Let's read the entire run

[(un)reason]

Dragon Magazine Issue 229: May 1996


part 1/8


124 pages. Another chance for magic to get a turn at a themed issue. They say specialist wizardry, but it's not concentrating on any one type, so it's just the usual selection of whatever they've got in their slush pile. Can't we have another psionics special at least? It's halfway through 2e and you still haven't got round to it. I suspect I'm going to have to make this complaint again in the future. Why is it so hard to get people to really specialise in a topic?


In this issue:


The wyrms turn: My oh my. A positive message about geekdom and it's place in the world! As technology progresses, nerds become ever more essential and able to make a living from their brains. Which of course means they're less likely to be stuck in their parent's basement remaining virgins forever. In fact, things like preppy glasses, skinny jeans, stupid sweaters and hanging out in coffee shops reading are becoming a new fashion statement (goddamn hipsters) and while it might be annoying to True Geeks, being imitated by wannabes is a hell of a lot better than being ignored and laughed at. And for the foreseable future, this is getting better too. Eventually, things'll probably swing the other way, but that'll require some pretty big technological alterations to take place as well, either in making things idiot proof, or due to easy fossil fuel running out, thus forcing more people to do physical labor to survive again. So many things could happen that it's pretty much impossible to speculate on that accurately. Let's hope the future involves moving forwards to transhumanism and space, not technological collapse or extinction due to our own shortsightedness.


D-Mail: Another couple of letters praising their revamped magazine for offering stuff that's much more immediately usable, by people who haven't been reading regularly in the last few years. Well, I suppose that's the benefit of going back to basics. Repeating topics is of most benefit to casual readers.

A letter specifically praising the new Rogues gallery and Campaign classics articles. Yeah man, we like kickin' it old skool, and you're catering to that segment of the population a good deal more.

One of those letter about confused canon that are becoming increasingly common. Where the hell is Soth really? Dragonlance or Ravenloft? Well, that's a very interesting question, and you'll get a different answer depending on who you ask and when. At the moment though, he's officially stuck in Ravenloft, so Krynn can breathe easy. Not that they don't have plenty of other problems on their plate.

A more balanced letter commenting on the changes. The amount of semi-IC gumph is getting out of hand. This is interesting, but not really genuinely old skool. Well, no. It's pastiche, not actually going backwards. They are quite different things.

A letter asking for more articles covering the other continents of Toril. Faerun is starting to look overexposed. No argument with you on that one. If only the general public thought as we do, so sales made equal universal coverage economical.


Magic Miscibility: Or ultimate magic item nerf of ultimate justice! You know that potion miscibility table you rolled on if you consumed two at once? Well, someone's just had the idea of applying that principle to all magic items, and quite possibly sustained buff spells as well. They might work, they might cancel each other out, or any manner of random might happen. Essentially, this pretty much forces a relatively low-magic campaign, as while you can still have an item and cast spells, you won't be able to transform yourself into a hyper-buffed all contingencies covered monstrosity even at high level. So this is one of those articles that will change your game quite a bit, especially at high level, and might well make you unpopular with players. Still, it might just work, if you are having a problem, and it'll be amusing along the way. Just call it a paradigm shift, making magic less stable throughout the world. Make them grateful it still works at all. Muahahaha!!!

 

[(un)reason]

Dragon Magazine Issue 229: May 1996


part 2/8


The Rhabdomancer: A new specialist wizard type? Actually, it's more a particularly amusing diviner kit. Using dousing rods to detect various hidden things around you seems incredibly banal in a universe where even starting wizards can control minds and conjure blasts of energy. Whether it's more practically useful I'm not sure, but like other diviners, they only have one forbidden school, so it's not as if they're lacking in other abilities. And they do have enough new spells and alterations to existing ones that they will be interesting to play. Overall, they don't seem to be particularly under or overpowered, so I'd have no objection to using them, and the fact that they're optimised for detecting things underground gives them a perfect reason to team up with adventurers and go dungeoneering. Not bad, not bad at all.


