Star Trek: Strange New Worlds Season 3 Is Almost Upon Us! Discuss What You Want

Snarf Zagyg

Notorious Liquefactionist
Supporter
HEY NOW! Star Trek: Strange New Worlds ... that's about to start Season 3! WooT!

I have changed the title and purpose of the thread. FEEL FREE TO DISCUSS ST:SNW and the upcoming S3 or whatever. Below are some selected reviews of S1 and S2 in the spoilers.

Some of you (for vanishing quantities of "some") may remember my beloved couchmate and metalhead, SNARFZODIACKILLER, who would post reviews of things, mostly Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, before he was banished for being too metal* ... and also for having a non-functional keyboard that only let SZK type the same way he lived...**

IN ALL CAPS!

As SZK once said about the Seth MacFarlane fart-filled vanity project that somehow trasmogrified into a very well done and loving homage to ST:TNG with the IP filed off...
ORVILLE IS A GOOD ZEPPELIN COVER BAND. STRANGE NEW WORLDS IS WATCHING GNR IN CONCERT SUPPORTING APPETITE FOR DESTRUCTION BEFORE THEY SPLIT UP AND AXL GOT ALL CRAZY.

Anyway, as I continue my long sojourn and exist somewhere between the half-remembered dream and the day you lost your childlike sense of wonder, I thought I'd collect the posts of ... if not the best reviewer of things ever, certainly the ALL-CAPPIEST and METALEST! And that must count for something, right?

I'll put them in spoilers, just in case all those all-caps trigger you into remembering why you had to block your uncle's facebook posts.


SNARFZODIACKILLER EPISODE 4 REVIEW

OMG. STAR TREK IS COOKING WITH GAS NOW. GAS? NO. THEY ARE TORCHING THESE TBONES WITH FLAMETHROWERS. AS SOON AS PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THAT THE MOUNTAIN STREAMING NETOWKFR EXISTS, THEY WILL BE ON THIS SHOW LIKE SHATKIRK ON ALIEN CHICKS.

GETTING DOWN TO THAT PLANET AND YOU KNOW ITS GETTING REAL. SEEING ALL THAT BLOOD MADE ME WANT TO PUT ON SLAYER. OR SABBATH. OR IRON MAIDEN. OR ALL OF THEM AT THE SAME TIME. YOU KNOW ITS ABOUT TO GET EXTRA AWESOME.

AND IT DID.

I CANNOT BELIEVE THEY WENT ALL DAS BOOT. I SAW THAT BRIDGE GO DARK AND THE PING PING PING OF ENTERPRISE SONAR AND I SWEAR TO GOD I THOUGHT SEAN CONNERY WAS FAKING A RUSSIAN ACCENT. AND BULKHEADS CLOSING. CLOSING!!!!! YOU KNOW ITS ALL HITTING THE FAN WHEN YOU GET STUCK ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THAT BULKHEAD.

THIS IS A SHOW THAT DARES TO ASK THE QUESTIONS- WHAT IF NEXT GENERATION, BUT PICARD WANTED TO KICK BUTT INSTEAD OF ADJUST HIS UNIFORM AND DRINK TEA? WHAT IF DEEP SPACE NINE, BUT WE WERENT STUCK ON A STUPID SPACE STATION? WHAT IF VOYAGER, BUT NOT SUCKY?

ONE MORE THING- DONT GIVE ME YOUR SILLY BLOOD TRANSFUSION. REAL AUGMENTS WILL GRAB HOLD OF THE CLOSEST PERSON AND SUCK ALL THE BLOOD THEY NEED RIGHT OUT. YOU HEARD ME MYSTIQUE. AND WHEN HEMMER SAYS HE IS A PACIFIST THAT LIKES PLANTS, HE MEANS THAT HE IS ALL ABOUT THE BOTANY BAY AND HE TOTALLY ROCKS THE VIOLENCE LIKE A BLIND WARRIOR MONK.

FINAL RATING: FOUR SEU JORGE SONGS.

WHAT SEU JORGE SONGS?
THREE BOWIES AND ONE ORIGINAL.

TO GET A RATING OF FOUR BOWIE COVERS, PIKE WOULD HAVE HAD TO SCREAM “GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!“

SNARFZODIACKILLER HAS STANDARDS!!!111!! JUST SAY NO TO SEU JORGE INFLATION.


SNARFZODIACKILLER EPISODE 5 REVIEW

I CAME INTO THE EPISODE TOTALLY HEADBANGING FROM THE LAST ONE. I SWEAR ALL I COULD HEAR EVERY TIME I CLOSED MY EYES WAS THE PING PING PING OF SPACE SONAR. BUT PIKE'S POSSE HAD ME LIKE PUTTY. FLASH ME BACK TO THOSE RED VULCANIZED COMBAT TIRES BABY! FILL ME UP WITH ALL Y'ALLS T'PRINGS AND T'PAUS AND T'WUTS!!!!! AINT NO COMBAT LIKE A VULCAN COMBAT CUZ A VULCAN COMBAT DONT STOP!

UNTIL SOMEONE DIES. METAL!!!!!

SPOCK AMOK? DOES THAT RHYME? SPOCK AMOCK? SPUCK AMUCK? OH FU....

