Treebore, I'm sorry for your loss. Unfortunately I know pretty well how you feel. I lost one of my best friends in the world to a heart attack a year and a half ago. He was 33.
It hurts to lose somebody close to you like that. It hurts bad and it leaves a hole in your life that I'm not sure will ever go away. I know the hole in mine hasn't. But when I take time to think about what that means (and I've take A LOT of time thinking about it) I know that ultimately it means that he was somebody who had a big impact on my life. Somebody who was a true friend.
For friends like that, death is really the only way to lose them.
Hang in there and don't be afraid to ask for help from here at the boards. I know that I drew a lot of strength from the folks here at ENWorld. More than I thought that I would or that they'll probably ever know.