Manor tended by the necro-maniacal Travis.
Our Lady in Waiting: the Lady Kathraine
Skeletal Construct: the gazebo/Ideal Location, also the skeletal creatures the gazebo created.
Misfortune: the answer to the Riddle, Our Lady in Waiting’s fate, and actual “bad luck” resulting from the pixies or fountain.
Riddle: the riddle by the portrait repeated in the Ideal Location, also the riddle/mystery of Our Lady in Waiting’s whereabouts.

 

[Rune]

Now that judgement on Match 1 is done, the peanut gallery may feel free to comment on the entries.

Similarly, [MENTION=60965]Iron Sky[/MENTION] and [MENTION=3192]howandwhy99[/MENTION], if either of you would like to comment on your thought processes and intent in writing your entries, I'm sure that many of us would find such exposition very interesting.

Also, if any contestants would care to engage in some good, old-fashioned trash-talking, have at it. It's kind of an Iron DM tradition, after all.

 

[howandwhy99]

Okay, a few notes on the judgement. I do want to thank Wicht for an honest and measured approach to judging. This isn't a defense, but rather my own thoughts on ingredient usage and such - if only for future contestants. (and he didn't even mention the entry's definite need for editing - woo hoo!)

The widowed portion of the daughter ingredient was something I was trying to bring in as an active portion of the adventure for the PCs to perform. It is quite possible they will kill him thinking he is the evil wizard, either during the day in the lab or at the pool in the evening.

The breathtaking view was a lousy use IMO, but it fit with the element that tied everything together for me: the catoblepas. But they don't really need to take breath with their gaze and mine not needing to come into play was poor design on my part.

Typically, in the past most of my entries were very decidedly attempts to tie every single element of the 12 ingredients together. And it cost me, I think, because my adventure was routinely bad afterwards. This time I decided to skip the long knot tying process and take pleasure in crafting something in the form I liked. As to the wonky, sing-song start? I can only claim it was fun when I wrote it.

My usual take on ingredient use is the Vaxalon approach. Specifically, if a reader can simply take out or replace any portion of the ingredient without changing the adventure, it doesn't qualify. That's hard. I thought a good while about using a merMAID as a widow who in fact is still married and in the end just tried to blur the lines. For me, the catoblepas again was why most ingredients had to be as they were: the rabbit ears, the mermaid tail, the widow in sorrow. It was the "click" point for me. But my efforts kind of suck when I take this approach mainly because of the 24 hour time limit, not to mention the word limit is no longer 500 (back when it was only 1 hour). More than some knot tying is really required now.

In the end, I think 2 days and only 2000 words were really both advantages to me. I didn't feel the word crunch at all, but the time limit was still a significant pressure, though much less thankfully.

Again, I appreciate the judgement, I know they aren't easy either. This is all more thoughts on my process than anything else.

 

[Pour]

The Proposal

A D&D adventure for characters level 14 - 16


Introduction
For centuries, the village of Madralupe has celebrated the White Procession, a festival of song, dance and libations that culminates in a costumed parade up a mountain, to the foot of the village’s matron known only as Our Lady in Waiting. They say she was a beautiful, young virgin once, romanced by Hhutteyo, god of secrets and wonder, and promised a marriage that never came. So enthralled by her suitor, she stood vigil morning, noon and night atop the summit, staring up at the heavens until she became stone. She waits still, and it’s become tradition for the village’s unmarried men to propose to her in grandiose and often comical fashion. In all her years, she has never accepted... until now.


Adventure Background
Five hundred years ago, Madralupe was a beautiful virgin in a green, undeveloped valley. She was romanced by Hhutteyo and promised a marriage before she welcomed him to bed. The marriage never came. She waited atop the same summit for years, practicing many magics to try and garner his attention. Hhutteyo, feeling unusually guilty for an immortal, transformed Madralupe into stone so she might stand undaunted for ages without suffering loneliness. However, he placed a riddle at her feet, so that one day, if the right suitor came along, she would be released into a deserving man’s care.