Illusions of Grandeur: Oh hee hee hee. Our themed section continues with this highly amusing semi-IC advice on being an illusionist. Or not being an illusionist, for as we already found in issue 202, the best trick a roguish sort can pull is making you think they're completely honest and trustworthy. And let's face it, with access to another 4 wizard schools, they can provide a decent bit of reality to back up their illusions, keep people guessing as to whether a particular feature is a bluff or a real hazard. It's when things seem innocuous that you should be most worried, for when the illusion is hiding a real danger that you're actually going to suffer for your foolishness. With 5 new spells that also facilitate this kind of double-bluff behaviour, and a very quick-paced and self aware writing style, (although I figured out the twist at the end way before it happened) this shows us how to run illusionists far better than the dry old articles nitpicking on the fine points of the disbelief rules. A case where covering the same topic again isn't redundant at all, which is something they ought to pay attention to when picking articles to run.


Curses: Let's face it, just inflicting a boring penalty on dice rolls in response to people doing nasty stuff to you isn't really very dramatic. A really good curse doesn't kill it's victim, at least not quickly, it makes them suffer. This is another topic that certainly isn't new. Issues 29, 77 & 167 had articles on the inventive application of curses. And here we go again, with some random tables for you to select a punishment from. In theory, you could roll for it, but the number given doesn't fit any particular dice. Still, they are reasonably varied and amusing, giving you plenty of chances to get your sadist on. Just remember, these are really the starting point, not the end-all. Muahahaha!!!

 

[Skallon]

(un)reason really deserves to get a lot more credit for this ...

See this?

Dragon Magazine Issue 134: June 1988

part 2/5

What happens when you turn undead. (They run away like little girls. This does not solve the long term problem. I have to wonder why clerics were given this power. Maybe it's a godly conspiracy. )

AND

What does wolfsbane do (makes lycanthropes run away like little girls. Then they can cower in the corner with the undead from last encounter. And exchange haircare tips. Keeping it sleek and glossy is a lich when you're dead. )

This made me crack up. Really, really loudly. There are all these gems hidden in his reviews, and so seldom do they get pointed out.

So kudos to you, sir, for your inimitable review style and for keeping a great sense of humor over almost three years.

 

[(un)reason]

See this?



AND



This made me crack up. Really, really loudly. There are all these gems hidden in his reviews, and so seldom do they get pointed out.

So kudos to you, sir, for your inimitable review style and for keeping a great sense of humor over almost three years.

I think my sense of humour is an acquired taste. Plus a lot of it involves obscure pop culture references. Just as with the magazine itself, you can't expect all the jokes to amuse everyone.

 

[Orius]

I think my sense of humour is an acquired taste. Plus a lot of it involves obscure pop culture references. Just as with the magazine itself, you can't expect all the jokes to amuse everyone.

Like the regulars of a certain website that I'm not going to name.

 

[(un)reason]

Dragon Magazine Issue 229: May 1996


part 3/8


Bazaar of the Bizarre: Oooh. More Indian stuff. If there's a still neglected corner of the world in gaming, this is it. Both Oriental and Arabian settings slip stuff from it in, but it doesn't get it's own dedicated setting very often. Nice to see them continuing this theme for the year.

Akbari lotus wine of negotiation helps people just get on with the business at hand, instead of farting around joking and getting sidetracked, and ensures they stick to the contract after agreeing on it. Gods, I'd love to have some of this right now.

Amrita paste of immortality keeps you from dying if eaten regularly. It doesn't make you look any younger though. Enjoy your ancient withered guruness.

Animated rumal is a magical scarf that can fly and strangle people. As ever, myth is full of amusing bits to steal.

Anklet of firey retribution is one for the married couples. Course it only alerts you something is up after they die, which ain't so great, but at least it has the revenge part built in, and you won't have to clean up their body either.

A Bell of announcement lets people know how long it's going to be until you arrive, no matter how far away you are in the journey. How very polite of you. Not many wizards are well mannered and considerate enough to think of making something like this.

The Bow and Axe of conflicted Righteousness are both lawful good, but have their differences on how to best achieve this. Which means that if their owners meet, they are likely to fight. Should be fun to resolve.

Conches of rending get rid of anything from other planes, and stun everyone else by being ridiculously loud. Deafness might be an advantage here.

Dhoti of nonviolence make sure no-one attacks you if you don't attack them. Just lay back and watch the fight smugly, then negotiate with the winners and send them on a cryptic quest. That's the guru way.