THIS WAS THE BREATHER I NEEDED. LIKE ALL AWESOME BANDS, YOU NEED TO BREAK UP THE AWESOME SPEED EAR BLEEDS WITH THE AWESOME BALLADS. ALSO ITS FOR THE CHICKS. AND FOR ME. AMOKING THE SPOCK WAS TOTALLY EVERY ROSE HAS A THORN. AND NOBODYS FOOL. AND NOVEMBER RAIN.

BUT IF THEY WERE ALL TOGETHER AND PLAYED BY METALLICA. I WAS HOLDING MY LIGHTER UP THE ENTIRE EPISODE. MY THUMB HURTS SO BAD.

BUT IT WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT, BECAUSE PIKE WAS ROCKING THE GREEN KIRK SMOCK. SMOCK, SPOCK. SPOCK, AMOK. AMOK SMOCK.

YOU KNOW THAT GREEN COLOR- MEANS THE CAPTAIN IS GOING ALL OFFICIAL AND SHIZNIT. NEEDS TO DIPLOMACY THE HELL OUT OF THE SITUATION. AND HE DID. PIKE KIRKED THE HELL OUT OF THOSE ALIENS. THEY NEVER HAD A CHANCE. THE FEDERATION ASSIMILATED THEM LIKE THEY WERE A PRE-WARP SPECIES ON THE BORG CHARCUTERIE PLATTER.

CRISIS.
AVERTED.
KIRK-STYLE.
TRUST IN THE HUNCH, CAPTAIN, TRUST IN THE HUNCH.

AND I HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN TO THE BODY SWAP. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? WHO CARES? FREAKY VULCAN STUFF DOESN'T EVEN RATE WHEN NURSE CHAPEL IS SHIPPING SPOCK HARDER THAN FEDEX. AND CHAPEL LOVES SPOCK FOR BOTH BODIES SPOCK IS IN. CHAPEL PROBABLY WAS ALL LIKE, WHAT IF I PUT SPOCK IN BOTH BODIES AND IM THE FILLING IN A SPOCK SANDWICH? 'CUZ SPOCK CAN AMOK ME ANYTIME. UM, NURSE CHAPEL. SPOCK CAN AMOK CHAPEL.

......THATS JUST HOW A FREAKY DINGO EATS UR BABY.


OH YEAH. ENTERPRISE BINGO. COOL. YOU KNOW AT LEAST 2/3 OF THOSE ARE SOME VARIATIONS OF "SOMETHING SOMETHING TRANSPORTER INTERCOURSE." JUST LEAVE IT TO KILLFUN MYSTIQUE AND BABY KHAAAN TO IGNORE THE GOOD STUFF.

THEY DONT HAVE HOLDOECKS YET. I DONT WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE PERVS ON TNG DID FOR BINGO. PROBABLY OVERLOADED THE BIOFILTERS.

RATING: 7 "CAN YOU HEAR ME STEVENS" FROM CLEM FANDANGO


SNARFZODIACKILLER EPISODE 6 REVIEW

ALL KILLER, NO FILLER. SO AFTER AN EPISODE OF SHORE LEAVE THAT WAS CHOCK FULL O' JINX, IT WAS TIME TO GET BACK INTO THE ACTION.

AND LIKE AC/DC, THIS EPISODE WAS BACK IN BLACK. WHAT IS THAT? THE SOUND OF A SHUTTLE ... IN DISTRESS? OH YEAH! IT'S TIME TO GET IT ON. IT'S TIME FOR THE ENTERPRISE TO GET ALL PAX ROMANA ON SOME PEEPS.

KNOCK KNOCK.

WHO THERE?

IM SORRY, I CANT HERE YOU OVER THE SOUND OF MY CONSTITUTION-CLASS AWESOMENESS! SET PHASERS TO ACCIDENTALLY BLOW UP THE EVIDENCE, ENSIGN, WE COME IN PEACE (SHOOT TO KILL).

AND WHO DID WE RESCUE? LOOKS LIKE SOME ALIEN SPACE BABE. HAVENT SEEN EYES TRYING TO HAVE THE HOT LUVIN' SINCE THAT GREAT WHITESNAKE VIDEO. WHAT GREAT WHITESNAKE VIDEO?

TRICK QUESTION, UHURU. SECURITY KNOWS THAT ALL WHITESNAKE VIDEOS ARE GREAT.

BUT LOOK AT PIKE. HE KNOWS THAT HE IS GONNA GET UP IN THAT LADYS BIZNESS LIKE SHATKIRK. BUT HE PLAYS IT ALL COY. HES A MODERN KIRK, PLAYING HARD TO GET. BUT YOU KNOW ITS GOING TO GET REAL. BECAUSE THE LADY IS TOO NICE, AND THE MAN IS TOO MEAN AND SUSPICIOUS. GONNA HAFTA BE A SWITCHEROO BY THE END OF THIS EPISODE.

OH HEY- REMEMBER THAT THE DOC HAD A TRANSPORTER KID? I DIDNT EITHER. I THINK HER NAME IS DEUS EX. MAYBE SEE HER IN ANOTHER FIVE EPISODES?

SO PIKE GOES TO THE PLANET, AND THEY HAVE A BUDGET FOR PLANET SCENES. NICE. AND THE LADY TOTALLY SCORES HERSELF SOME PIKE. THAT MEANS THAT SHE HAS TO DIE OR IS THE BADDIE. CANT HAVE ROMANCE WEIGHING DOWN THE CAP.

