Leaving (Ending) a Gaming Group Gracefully - Advice Needed

[Vyvyan Basterd]

I think others have given good advice already. I'm just not understanding one piece of your situation. If leaving your current group and finding a new group is a valid option, then why is finding new players not an option?

I have been lucky to have a wife that supports my "every Friday night" hobby as she understands I need time for myself. This has stayed constant through two children. The amount of time we play each week has diminished to a fairly compromised amount of time so it doesn't effect the rest of my weekend (no more all-night gaming sessions - not that any of us could handle that after a long week of work anymore).

The one thing that hasn't stayed constant is everyone else's schedules. But as the group changed and I realized friends weren't able to continue on the same schedule as me I came here (and the WotC boards) looking for new players. My current group consists of one original (from HS days), one long-timer (met while working at McDs way back), a friend who played WH with a mutual friend of ours who became interested in D&D, that guy's brother, a newish player found here on ENWorld, and that guy's fiance. Maybe it's because I'm the DM/Organizer of our group and you're not?

 

[Retreater]

I'm just not understanding one piece of your situation. If leaving your current group and finding a new group is a valid option, then why is finding new players not an option?

I've tried to, asking family, friends, co-workers, and general acquaintances. I think it may be a better idea to just start from scratch, possibly inviting the old guys if I get something else established.

Thanks for the input so far, everybody.

Retreater

 

[Lord Pendragon]

Just find a second group and play in both. Once you've got a second, regular gaming group, you won't care so much if your current one is occasionally cancelled or curtailed, and if it isn't, you get to spend some time with--from the sounds of it--some good, long-time friends.

Best of both worlds.

 

[fba827]

I would

1) tell them that we don't seem to be able to all meet as often, so how about we schedule it for every other week (rather than every week), or once a month ("the second saturday or every month"). It sets expectations better to have it more focused rather than casual thought of dropping in/out.

2) look for another group to play with on the weeks you aren't playing with your 'regular' group

3) if you have no friendship ties to any of them (save the one person) once you do find a new group, see how they like 'drop in' guests and maybe your irregularly-attending friend could do drop ins with the new group as it fits his fatherhood schedule.

That would allow you to hold on to what you have and still find something to satisfy your gaming itch (wow, I think I just justified having an affair )

BUT if you _want_ a clean break to help free yourself mentally (which may be the case, considering that you posted here) then, you will have to take the "fast bandaid pull" approach. Talk with everyone (or at least your closer friends), do not name names or specifics or get personal and refer to the group as a whole. Just keep it down to the facts that focus on you -- "Everyone seems to be getting busier, so I just wanted to let you know I'm planning on (finding another group to play with on the weeks we don't play -or- finding another group)


Having said all that -- while it *does* feel personal because these are friends and you have had long associations with some of them, also remember that A) if they are your friends (or if you do other stuff with them) then you can work through this without it being a -huge- problem B) you can be honest without making it a personal attack on someone else's lack of time C) in the end, it's all supposed to be for fun/a game so if you're getting worked up/upset by the situation as it is then you do need to change something D) you're all adults (or at least I'm making that assumption based on the "gaming for ten years together and one of you is a second-time father") so hopefully there is some maturity in there too which will allow you to resolve it with less "emotional stress" than you seem to be expecting.

 

[Mark]

How did it go? Anything new?

 

[korjik]

Play every week with whoever shows up. Ignore the continuity problems inherent in doing so.

Other than that, stop whining and be glad you get to play as often as you do. For a while I was down to only being able to play once a quarter. Very annoying.

When 4e came out I used the opportunity to institute a policy of playing with whoever shows up. I dont like to do it with the Heavy Gear game, but 4e is pretty easy to do it with. Even if the players are completely different from week to week, tweaking the encounters is simple.

Player continuity gets hit a bit, but getting to play more makes up for it.

 

[Kzach]

What you need to do is get inventive.

Kill them, stuff their bodies with sacred herbs, animate them and bind their spirits to these bodies and store them in the basement.

This way you have your group on call whenever you want them.

Problem solved.

 

[JoeGKushner]

"Guys, I feel that the gaming group hasn't been the same for at least two years. I'm going to see if I can find a group that matches my current play style a little better. Call me to chill or see a movie okay?"

Unless you're worried about these people being stalkers, there really isn't a 'breaking' up with a game group. If you find a new one and are short of players one day, for example, you can call one or more of the people you did enjoy playing with in your old group.

It's not the same thing as marriage. No vows taken.

 

[Dykstrav]

I've been in good gaming groups and bad (most of them good, fortunately), and the biggest thing I've realized over the years is that life is too short for bad games.

If you're not having fun, get out.

You're spending a considerable amount of time preparing for and playing in the game. It's time that you could be working, going to a party, seeing family, attending church/temple services, going on a date, drinking with friends, or whatever your social venue of choice happens to be. If you're anything like me, your time and intellectual investment in the hobby are far too great to squander on people who don't share your commitment.

Personally, I feel that honesty is the best policy. Dancing around issues just encourages people to speculate or continue in their behavior. Directly tell the group how you feel (politely and tactfully, of course). If they are reasonable, mature adults, you'll either see a change in the group-or at least clear the air before you move on. If being honest with your group doesn't work, they really aren't the type of people you want to game with anyway. C'est la vie.

As to whether or not it's worth it to have any game over no game whatsoever... That's a call you have to make for yourself. I've bowed out of gaming for several months to a full year before, and it's a nice break to work out that homebrew, dungeon complex, or adventure path.

 

[pawsplay]

It can be tempting to think of your glory days and to look at the current situation as a disapointment. However, I think it's worth considering what you would replace the current group with. Can you find regular, dedicated players? Is there something else that would be as fun or more fun that gaming? Is it you? Burnout happens.