‘Behold my bride never to be, loyal to a false decree, who stands in wait eternity, for that which makes god devotee.’
​

As the village grew in the valley, the bride became a saint, known as Our Lady in Waiting. It wasn’t long before the riddle inspired proposals and an annual festival known as the White Procession manifested.

Unbeknownst to the village, fifty-eight years ago a young priest, Jorge Yomar, traveled up the summit to pray. While it was assumed the riddle called for a proposal, the priest offered something no other had, love. He was a man of the gods, and considered the Lady a part of that pantheon. Love, which would force even a god to become a devotee to another, freed Madralupe, but because of his vow of celibacy, they could never be together.

Changed after years as contemplative rock, Madralupe held no ill will towards Hhutteyo or Jorge. She took a new name, Tittchikilippi, and at Jorge’s request summoned forth a new statue so that Madralupe might forever have its matron and its festival. Each year, Tittchikilippi places a flowered lay about her youthful likeness, while the padre offers a ceremony in Madralupe’s honor.

Just prior to this year’s procession, the richest woman in the village, an aging Pittra Horyes, made a lustful proposition to her handsome gardener Eduardo Andreas. The young man refused and left her service, humiliating her. Years ago, Eduardo’s father Manuel had proposed to her, and she had been the one who refused. Manuel’s becoming a beloved mayor in the years hence infuriates her even still. Pittra is secretly a witch, and extraordinarily vain. She converted the statue of the Lady into a construct under her control, with plans of enacting her revenge when Eduardo makes his proposal...


Hooks
The PCs arrive to partake of the renowned White Procession, to meet or find someone who’ll likely be at the festival, or simply for respite or supplies in otherwise dense jungles and high mountains. They’d be welcomed with the many other visitors, encouraged to buy white costumes, and partake in the parade.


Event 1: The White Procession
The festival begins as usual, and the town is alive with celebration. Everyone is in white, and after hours of merrymaking, they head up the mountain to Our Lady in Waiting- who is wreathed in breathtaking tropical blooms. After some entertaining proposals from NPCs and PCs, Eduardo Andreas makes his proposal while all the village girls sigh longingly. That’s when the statue animates and grabs him.

In a grating voice, she accepts, promising their union shall last forever. Eduardo is effectively merged with the statue, only his flailing torso still exposed.

What the party decides to do next determines much of the adventure’s content and direction.

Combat
The Lady has the same stats as a stone golem, but does not fight back. Whenever it is damaged, Eduardo is also. If it is destroyed, Eduardo dies. It cannot be made to release the gardener, even when stunned or knocked unconscious, and it is immune to domination. Attempts to teleport or pry Eduardo loose are unsuccessful and appear to cause him harm. If the party is stubborn, they’ll end up ripping out just his upper body, killing him.

If it seems they will destroy the Lady, Manuel will plead for them to stop, and throw himself in front of the construct if need be.

The Holy Man
From the outset of the Lady’s animation, devote villagers call out for Padre Yomar. Ideally one of the PCs will fetch him, but if the party seems reluctant to split, he appears during Manuel’s accusations.

Summoning the elderly padre from the chapel reveals he’s in the middle of a ceremony, but initial Religion checks confirm it’s nothing harmful, despite being related to the Lady. He claims it’s something he performs every year, which is true, and is quick to see the animated statue for himself.

On the summit, Yomar is stunned, and convinced this is not the work of Hhutteyo.

Witch Hunt
Manuel believes this is the work of the witch Tittchikilippi, a local legend out of the jungles, who is said to keep a cursed garden watered in human blood. He and some of the villagers want to hunt for the witch, but the padre is against it, claiming it dangerous and believing Tittchikilippi is not the cause.

It may dawn on the PCs that Yomar knows more than he’s letting on, but he will only urge the PCs to meet Tittchikilippi peaceably.