BACK ON THE SPACESHIP, BABY KHAAN AND UHURU ARE BONDING LIKE #FREEHEMMER AND UHURU. JUST UNCOVERING SKULDUGGERY. AND THEN BOOM MAJOR TRANSPORTER SCENE. WOAH. ANON TRANSPORTER CREWMAN CANT STOP THE BEAMOUT.

AND ANON TRANSPORTER CREWMAN IS ALL LIKE IF IMA GET THIS LITTLE PERSONALITY AND SCREENTIME ON THIS CREW, IMA APPLY FOR A TRANSFER TO STAR TREK: BURNHAM. #GIVEHIMANUHURUEPISODE

SO OF COURSE PIKES NEW OLD NEW LADYFRIEND IS ALL EVIL. ALL ABOUT THE BABY KILLING. EXCEPT ONLY KIND OF SORT OF EVIL. WHICH .... I MEAN... SHES HOT. SHES INTO PIKE. SHES OKAY WITH THE OCCASIONAL CHILD SACRIFICE.

I THINK IM IN LOVE. SO METAL. LIKE AN ALIEN BOBBI BROWN.

BUT PIKE IS NOT DOWN WITH THAT. MAJOR MORAL DILEMMA. SURE, PIKE CAN SACRIIFICE HIS FEW TO SAVE THE MANY, BUT THIS IS A CHILD, AND DIFFERENT. BECAUSE REASONS!

AND THEN WE END ON A SCENE THAT TRULY ENCAPSULATES THE NUANCES AND MIXED EMOTIONS THAT THIS SHOW IS BRINGING OUT. LIKE HEARING GNR IS GETTING BACK TOGETHER AND THEN FINDING OUT THAT NO, ITS JUST AXL AGAIN.

PIKE, PENSING AND FURROWING AT THE WINDOW.
ON THE ONE HAND, THE CHILD DIED.
ON THE OTHER HAND ... HE SCORED. HE TOTALLY SCORED.

RATING: 8 1/2 BIZARRO STORMIES


SNARFZODIACKILLER EPISODE 7 REVIEW

LIKE A GOOD STAR TREK EPISODE, SZK IS GOING BACK IN TIME WITH THE REVIEWS. BUT MORE BECAUSE THE REVIEWER WAS TRAPPED ON AN ALL-METAL CRUISE WITH A DRINK PLAN, AND NOT CHOOSING TO LET THE HOTTIES DIE BECAUSE OF HITLER. PINA COLADAS AND SLAYER MAKES SZK FORGET HARLAN ELLISON FRIDGED JOAN COLLINS.

AND THIS SHOW JUST KEEPS ON WITH THE SIZZLE AND THE STEAK. HENRY MILLER? HES LIKE THE OG OF METAL WRITERS. UNPACK ALL OF THAT ORNATE LANGUAGE AND MILLER IS STRAIGHT UP DISHING WARRANTS CHERRY PIE VIDEO BUT WITH LESS NUANCE. AND THAT IS THIS EPISODE IN A NUTSHELL.

BORDERS OF FEDERATION SPACE? YES!

SPACE PIRATES? YOU BET!

PIKE GOING ALL AWESOME AS HE IS ABSOLUTELY REQUIRED TO DO? HE GOES 100 LIKE HIS GRAVITY-DEFYING HAIR DEMANDS.

THE CAPTAIN AS THE LAST BOY SCOUT? POUR ONE OUT FOR BRUCE WILLIS ACTING CAREER.

FLAGSHIP OF FEDERATION CAPTURED BY A BUNCH OF YAHOOS FOR REASONS THAT BARELY ESCAPE THE GRAVITY WELL OF THE BLACK HOLE IMPLAUSIBILITY? HONESTLY DIDNT NOTICE.

ABSENCE OF MOST ROCKING BLIND-WARRIOR MONK ENGINEER EVER? #FREEHEMMER.

TELEPORTER ACTION WITHOUT CHIEF KYLE GETTING EVEN A LIMITED AMOUT OF SCREEN TIME? HOW CAN THEY OPERATE THAT WITHOUT HIS SKILLFUL PUSHING UP OF TELEPORTER LEVERS????? KYLE IS THE FLEA OF THE TELEPORTER AND TOTALLY OWNZ THE SLAP TECHNIQUE.

INTRODUCTION OF ANOTHER #SPOCKSIBLING? U BET! WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW, CANONLOVERS AND HATERZ OF ODD FILMS?

CREATION OF AN AWESOME RECURRING VILLAIN WHO IS SO METAL I SALUTE HER? SEVALAN IS BACK IN BLACK AND HAS CROSSED UNIVERSES!!!!!! #SYBOKISACTUALLYAVON?

ALSO MAYBE NOT HAVE EVERY INTRODUCED LADY FRIEND TURN OUT TO BE EVIL? TWO EPISODES IS A TREND, THREE EPISODES WOULD BE A REAL HOMAGE TO TOS.

BUT PUT ALL THAT NONSENSE ASIDE. BECAUSE THAT IS NOT EVEN A B PLOT. NOT EVEN A C PLOT. NOT EVEN A D PLOT.