The ebony mace of wavering drains karma from anyone it hits. Great, not only have you been bashed to death, but you've been reincarnated undeservingly as a weasel. Talk about adding insult to injury.

Ashoka's lion kings are a 4 set of wise and benevolent figurines. They're more than just servants, they make excellent conversation as well. Naming them Groucho, Chico, Harpo and Zeppo will probably not go down well.

Bandicoot Mounts reverse the normal figurine procedure. Instead of growing, it shrinks it's user so they can use it as a mount through small areas.

Hanuman monkeys are rather good at spying and trickery. Send them on a mission suited to their strengths and they can be quite effective. Straight combat isn't quite such a strong point, but they're hardly useless at that either.

(little) White bulls are our final figurine. They're mainly for ploughing and carrying heavy loads, but like the real thing, can be pretty nasty in a pinch. They can stay animate longer than most of these too, so they can become a staple of your party's treasure carrying strategy.

The flute of Silence persuades undead to die for good with it's unheard melodies. An excellent substitute for a cleric in the party.

Linen armor of displacement is for the thief in the party. Climbing and dimension dooring lets you ninja around quite happily.

The Mandala of psychic devotion contradicts itself. Not as useful as it'd like to be, due to unclear rules.

Rani of Jhansi's saddle lets you fight on beyond death. Once the battle stops, that's when you drop. Ride a bear, so your mount doesn't become the weak link in this business.

The Rod of monsoon control lets you cause massive devastation. Since that happens every year around these parts, people won't be too surprised.

Sapling wands allow you to bend in the wind and avoid any harm from it. Low key but neat. Probably work better as a ring or other worn item though.

Shakunta's ring of memory helps you remember where you last met people and what you did. Perfect for the adventurer on the go, this'll save you a bit of embarrasment over the years.

The Sitar of clarity is another incredibly useful item that allows you to half your spell regaining time, along with it's other meditative benefits. Course, it's tricky to read and play at the same time, so you'll have to hire someone else to do so.

A Spinning wheel of Dharma is a rather interesting device that helps you locate people's reincarnations and restore their memories of past lives. This is a very entertaining one to play with indeed.

Spirit Whisks allow you to clear out an area of intangible presences. The cleaning process may look somewhat amusing, but really, this is a plus.

The Tandava Drum and Tambourine of deva presence make people think you have a powerful supernatural guardian. Which after all, you might in a fantasy world.

The Tome of Spying allows you to have all your nearest and dearest watched for signs of treachery. Since the magical creatures involved tend to err on the side of generosity when reporting, this will make you paranoid and bitter if you weren't already. Which is the kind of consequences for owning a magic item that I find rather pleasing.

Flame-of-the-woods trees produce flammable flowers that you can use as grenades. Woo. Everyone should have some of these, if only to learn how to handle stuff carefully.

Moshka Mango Trees are the ultimate booby prize for any non-buddhist. If you're not a self-righteous prig they'll permanently cripple you, and if you are they'll "release you from the cycle of reincarnation" Yeuch. And this is presented as a good thing in the original myths.

Wool trees produce extra badass wool. This may sound funny, but will make a nice little earner for anyone who can cultivate them. And given it's importance in everyday life, it's another one it's surprising you don't see more of.

Vajira arrows turn into lightning bolts when shot. That's reasonably awesome visually. Not as dangerous as actual wizard's lightning bolts, but since they're often in batches, the damage and stunning can really add up in a tactical situation.

The Wheel of light rays is dazzling, and hurts you more the worse your karma is. Another one to separate the good guys from the bad guys (and then result in a fight afterwards) Since it also seems to have unlimited uses, use it from behind a transparent wall for freesmiting utterly broken carnage.

Wrist threads of spirit protection allow you to usefully cover another area of your body in magic items. In addition to the obvious shieldings, they also let you detect rakshasa. Course, you still probably won't be able to hurt them, but that's your problem to solve.

Well, that was certainly a pretty epic article. This should keep me busy for a quite a while, and has several amusing and surprising items in it. Always nice to be able to open a fresh barrel instead of scraping out the old ones.

