Jokes overheard in Ye Olde Fantasy Tavern

[Dioltach]

What do you call a zombie with a shovel in his head? Doug.
What do you call a zombie without a shovel in his head? Douglas.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

What do you call a zombie head in a lake? Bob.

What do you call an armless, legless zombie on your door's threshold? Matt.

What do you call a zombie writhing on a pole? Banner.

 

[Dioltach]

What do you call a zombie nailed to the wall? Art.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

What do you call a zombie in a pile of leaves? Russell.

What do you call a zombie with a knife in his neck? Dirk.

What do you call a zombie in a grave? Barry.

Which zombie do you want to use to plug a hole in the battlements? Wallace.

Which zombie do you want to use to hold a statue? Stan.

 

[Dioltach]

I'd actually use Phil for plugging holes ...

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Phil- and Mason- are who you'd use on smaller projects.

 

[Dioltach]

What do you call a zombie in the cookpot? Stu.

 

[Dioltach]

And what do you call a zombie that comes crawling out of the sewer? John, or Lou.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Barkeep: "Hey everyone! This sorcerer here is looking for a powerful artifact. Its a mighty staff. He says its big and gnarled, with a knob on the end. Has anyone here seen a big gnarled staff with a knob on the end? What, everybody? I'm sorry, I don't know why they're all...hey, where'd he go?"

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Barkeep: "Heads up, everyone! This here Bounty Hunter is looking for a highwayman who escaped from the custody of the King's Wardens. His name is Freely. Izzat a last name?"

Hooded cloaked figure: *whisper whisper*.

Barkeep: "He says he doesn't know the first name, but the escapee's initials are I.P. SO, I. P. Freely! Anybody here know I. P. Freely? [the customers laugh] Wait a minute...hey, where'd he go?"