ALL UR PLOTZ ARE BELONG TO SPOCK-LOVIN. WHEN IT COMES TO HOT SPOCK ROMANCE, WE KNOW HOW IT ENDS UP (KIRK/SPOCK 4 LYFE) BUT THIS IS ABOUT YOUNG FRISKY TROPIC OF CANCER SPOCK. SPOCK IS LL COOL S - LADIES LOVE COOL SPOCK.

SPOCK IS THE COOL CAT. I MEAN ... REALLY SPOCK IS A CAT. EVERYONE HAS THE HOTZ FOR SPOCK BECAUSE HE IS EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE LIKE UR CAT. THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS THAT SPOCK IS NOT WAITING FOR YOU TO DIE SO THAT HE CAN EAT YOU. PROBABLY. I DONT KNOW ALL THE FREAKY DEAKY VULCAN LOVING RITUALS. MAYBE THEY DO EAT THEIR LOVERS AFTER SEXY TIME. #PON-NOMNOMNOM

WHO GETS THE SPOCK? THATS THE QUESTION. COUNSELOR SERVALAN? PIKE? T'HOTTIE? #FREEHEMMER? NURSE THIRD WHEEL ATE MY DINGO? EVIL SPOCK WITH GOATEE?

THIS EPISODE WAS ALL ABOUT THE FEELZ. JUST DEVASTATING AT THE END. IT WAS LIKE JOHN MALKOVICH IN DANGEROUS LIAISONS. OR CINERALLA IN NOBODYS FOOL. IT HURT SO MUCH TO SEE. TO SEE THAT ATTEMPT TO REACH OUT SHUT DOWN. THE CHARACTER WORK AND THE ACTING ....

...I STILL CANT BELIEVE NUMBER ONE WOULNT LET THE CAPTAIN MAKE PIRATE JOKES. THAT IS A PAIN THAT WILL LINGER.


SNARFZODIACKILLER IS BACK BABY! I TRIED TO WAIT BEFORE WATCHING ANOTHER STRANGE NEW WORLDS, BUT THAT WOULD BE LIKE STOPPING OZZYS CRAZY TRAIN BEFORE THE KILLER GUITAR SHREDDING.

ALL ABOARD THE FLAGSHIP OF THE ENTERPRISE HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
AY AY AY AY AY AY AY

OH I FORGOT THE RATING FOR THE LAST EPISODE.
EPISODE SEVEN WAS 13 AND 3/8 CHRIS CORNELL ROCK SCREAMS.

SNK EPISODE 8 REVIEW:

OH. SO THAT HAPPENED. WRITERS HAD A PROBLEM WITH FITTING IN TELEPORTER GIRL. SO LETS JUST RIGHT HER OFF ALREADY. DEUS EX MACHINA SOLVED BY DEUS EX STUPIDA.

DONT THINK THAT SNK HASNT NOTICED THAT WE ARE NOW THREE/THREE IN A ROW. E6? LADY FRIEND INTO CHILD KILLING. E7? LADY FRIEND INTO KILLING ABND PIRACY AND LOOKING REALLY HOT IN BLACK (COUNSELOR SERVALAN, I SALUTE YOU). E8? LADY PROBLEM SOLVED BY WRITING OFF SHOW.

LOOK, I GET IT. ITS HARD. WRITING. KEEPING TRACK OF THINGS. THE DOCTORS DAUGHTER WAS GETTING TO CHIEF KYLE STATUS- A SURPRISE WHEN YOU SHOW UP. MAYBE ITS THE TRANSPORTERS ON THE FLAGSHIP? EVERYTHING THAT TOUCHES THEM BEGINS TO DISAPPEAR FROM THE PLOT OF THE SHOW.

THE EPISODE ITSELF WAS GOOD. ACTORS GOTTA ACT. AND THERE IS NOTHING AS METAL AS SOME REN FAIRE ACTION. A FEW SWORDS AND WIZARDS AND ARCHERS? GET THE LED OUT BABY, WE ARE GOING TO RAMBLE ON TO THE DARKEST DEPTHS OF MORDOR.

DOCTOR "I HAVE NO PERSONALITY TRAITS DEVELOPED YET" OPENS THE EPISODE BY TAKING IN SOME MAJOR COCAINE. HE WAS ALL INTO THAT MEDICAL EXPERIMENT LIKE SCARFACE. HE GOT SO HIGH HE BECAME KING. AND ITS GOOD TO BE THE KING.

OF COURSE, THERE WERE PROBLEMS IN THE KINGDOM. PROBLEMS THAT CAN ONLY BE SOLVED BY #FREEHEMMER. KINGDOC AND #FREEHEMMER ROCKED AND ROLLED AND EVENTUALLY LEARNED THAT ALL OF THE Q CONTINUUM WAS BOOKED OUT AND THEY HAD TO PARLAY WITH A NEBULA PRESENCE THAT WAS SPONTANEOUSLY CREATED BY THE BASS LINE FROM ACE OF SPADES.

PARLAY SUCCESSFUL, EVERYONE GOES BACK TO NORMAL. NOT A GREAT EPISODE, BUT A SOLID CHOICE.

STAR TREK IS LIKE DEF LEPPARD. ENTERPRISE WAS LIKE THE DRUMMER LOSING HIS ARM. WILL STAR TREK EVERY ROCK AGAIN? AND STRANGE NEW WORLDS SEASON 1 IS TOTALLY HYSTERIA. PROOF THAT STAR TREK CAN, AND WILL, ROCK. EVERY EPISODE SLAMS. THIS EPISODE IS GODS OF WAR. IT MIGHT NOT BE ONE OF THE SEVEN CHARTING SINGLES, BUT UR NOT SKIPPING IT.