 

[(un)reason]

Like the regulars of a certain website that I'm not going to name.

It distresses me that not everyone watching will get that joke.

 

[Orius]

Well, that was certainly a pretty epic article. This should keep me busy for a quite a while, and has several amusing and surprising items in it. Always nice to be able to open a fresh barrel instead of scraping out the old ones.

Some of said items got a 3.0 upgrade in the OA Web Enchancement.

 

[(un)reason]

Dragon Magazine Issue 229: May 1996


part 4/8


A wizards' three: Not to be confused with THE wizards three, which I did when I first looked at the contents page, and I suspect is a misconception they encourage, for there are some people for whom the presence of an Ed Greenwood article is a real tipping point in deciding to buy. But no, this is another variant specialist type and a couple of kits instead. Not as impressive, but still nice for those players who crave more crunchy options when designing their characters.

Frost wizards are para-elemental specialists, following in the footsteps of Athasian clerics. They are extra good at ice spells, above average with air & water, and forbidden to use fire & earth ones. Since there aren't that many ice spells, they may have rather limited tactical options, but that is solved by collecting more supplements. They don't seem particularly under or overpowered really.

Fiend slayers are one of those kits where the bonusses seem to outweigh the penalties, but as they're very focussed upon lower-planar monstrosities, and since such things are well above average in their offensive capability, they'll need all the help they can get to avoid a quick (or slow, which would be worse) death. Like paladins, it's a hard life being a hero.

Spiritualists are also mostly benefits, with the penalties for their profession purely social and roleplaying based. Since their benefits are more widely applicable, they are one that is definitely better than just not having a kit. Whether you allow that is of course up to you as a DM.


Rogues Gallery: Skip Williams chooses to remind us that while Ranger/Druids are technically an illegal combination, they're such an obvious choice thematically that they had a loophole built in for them. Thanks Frank. :teeth ting: There are other interesting aspects of this that stem from the game's rules quirks, such as the fact a half-elf would grow up slower than humans, but way faster than elves, and thus struggle in a standard schooling system either way, and the way his magical items synergise and their effects are factored into the statistics. The personality stuff is pretty typical, but then, he's never been great at that, has he. So overall, I think that balances out to an average entry for this series.


AD&D Triviathalon: For a third month in a row, this competition and it's associated hotline get promoted. Time is running out fast! Take this chance to give us more money! Nothing new here, I'm just surprised how hard they're promoting it. Curious and slightly annoying.


The dimensional wizard: A second new specialist wizard in one issue. I feel rather spoiled. This issue isn't doing too badly with it's theme at all. And specialising in planar manipulating magic is the kind of thing I would love to do. Like wild mages, they don't actually have any forbidden schools, although they do suffer a fairly substantial penalty when attempting to learn spells outside their speciality. With the usual bonus spell per spell level, bonuses on saves and penalties on enemy saves, plus a few nifty extras at high level, they seem quite decent, although like necromancers, they have a serious shortage of low level spells that means they may be rather squishy and a third wheel initially, but become really awesome later on when groups actually want to go planehopping. I shall have to invent a few low level spells to compensate for that if I ever get the chance to use this, but I do strongly approve of this in principle.


Campaign Classics: Zeb returns to his own writing of a decade ago, and updates the Wu Jen for 2nd edition. In fact, this isn't so much an updating as it is a complete reimagining, trying to create another type of wizard which spends hit points to power their spells instead of forgetting them after casting. While a little tougher and more capable physically than a standard wizard, they're still pretty fragile, which means they'll only be able to cast a few spells before having to rest even if they max out their constitution. And since they're resistant to magical healing, over an extended campaign, they'll wind up using dramatically less magic, or resting for weeks between adventures. Combine that with the fact that their spell selections are tiny, and they're vastly underpowered to even the most cursory mechanical examination. Sorry, as much as I love some of the stuff you've produced, I'm not using something like this with a 10 foot pole. The core idea isn't bad, but it needs some serious revising to work in a game with ordinary classes. So this somehow manages to be the only big failure in an otherwise very good themed section.

 

[Skallon]

It distresses me that not everyone watching will get that joke.

Yup. Someone like me. That being said, I do get (most) of your obscure pop culture references, so it'a all good