How the party decides to approach the witch determines how they are received in Event 2. Either way, it will take a complexity 1 skill challenge to placate the growing mob, especially Manuel. Success will buy the party time to get to the bottom of things, failure will find Manuel and his constituents boldly hunting for the garden.

Examining the Lady
The flowers about the Lady are magical, but only in medicinal ways (equivalent to any three level-appropriate potions if brewed). They are very rare blooms and implicate the witch’s garden.

Arcana checks reveal the statue has been enchanted and now acts like a construct, commanded by some exterior will.

The riddle is clear upon the base, presumably writ by Hhutteyo’s hand, but there is no divine element to the statue, and Easy Religion checks confirm that.

Questioning Eduardo
It’ll take a Hard Diplomacy or Intimidate check to get the distraught man to focus enough for questions. Even then, there is little to tell, though if pressed about anyone wishing him harm, he’d offer Lady Pittra Horyes. He’ll refuse to say why without a second Diplomacy or Intimidate check at a Moderate difficulty.

If Manuel learns of Pittra’s advances, he will admit his own failed proposal many years ago, and how she’s hated him ever since. He’s still convinced Tittchikilippi is the cause of his son’s woes, however.


Event A: Jungle
If the party fails their skill challenge to placate the mob, or decides to join them in search of the garden, the ill-suited villagers are eventually waylaid by one of the many ferocious jungle threats over the next few days of travel, either displacer beasts, were-jaguars or bloodthirsty fey.

It will also take a complexity 2 skill challenge keying on Hard Nature and Arcana checks to locate the witch’s garden, with failure producing another random jungle encounter.


Event 2: Tittchikilippi’s Garden
The witch’s garden is order out of chaos, perfectly trimmed hedges, artistically pruned trees, carefully-tended flowerbeds, peppered with stone buildings and statuary in the otherwise untamed wilderness. Tittchikilippi is a master of earth-based magic, especially stone, and her works are quite lifelike and reminiscent of the Lady.

The garden holds many wonders, including elaborate stone calendars and sundials, singing blossoms and roving topiary beasts. Though unusual, there are no signs of bloody sacrifice.

Hostility
If the party enters with hostile intent, they have a difficult few encounters ahead of them, involving plant monsters and calendar-and-sundial-headed constructs, culminating with Tittchikilippi herself, treated as a Solo medusa. They might feel as if they’ve solved the problem, but that soon changes when they’re intercepted on the journey back in Event B, and certainly when they return to find Eduardo still trapped.

Diplomacy
If the party enters as guests, they’ll find Tittchikilippi a batty, bowed crone, but kindly enough. She’ll deny any involvement with the Lady’s animation, though it’ll take a mix of Moderate and Hard Diplomacy checks to coax anything further from her, like the reason for the lay, her true identity or notions of leaving her garden to examine the situation. She refuses to implicate Jorge in anything, though has an obvious fondness for the padre.


Event B: Interceptor
As the party makes its way back from meeting with Tittchikilippi, or after the party has snooped about the Horyes Estate, Pittra sends an agile wooden construct with flowered lays to kill the party, or at least implicate Tittchikilippi.

A Moderate Nature check reveals the mundane quality of the blooms. Eduardo would recognize them from Pittra’s garden, as would astute PCs who’ve been there with a Moderate Insight check. If Tittchikilippi is present during the attack, she’ll turn the construct to stone, slowing it considerably and lowering its Reflex and attack modifiers, but accidentally increasing its AC, Fortitude, and overall damage.


Event 3: Horyes Estate
Largest home in Madralupe, with well-tended lawns, gardens and orchards, all is colorful stucco, greased iron, polished marble and decorative stone. The staff is courteous and accommodating, if a little browbeat. Pittra’s an aged vision in finest satins and lace, with choice expensive baubles, some of which are magical. She’s initially cordial, but that only lasts so long.