FINAL RATING: 87 TROUT MASK REPLICAS.


SNARFZODIACKILLER EPISODE 9 REVIEW:

WHAT?

WHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHAT? I CANT EVEN.

I
CANT
EVEN.

WHAT DID I JUST SEE? THIS WAS NIRVANA AT GLASTONBURY. ALL KILLER NO FILLER.

THE EPISODE OPENS UP WITH UHURU AND SOME RANDOS GETTING PROPS. TWO RANDOS IVE NEVER SEEN GETTING PROMOTIONS?

CONGRATULATIONS, YOUVE JUST BEEN GIVEN RED SHIRTS.

SPEAKING OF GREAT IDEAS, LETS SPLIT OF THE CREW. AND PUT THE RANDOS ON THE MILK RUN, BECAUSE THAT ALWAYS GOES WELL.

SO NOW WE ARE ON ICE PLANET HOTH, AND THERE ARE NO COMMUNICATIONS AND NO SCANNERS, AND ONE OF THE MANY CRASHED ENTERPRISES FROM THE KELVIN MOVIE UNIVERSE IS LOOMING OMINOUSLY IN THE BACKGROUND. AND THEN THERE IS BLOOD. AND GORN. AND ...

OH. MY. GOD. IS THAT THE XENOMORPHS THEME MUSIC? IT IS! THATS RIGHT. WE HAVE GONE FROM CRIBBING FROM DAS BOOT TO SHAMELESSLY BORROWING FROM ALIEN AND THE THING. THIS IS THINGLIEN. AND I THINK CRONENBERG LEFT DISCOVERY TO GIVE SOME ADDED BODY HORROR.

SO THE CREW, AND #FREEHEMMER, STUMBLE AROUND AND FIND A LITTLE GIRL. WE WILL CALL HER NEWT2. NEWT2 STIRS ALL THE FEELZ IN NOTKHAN, AND THEN THINGS GET DARK. SPOCK HAS TO GO ALL EMO AND SCREAMO AND ...

WAIT. NO. NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO....

NOT #FREEHEMMER. THAT SOUND YOU HEARD? THAT WAS THE SOUND OF A MILLION FANS SCREAMING AT ONCE, "IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN KYLE!" AND ANOTHER BILLION FANS SCREAMING, "IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN THAT DUDE AT THE TRANSPORTER WHOSE NAME I CANNOT RECALL!!!!!!!"

#SORRYNOTSORRY

pour-one-out-for-the-homies.gif



HOW CAN THE MOST AWESOME THING EVER HURT SO BAD? ITS LIKE IF THE DOCTOR TOLD YOU THAT LISTENING TO BLACK SABBATHS WAR PIGS ONE MORE TIME WOULD CAUSE YOUR LIVER TO EXPLODE. AND THAT ENDING?

IM NOT CRYING! UR CRYING. SHUT UP.

FINAL RATING: IM HAVING MY BRAINS SMASHED OUT BY A LEMON SLICE WRAPPED AROUND A LARGE GOLDEN BRICK.



SEASON 1 WAS LIKE KILL 'EM ALL. CAN YOU GET ANY MORE METAL?

AND YOU THINK ... NO. NONE CAN BE MORE METAL THAN THIS. AND SO YOU PUT ON SEASON 2 PREPARING FOR DISAPPOINTMENT, EXPECTING SOME KIND OF WEAK-AZZ CHRISTOPHER CROSS NONSENSE, AND NO... INSTEAD, FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE STARTS BOOMING WHEN YOU DROP THE NEEDLE DOWN ON RIDE THE LIGHTNING, AND YOU REALIZE .... MEIN GOTT. THEY HAVE TAKEN THE THRASH AND MADE IT BOTH MORE SOHPHISTICATED AND MORE BRUTAL.

IT CAN GET MORE METAL. BUY THE TICKET, TAKE THE RIDE.

SNARFZODIACKILLER SEASON 2 REVIEW, EPISODE 1-4

WUT WUT WUT? AFTER A LONG PERIOD OF WITHDRAWAL, I FEEL LIKE I JUST MAINLINED STRAIGHT-UP CLASSIC '80S GNR, BABY. THATS RIGHT. I DONT KNOW WHAT A PARAMOUNT IS, BUT IMA GONNA WATCH SHATKIRK AND HIS CREW EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK, AND TWICE ON SUNDAYS.

FIRST EPISODE WAS GOOD. RIGHT DECISION IN SENDING AWAY SHATKIRK AND HIS DREAMY HAIR. DONT THINK I COULD TAKE THAT MUCH AWESOMENESS ALL AT ONCE. SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA LET THE DRUMMER DO HIS SOLO. AND BY DRUMMER, I MEAN DOCTOR FEELPAIN. ENOUGH OF BORING SADSACK DOCTOR WITH HIDDEN CHILD. THIS IS AWESOME SADSACK DOCTOR THAT DOESNT WANT TO KICK YOUR AZZ ... BUT STILL DOES!

