Let's make magical nipple jewelry!

[Cthulhu's Librarian]

Just take the "decanter of endless water" and modify. Like so:

Nipple Shield of Evermilk: If the command word spoken is spoken while the nipple ring is worn, an amount of fresh milk pours out. Separate command words determine the type as well as the volume and velocity.
• “Stream” pours out 1 gallon per round.
• “Fountain” produces a 5-foot-long stream at 5 gallons per round.
• “Geyser” produces a 20-foot-long, 1-foot-wide stream at 30 gallons per round.
The geyser effect causes considerable back pressure, requiring the holder to make a DC 12 Strength check to avoid being knocked down. The force of the geyser deals 1d4 points of damage but can only affect one target per round. The command word must be spoken to stop it.
Moderate transmutation; CL 9th; Craft Wondrous Item, create food and water; Price 9,000 gp;Weight 1 lb.

ROTFLMAO! Thanks for the best laugh of the morning!

 

[Hand of Evil]

Nipple Shield of Distraction
- Provides group invisibility to all other activity in a 100 yard diameter
- Gather information, any checks for gather information under any subject will provide gossip and wonder of the nipple shield.

 

[Olgar Shiverstone]

A 1 lb nipple shield? Ouch. Must have a drawback of severe back pain (-1 to all skill checks) if worn more than 8 hours at a time.

 

[Azlan]

Great. As if player characters don't have enough slots on their persons for magic items -- let's create a whole bunch more!

Let's see... There would be ten additional slots, right? By standardizing things, there would be two slots for eyebrow rings, one for a nose ring, one for a tongue barbell, two for nipple rings, one for a naval stud, one for a genitals ring, and two for toe rings. With the 13 slots already in existence, that would make for a total of 23 slots! (Or did I overlook something?) "Cool!", eh?

 

[Azlan]

A 1 lb nipple shield? Ouch. Must have a drawback of severe back pain (-1 to all skill checks) if worn more than 8 hours at a time.

Severe back pain from a 1-pound nipple shield? No, man, the brunt of the pain would not be bore by one's back.

 

[Gez]

Just take the "decanter of endless water" and modify. Like so:

Nipple Shield of Evermilk: If the command word spoken is spoken while the nipple ring is worn, an amount of fresh milk pours out. Separate command words determine the type as well as the volume and velocity.
• “Stream” pours out 1 gallon per round.
• “Fountain” produces a 5-foot-long stream at 5 gallons per round.
• “Geyser” produces a 20-foot-long, 1-foot-wide stream at 30 gallons per round.
The geyser effect causes considerable back pressure, requiring the holder to make a DC 12 Strength check to avoid being knocked down. The force of the geyser deals 1d4 points of damage but can only affect one target per round. The command word must be spoken to stop it.
Moderate transmutation; CL 9th; Craft Wondrous Item, create food and water; Price 9,000 gp;Weight 1 lb.

hat's not pr0n, that's art -- but you may not want to click on that link if you're at work anyway.

EDIT - *tsk* *tsk* Gez...

-Henry

A sculpture by "Hiropon". Freaky, heh?

 

[Ranger REG]

You have GOT to be kidding me? What's next? Ask Wizards if there is an extended limit to include piercings and body jewelry, in additon to what is already stated?

 

[Len]

You have GOT to be kidding me? What's next? Ask Wizards if there is an extended limit to include piercings and body jewelry, in additon to what is already stated?

Only if it's not already covered in the BoEF. Anyone know? ArthurQ?

 

[Azlan]

Just take the "decanter of endless water" and modify. Like so:

Nipple Shield of Evermilk: If the command word spoken is spoken while the nipple ring is worn, an amount of fresh milk pours out. Separate command words determine the type as well as the volume and velocity.

Can we have a version of that nipple shield that dispenses beer instead of milk, for us guys who love breasts but don't like milk? Heck, man, with those kinds of nipple shields, barmaids wouldn't need to lug around those heavy trays laden with tankards of ale -- they could bring the beer on tap to each table!

 

[Ghostwind]

Nipple Shields put a whole new spin on Natural Armor bonuses...