Investigatory
The party may enter the Horyes Estate just for investigative purposes, especially if Eduardo implicates her. There is nothing overly suspicious about the grounds or workers. If Pittra is pressed or, worse, accused of anything, she’ll grow irate and have the party thrown out, summoning personal guard, and eventually town officials, if need be. Pittra commands ample power and it will take definitive evidence to indite her.

Hostility
If the party resorts to extreme vigilantism by ignoring town authority and storming Pittra’s estate, or if they’ve gathered ample evidence, they’ll have to contend with several guard contingents, and eventually a construct of the collected bones of her failed suitors, so numerous they form a huge naga construct.

The naga, known as Suitor, is extremely quick. If Pittra is bloodied while battling the party, she sends the monstrosity into town. At that point, the party must likely accept the loss of life and finish Pittra, or abandon her to save the townsfolk.


Conclusion
There are multiple ways to end the adventure, most hinging on freeing Eduardo. If Pittra is killed or driven off, the Lady returns to a normal statue, and Eduardo can be extracted.

If Pittra is allowed to escape, she is free to seek revenge on the party and all of Madralupe another day.

If Eduardo or Tittchikilippi were killed during the adventure, the truth of things brings airs of tragedy, and Manuel and Jorge may become enemies of the party, perhaps even Hhutteyo himself.

Ingredients
Ideal Location: The suspected origins of the flowers; Location of the animator
Witch’s Garden: Tittchikilippi’s garden; Pittra’s estate
Our Lady in Waiting: The Lady icon; Madralupe, who waited; Pittra, who waited too long
Skeletal Construct: Suitor, the skeletal naga
Misfortune: Madralupe and Eduardo’s situations; fruit of Pittra’s vanity
Riddle: Riddle at the Lady’s feet; Mystery of who animated the statue; Pittra’s loneliness

 

[Iron Sky]

I think the biggest difficulty for me was the 2000 word (4 page) limit. With my entries in the past, I've aimed for 8 pages or so(my first one was 13 in 24 hours!), which usually gives me enough wordiness to tell my tie the ingredients together, tell the story(my strongest suit) and make the adventure itself at least decent (my weakest suit).

With 2000 words it turned out I could do one or the other. Also, there was just enough camp to be annoying, but not enough to be over the top throughout to make it consistent which hurt me in the style category. It probably would have been better to make it more over the top or drop the funny stuff all together.

Or just figure out if my original inspiration was the best way to do it or just me being too clever. That could work too.

My GMing style IRL is 90% improvised after extensive worldbuilding. When I do write, it's usually novel-style writing which makes me lean towards story. Combine those and its easy for me to forget the fact that I'm actually writing an adventure.

I literally didn't think once about how this adventure would play out at an actual table until I read Wicht's judgement of it - I was thinking about how the ingredients tied together, how hard it would be to replace them(the Vaxalon approach?), checking grammar and sentence structure, and dropping in bits to reinforce the (perhaps flawed) Little Mermaid/Oz/Wonderland themes.

Ironic that I asked for more structure at the end of the last Iron DM, then an unexpected part of it (word limits) removed one of my greatest Iron DM advantages - my ability to vomit forth a massive array of story on command and just throw enough words at a problem to hide it. Here, with less than half of what I normally have used, the bones were left exposed when it shipped.

I originally hit the word cap as they reached the journey into Wonderland 2/3 of the way in... which gives you an idea of what I had to trim to make it fit and how much I had to slim down my writing to make the rest fit and I was already trying to write minimalistic before that!

In retrospect, I would have scrapped the Disney theme, focused on ingredients first and adventure second, vs ingredients first, story second, and adventure not at all. Oh, and read up on other entries Wicht has judged in the past to see what style he prefers.

 

[Rune]

Round 1, Match 2: Pour vs. steeldragons

First of all, before I even read the entries, I saw that steeldragons bent/broke two rules. First, he edited his post. Four minutes may not seem like much, but some judges might disqualify an entry for that. When I judged in 2003, I would have. My philosophy has changed somewhat in the past 8 years, but...we'll get to that. In addition, the the word count is slightly higher than the limit. How do I feel about that? We'll get to that, too...

