From the primary example, and from the other examples you listed (particularly, for me, the one where you said the DM gets his nose out of joint when a player reminds another player of a temporary bonus) you need to all sit down and agree - *as a group* - what is and isn't allowed.
Because, to be frank, if I sat at a table with a DM who tried to enforce that style of table-play, I wouldn't be returning next week. I respect that he is trying to run a "realistic" or "immersionist" game, but sometimes basic gameplay needs to be considered. And this is a *game* -- a recreational, social, communal activity. People need to be able to communicate about the game as they play the game so the game can get played, damnit!
What's next? A moritorium on talking about dice, 'cause your characters don't carry around polyhedrals?
No, I think that perhaps everybody needs to voice their needs, and as a group set the acceptable levels of communication, interaction, assistance, and gamesmanship.
Sure, you don't tell somebody else how to run their character, and you rarely give advice on how exactly to implement a power, but there needs to be some coordination for things to work.