the only sports I ever played where little leagues that guaranteed play to everyone. I don't understand how you can be part of a team and never play, so yes...not a sports guy...So, it's fairly obvious that you haven't really played sports - there are many sports where, if you are a bench player, you will go to games and never enter them. But that doesn't mean you don't show up with your team. But more importantly,If you are on the bench, it's only so you can play again. But it's not all about you. It's about the group.I think you missed the entire import of my point. It's about a social compact. You keep focusing on you. If you don't like a conversation, you turn it to something you like.
why yes, I assume the social compact (contract?) would involve everyone being part of the group, and no one sitting out for too long...and again length of time varies. Sit through a 10 min conversation about godzila even though I don't like godzila no problem, sit through a 6 hour godzila movie marathon is asking a bit much though...I think you missed the entire import of my point. It's about a social compact. You keep focusing on you. If you don't like a conversation, you turn it to something you like.
I have many times tried to think this through...and always came to the same conculsion, my time off is better spent having fun then sitting and watching others have fun.And that's important, because in sharing your anecdote, I don't think you've pondered why the DM thought it was "rude," and why the first two responses to you stated that the DM was right.
so someone should sit and not have fun because its better for others for you to not have fun... I am really missing something here.Most people would see instances of rudeness when someone prioritizes their own desires over social conventions.
agreedI might be more comfortable chewing with my mouth open, but it would be rude to do so.
no...no I don't again you list small short term things to compare to an entire nightI might think everyone should talk about what I want, but that's considered rude as well. I might want to take my ball and go home ... well, you get the idea.
and I still don't understand no one is giving me a reason that makes any sense.If you don't care about these issues, then no worries! But most people, including the DM and the people that have responded to you, would consider that ... rude.
yes, if I bring a basket ball and am told "go sit and watch us all play basketball, after a few mintues I say "Can I get next game at least" and am told "No" then I say "fine, have fun I'm going to the movies" doesn't seem like I'm the one being rude...the people who expect me to sit for hours not playing the game we agreed to play but watch them play seem WAY rude though...Because by leaving when things didn't work out for you ... well, that was kind of a "take my ball and go home" moment. That was the implicit statement that if your character isn't involved, you can't be bothered. Which is ... rude. IMO. YMMV.
how long should someone sit with nothing to do to not be rude? I waited 10ish minutes (long after the other PCs realized there was nothing they could do), then I asked if there was any way I could get out...the DM told me point blank there wasn't until the PCs finished this quest and came back to find an NPC witch would be a quest in and of itself... so I waited a few minutes said my good byes, and called my girl.Every table is different. At my table, if a player's reaction to getting sidelined was to walk away, then that player wouldn't be coming back the next session to that game.
The next week I showed up with a new PC and joined the current dungeon, played it out, then helped the other PCs perform a quest for the Arcmage NPC so he would free my main character who then became my main PC again with my new PC becoming a reaccuring NPC...
this happened in 98 when I was 17. I would have left the game MUCH sooner now adays the DM had control issues that I didn't recognize back then. I can't imagine it happening today. (The DM in question is married to one of my on again off again players of 5e, but he never updated from 2e) the entire scenario was so bonkers...(I would add that you seem to indicate that this occurred back in 2e, which, I assume, means you were much younger back then. I did many things back in the day that I'm not proud of now, so I'm curious why you are defending it. Would you still act the same way, or is this residual defensiveness?)
We entered a dungeon, the thief checked for traps, DM rolled 'behind a screen' (more or less unseeable) said "you find nothing" but when the fighter opened the door it was traped and hit me, the fighter, and an NPC...I failed my 20% chance to negate and failed (rolled too high) my save. I was imprisoned in gem that was then somewhere in the dungeon. SO now the party continued on looking for me... the next room had another trap disarmed easy, then a fight with some mechanical things... all of this I was present for. However this is when I asked if I could come back in anyway...
Since we were 7th level the DM honestly told me no.
SO my wizard was out (until we could go back and get someone with 9th level spells to undo this) Since his rule was new PCs come in 1st level I left, and over the week made a Dwarven Fighter/Cleric 1/1 who came in and sponged xp for a while...