In an Iron DM tournament, the contestants are challenged in a variety of ways. The primary challenge is to use all of the ingredients and use them well. What does that mean? Ideally, each ingredient is not just integral to the adventure, but also to the PCs' interaction with it.

There are some good uses of ingredients in both of these entries...but, unfortunately, more poor uses than good.

Ideal Location: steeldragons' ideal location fit the ingredient, but seemed somewhat uninspired. Okay, it was thought ideal by the lady in waiting, and was really ideal for raising undead...but why? Pour's is even worse. Pour's ideal location (such as it is) does not indicate in any way why, or what it is ideal for. And what does it have to do with the PCs? I mean, come on. The mountain could have been played up as a location of an ideal (love). Pour was all set up for it. But I just didn't see it, and, frankly, I find the missed opportunity especially disappointing. It was there! It was right there...

Witch's Garden: This time, Pour's use of the ingredient is passable. Both versions are significant locations in the adventure and work. steeldragon's use of the ingredient is one of his best. Sure, sure, there's the whole viscous plant thing, but the really nice one is the necromancer-witch's garden where undead are grown. Now that is good imagery.

Our Lady in Waiting: And then he goes and pulls out this? First of all, how is the lady in waiting our lady in waiting? And, second, how does this play into the adventure as anything but background? Lady-in-waiting has at least three distinct definitions, and this is all we get? In contrast, Pour's uses are fantastic! Very evocative and help to establish a theme for the entire adventure. And he didn't even use any of the aforementioned definitions; he made his own, and it worked.

Skeletal Construct: ...That being the case, I can't figure out why, in an adventure filled with interesting constructs, the only skeletal construct is a(n admittedly interesting) minor encounter that the PCs could easily bypass. Curses! So what does steeldragons have to offer? What's this? Is it a homage to the Dread Gazebo! Brilliant. An exciting way to split the party for a significant combat? Excellent! This is by far the most memorable part of steeldragons' entire adventure.

Misfortune: It is quite unfortunate that this ingredient was so poorly handled in both entries. steeldragons' entry, at least, featured it as an important part of the adventure as the answer to the riddle and a minor recurrence of theme with the pixies, but with the riddle, it would have been much better to have emphasized misfortune while the party fights to solve the riddle. And the pixies? Well, they're just incidental. But, at least the PCs get to interact with these things. Pour's Misfortunes are all things that happen to other people—and mostly off-screen! Curses!

Riddle: I like Pour's riddle. It has a lot of potential. But, it has absolutely nothing to do with the PCs. It had so much potential. I mean, remember that whole “location of the ideal (love)” thing that you were set up to capitalize on? It could have tied in with the riddle so beautifully! But, it didn't. Instead, we have a riddle that is nothing but background. On the other hand, steeldragons' riddle is less thematically intertwined, and yet, at least, significant to the PCs!

As far as ingredient usage goes, I think it is clear that, even though it was not stellar in his entry, steeldragons trumps.

...Which is a shame, because I really like Pour's adventure more. steeldragons adventure is linear and has a hook that many a party won't even look twice at. It builds to an awesome set-piece battle and has some interesting scenes leading to it, but lacks the character-development and intrigue needed to support a DM whose PCs try something different. Pour's does. Man-oh-man, but does it. It is a solid adventure with enough underpinnings to be run more than once and have different games each time. And it has great imagery, too!

Man, I hate this. Do I award the entry that uses the ingredients best, or the one that I think would play the best?

So, what kind of judge am I?

Spoiler

I personally feel that an adventure is only too long if it bores me. Similarly, I have come to wonder if it might not be better to allow editing up to the deadline. What's the harm, really? Wouldn't I rather have a polished adventure to read?