AND DID SOMEONE SAY KLINGONS? LIKE ANY GOOD COVER BAND, THEY KNOW WHEN TO BRING OUT THE HITS. AND THIS IS LED ZEPPLICA WHIPPING OUT WHOLE LOTTA LOVE. SPEAKING OF A WHOLE LOTTA LOVE .... SPOCKPEL? CHASPOCK? KILL ME NOW AND PLAY NOBODYS FOOL AT MY FUNERAL, THIS NON-AGAIN-ON-AGAIN RELATIONSHIP IS THE ROSS AND RACHEL OF OUTER SPACE, IF ROSS AND RACHEL DIDNT SUCK MORE THAN ST ANGER. #LADIESLOVECOOLSPOCK #SPOCKKIRK4LYFE

FINALLY, ENTERPRISE HAS YET ANOTHER NON-SCOTTISH ENGINEER. IS THE NEW ENGINEER OKAY? MAYBE. BUT THE NEW ENGINEER IS NOT HEMMER. #NEVERFORGET #IMNOTCRYINGURCRYING

SECOND EPISODE WAS A TRIAL I THINK. ON THE GOOD SIDE, LOTS OF SHATKIRK HAIR AND HIM LOOKING PENSIVE. SO. HOT. ON THE MINUS SIDE, LOTS OF MYSTIQUE. SZK HAS BEEN ARRESTED A FEW TIMES IN DIFFERENT STATES WITH COMPETENT COURT SYSTEMS (AND MISSISSIPPI) AND HAS NEVER HAD AN EXPERIENCE LIKE THAT. GETTING YOUR GENES ALL UPCHARGED IS A LITTLE DIFFERENT THAN PUBLIC URINATION?

THERE WAS A GOOD MORAL HERE. THINK IT WAS BE EXCELLENT TO EACH OTHER. OR MAYBE IT WAS .... ALL WE OUR IS DUST IN THE WIND, DUDE. I DON'T KNOW, I GOT LOST IN SHATKIRK'S DREAMY EYES FOR MOST OF THE EPISODE.

THIRD EPISODE? O.M.G. YOU WANT TO PLAY THE HITS? YOU WANT TO PLAY THE REAL HITS? THATS RIGHT, SOMEONE IN THE CROWD KEEPS SCREAMING, PLAY FREEBIRD. AND RONNIE VAN ZANDT SHOWS UP AND GRABS THE MIC AND STARTS SINGING. SHATKIRK, MEET REALKIRK.

REALKIRK AND KHAN! TRAVEL BACK IN TIME TO 1967 TO MAKE FUN OF CANADA AND INSURE THAT JOAN COLLINS IS KILLED BY CANADIAN GENETIC SUPREMECISTS. THIS EPISODE HAD EVERYTHING. REALKIRK. BLAMING CANADA. ROMULANS BEING BOTH INCREDBILY SNEAKY AND INCREDIBLY STUPID. A MODERN COMMENTARY ON FRIDGING. A WATCH. #CHEKHOVS WATCH

FINALLY, WE HAD THE FOURTH EPISODE OF PURE METAL. SHATKIRK HAS A LADY FRIEND. I AM ON TO YOU AND YOUR GIFT, LADY FRIEND. FIRST, SHATKIRK AND HIS HAIR AND HIS DREAMY EYES BELONG TO ME... TO US, THE VIEWERS! SECOND, I WATCHED THE FIRST SEASON. SHATKIRK ALREADY HAD TWO LADY FRIENDS. AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE COMMON DENOMINATOR WAS? THATS RIGHT.... EVIL! LADY FRIEND THAT KILLS CHILDREN. LADY FRIEND THAT PIRATES UP STUFF. WE REMEMBER, EVEN IF SHATKIRK DOESNT.

THIS EPISODE ASKS A PROFOUND QUESTION. IS IT BETTER TO BE IGNORANT AND HAPPY, OR KNOWLEDGABLE AND UNHAPPY. EXCEPT ITS MORE IS IT BETTER OT BE IGNORANT AND ENSLAVED AND BEATEN, OR KNOWLEDGABLE AND THE RULERS OF THE PLANET. SHATKIRK MAKES THE RIGHT DECISION.

....BUT I HAVE MY EYE ON THE LADY FRIEND. BECAUSE WE KNOW. WE ALL KNOW. A DEF LEPPARD CANT CHANGE ITS SPOTS. AND A LADY FRIEND OF THE CAPTAIN MUST BE EVIL.

MY RATING FOR THE FIRST 40% OF THE SEASON: 14.378 SHEIK YERBOUTIS


SNARFZODIACKILLER SEASON 2 REVIEW, EPISODE 5

WHAT WAS THIS? SOMETIMES YOU ARE AT THE SHOW AND THE BAND STOPS THE HARD ROCKING, AND THEY ARE ALL LIKE, WE WANT TO PLAY A SONG FROM OUR NEW ALBUM, AND YOU ARE ALL LIKE, BOO. BUT IN A RESPECTFUL MANNER.

THIS WAS NOT THAT. NO, THIS WAS THE BAND BREAKING OUT A DEEP VAULT SONG. OR A COVER. YOU HEARD ME. AXL GOT UP THERE AND AFTER PLAYING PANAMA CITY, HE WAS LIKE, GUESS WHAT PEOPLE? YOU READY FOR THE GNR VERSION OF CHINA IN YOUR HAND? 'CUZ GNR IS ABOUT TO GO ALL T'PAU ON YOU!