But, that's not what I feel I got with steeldragons' entry. If it was, I might not have this problem—better ingredients + solid adventure should win every time. But, steeldragons' adventure felt as if it could have used a little touching up, particularly in the area of character development and hooks. A good, solid hook can nearly write the rest of the adventure. So, I come back to my problem...do I side with the better ingredients, or the more solid adventure?

And the answer is, I side with the established rules. These rules exist to add layers of depth to the challenge of Iron DM. Following them displays a certain discipline that should not be discounted. steeldragons, your entry was a smidge too long and you edited your post. And, I'm sorry to say, it cost you the tie. You have potential as a contestant; you certainly have good ideas. Hopefully, we'll see you enter the next tournament. This time, however, Pour advances to round two.

 

[Pour]

I just want to say, steeldragons, your entry was an amazing use of ingredients, and I really thought I was beat. I was nervous going up against you from the start, and the 2000 word limit really went against my naturally wordy nature. I had to cut a whole subplot with the Andreas family being descendants of Hhutteyo and Madralupe's lovechild, and as time closed in and I finally got the word count down, I felt it was better to just submit than overwork The Proposal any more than it had been.

I really appreciate the constructive critique, Rune. I should have seen those connections with ideal location, love and the mountain, and used that to strengthen my riddle.

I think the two really important things I learned from this round were to analyze the ingredients from more angles if I want the best out of them, and to make sure the PCs are involved with each of them. Too much in the background is the recipe for doom, and I know the judges will not forgive it in the future.

On a positive note, I used the new D&D format for my adventure, and Events are really conducive to non-linear (or less linear) adventuring. I was also inspired by 'Going Ape' to break with traditional Western European background and indulge in a little Mayincatec.

When it comes down to it, though, I know I won by the skin of my teeth. I will certainly take everything gleaned from this match into the next round. Again, great match steeldragons, and onward to round two!

 

[steeldragons]

Thanks Pour. I have to say, when I read yours, I knew I was beat.

The imagery is amazing and the detail of plot is obviously the more solid adventure. Congrats.

Just in my own defense re: "editing the post", all I did was go back in to reformat because when I cut-n-pasted none of my paragraph breaks were there and I hit "submit" instead of "preview." So when it was up, I edited right away to make it more readable. No content was actually changed.

RE: the word count...This baffles me and I'm not sure if it can be exlpained, but according to my Word program, the document is 1998 words. So how I went "slightly over" I don't understand...unless you're counting the "title" of the post as part of the document's words count?

Regardless, we'll chalk these up to "rookie mistakes". The better DM won and I knew that as soon as I saw the entry. Very evocative images (I love the whole history/myth background and procession/holiday. Really great stuff.)

But thanks for the critique and encouragement, Rune. I'll definitely be interested in giving it another go some time.

Best of luck to the remaining contestants.
Have a great time.
--Steel Dragons

 

[Rune]

Just in my own defense re: "editing the post", all I did was go back in to reformat because when I cut-n-pasted none of my paragraph breaks were there and I hit "submit" instead of "preview." So when it was up, I edited right away to make it more readable. No content was actually changed.

I figured it was something like that. There are entries I have submitted that I immediately wished I could go back into to fix the formatting; but the point of the rule is to say, "Yeah, you're in a hurry, but don't be in such a hurry that you don't double-check your work before posting." Like I said in my judgement...it's discipline.

RE: the word count...This baffles me and I'm not sure if it can be explained, but according to my Word program, the document is 1998 words. So how I went "slightly over" I don't understand...unless you're counting the "title" of the post as part of the document's words count?

Weird. My word program called it 2002, without "title" or ingredients list. With the ingredients list it was 2015. With the "title," also, it was 2020. Alone, this wouldn't have been a decider, but with the edit and with an adventure that could have been polished a little more, the edge fell to your competitor.

Regardless, we'll chalk these up to "rookie mistakes".

You have what it takes to compete and compete well. Hone your craft and you may have what it takes to be a champion. I look forward to seeing you in future tournaments.