THIS EPISODE HAD EVERYTHING VIEWERS CRAVE. SPOCK STRUGGLING WITH EMOTIONS. UNREQUITED LOVE. PIKE COOKING. REQUITED LOVE. VULCANS BEHAVING LIKE LITTLE BI***ES. CLEVER CUTAWAYS WHEN YOU KNOW SOMEONE IS CURSING. ELECTROLYTES.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, WE GET THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION WE HAVE ALL ASKED SINCE STAR TREK FIRST STARTED. YES, ALL BEINGS IN SPACE, EXCEPT THE POWERFUL GOD-LIKE SPACE CLOUD BEINGS, ARE HUMANS WITH FUNNY EARS AND FUNNY FOREHEADS. BASICALLY, ALIENS ARE GWAR WITH WORSE PROSTHETICS AND LESS METAL. BUT THE IMPORTANT QUESTION IS- DO ALL ALIENS LOVE BACON?

YES, YES THEY DO. LIKE METAL, BACON IS UNIVERSAL. EVEN IN 2260, WE KNOW THAT ALL OF THE ALIENS OF THE FEDERATION UNITE WITH HUMANS BASED ON A SHARED LOVE OF CRAZY TRAIL (OZZY!) AND BACON. THIS IS WHY THE ROMULANS WILL NEVER DEFEAT US. THE TAL SHAIR MIGHT HAVE TIME TRAVEL, BUT THEY WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THE SECRET OF BACON.

AND THIS WAS THE EPISODE THAT TAUGHT US ALL THE IMPORTANT LESSONS. VULCANS ARE JERKS. TEA POTS ARE HOT. CHARADES ARE FUN. GOD-LIKE BEINGS ARE LAME, BECAUSE THEY NAME THEMSELVES AFTER COLDPLAY SONGS. #CONSCIOUSLYUNCOUPLEDFROMBADMUSIC

ARE SPACEROSS AND SPACERACHEL TOGETHER? IS THIS FAIR TO T'PRING? T'WUT? SERIOUSLY, T'PRING IS ALL LIKE, IMA PLAY FREEBIRD FOR YOU SPOCK. AND SPOCK IS LIKE, YO, IMA FLY AWAY AND AMOK WITH CHAPEL. #MIXEDEMOTIONS #NOTSUREIFILIFTALIGHTERFORTHIS

WHAT ABOUT MOMMA SPOCK? IS SHE IN LIKE FLYNN ON THIS? MOMMA SPOCK SAW THE GOOGLY EYES SPOCK HAD FOR CHAPEL, AND LEFT SAYING THAT IT ISNT EASY TO BE A HUMAN WHO LOVES A VULCAN? IS MOMMA SPOCK ON #TEAMCHAPEL, OR IS MOMMA SPOCK JUST TIRED OF JERK VULCANS?

AND THE ENDING? ITS LIKE WHEN YOUVE BEEN WATCHING THE WHOLE CINDEREALLA CONCERT, AND THEY LEAVE THE STAGE, AND YOUVE WILLED THEM BACK ON, AND SUDDENLY YOU HEAR THE OPENING OF NOBODYS FOOL. CHILLS.

BUT AS GOOD AS THE SONG FEELS, TRUE FANS KNOW THE LYRICS. SPOCK IS NOT A FOOL. SPOCK IS NOT CHAPELS FOOL. SPOCK IS NOBODYS FOOL.


CHARADES RATING: 23 AND 3/8 EDDIE VAN HALEN GUITAR SOLOS

BRITISH PEOPLE DONT DESERVE NIRVANA! KURT GAVE THEM HIS ALL AT GLASTONBURY, AND THEY COULDNT HANDLE THE METAL!!111!!!

INSTEAD, WE JUST HAVE MEMORIES OF A BRIGHT SHINING STAR TAKEN FROM US TOO EARLY.

LIKE HEMMER. #HEMMER4LYFE


SNARFZODIACKILLER SEASON 2 REVIEW, EPISODE 6

NEWHURU IS HEARING THE SCREECHES OF SHREDDING GUITARS? COLOR ME INTRIGUED!

SOMETHING SOMETHING DEUTERIUM, SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING HALLUCINATIONS, SOMETHING SOMETHING MINING STATION, SOMETHING SOMETHING ... WAIT.

WHAT IS THIS? CAN IT BE?

HEMMER! FIRST TO DIE, FIRST IN OUR HEARTS FOREVER. NEWHURU IS NOT CRYING. UR NOT CRYING. IM NOT CRYING!!!!!!! I HAVE TO ADMIT, I MAY HAVE MISSED SOME PLOT IN THIS EPISODE, AS I SPENT THE ENTIRE TIME POURING OUT 40S FOR MY BELOVED BLIND WARRIOR ENGINEER.

WHAT ARE SPACEROSS AND SPACERACHEL UP TO? NOT ADVANCING THE PLOT.

AND THEN ... PRAISE BE TO RODENBERRY, ITS JAMES T KIRK. THE T STANDS FOR TOTALLY AWESOME. KIRK IS IN THE AREA, FARAGUTTING AROUND, AND GETS ON THE SHIP. UNFORTUNATELY, THE PRESENCE OF KIRK AND DREAMY PIKE SO CLOSE TO EACH OTHER CAUSES THE NACELLE TO EXPLODE, AS THE ENTERPRISE CANNOT HOLD ALL OF THAT AWESOME AT THE SAME TIME. YOU CANT JUST HAVE A CONCERT WITH GNR AND METALLICA AND IRON MAIDEN AND MOTORHEAD AND BLACK SABBATH AND MEGADETH AND JUDAS PRIEST AND PANTERA AND SLAYER AND TOOL AND AND SYSTEM OF A DOWN ALL PLAYING AT THE SAME TIME AS IT WOULD CREATE A SINGULARITY OF AWESOMENESS THAT WOULD DESTORY THE UNIVERSE.

NEWHURU REALIZES THE DANGER THEY ARE IN, AND ALSO KNOWS THAT INVISIBLE SPACE BEINGS THAT COMMUNICATE BY SUCKING OUT UR BRAIN OR SOMETHING ALSO CANNOT TAKE ALL OF THAT AWESOME. SO SHE ORDERS KIRK AWAY FROM PIKE FOR A DRINK WITH HER AND SPOCK IN THE NEWLY RENOVATED TEN FORWARD WITH A CHANDALIER AND A JAZZ BAND. THE JAZZ BAND SLOWS DOWN ALL THE METAL AWESOMENESS AND SAVES THE DAY.

AT THE SAME TIME, THE LACK OF OTHER EXPLOSIONS MEANS THAT THE ENTERPRISE FIRES PHOTON TORPEDOES AT THE MINING THING. MORE 'SPLOSIONS.

FINALLY, NOTSCOTTY EXPLAINS TO THE AUDIENCE THAT WE STILL MISS HEMMER, AND WE ARE TAKING OUR SWEET TIME TO GET USED TO HER WEIRD ENERGY. WE SEE A SHOT OF HEMMER SMILING, BECAUSE HEMMER KNOWS. HEMMER WILL ALWAYS AND FOREVER BE OUR ENGINEER.


LOST IN TRANSLATION RATING: 66.6 MONSTERS OF ROCK

SNARFZODIACKILLER JOHN WICK 4 REVIEW

BABA YAGA? HOW 'BOUT BABA YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA! THATS RIGHT, JOHN WICK IS BACK AND HE HAS UNFINISHED BUSINESS. AND BY UNFINISHED BUSINESS, I MEAN THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT NEED KILLIN.

WHO? I DONT KNOW AND I DONT CARE, AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU. BECAUSE THE POINT IS NOT WHO IS KILLED, BUT HOW THE KILLIN IS DONE.

EVERY JOHN WICK MOVIE IS LIKE IF THEY TOOK ALL OF MOTLEY CRUES MUSIC AND SHOT IT STRAIGHT INTO MY EYBALLZ. JOHN WICK MAKES ME BRAVE ENUFF TO GO INTO A COVID THEATER, AND I KNEW I MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE WHEN THAT ICKY THUMP STARTED BLASTING MY CHEST AT THE BEGINNING. ITS LIKE A LARS DRUM SOLO AT A METALLICA CONCERT, IF LARS DIDNT SUCK.

DID JOHN KILL PEOPLE? YES!

WITH A GUN AND NUNCHUKS AND A CAR? YOU BET!

DID HE INVITE BLIND DONNIE YEN TO HELP OUT? I DONT KNOW, I COULDN'T HEAR OVER THE SQUEES OF ZATOICHI! #FREEHEMMER

WAS THE RADIO STATION THAT PROVIDED THE SOUND TRACK OF COMPLETE MEGADETH DESTRUCTION REALLY CALLED W.U.X.I.A.? HONESTLY DIDNT NOTICE!

PERSONALLY, THOUGHT THERE WAS TOO MUCH DIALOGUE IN THIS ONE. THIS IS JOHN WICK, NOT HAMLET. WICK SPEAKS WITH HIS GUNS, NOT HIS WORDS.

ANYWAY, IM NOT ABOUT THE SPOILERS. JUST GOING TO SAY ITS LIKE WATCHING NOVEMBER RAIN AND HEARING GNR IS BREAKING UP.


IM NOT CRYING UR CRYING. SHUT UP. AND GO WATCH JOHN WICK.

I wanted to post this little remembrance of SZK. SNARFZODIACKILLER was a high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live metal to post on enworld, and too rare to die.



*According to SZK ... I WAS BANNED FROM WRITING ABOUT THE AWESOME METALNESS OF STAR TREK. SO SOMEONE NEEDS TO KEEP UP THE GOOD FIGHT. JUST LIKE JUDAS PRIEST.
I HAVE TEXT IMMODULATION DISORDER. OTHERWISE KNOWN AS LOUD TYPING. I ACQUIRED IT AT THE AGE OF FIVE WHEN I WAS TEXTING AT A RATT CONCERT. WHAT COMES AROUND GOES AROUND, DIG? IF UR LOOKING FOR THE SMALL LETTERS, IN THE WORDS OF MY MOTHER, I WILL ALWAYS BE UR BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT.


**SZK always tells me that the only thing better than the proper use of capitalization is the constant use of all-capitalization. And SZK, like SOCRATES, my UPSTAIRS NEIGHBORS, and DEREK!!! also believes that the quiet life is not worth living.

AGAIN, EDITED. TALK ABOUT ST:SNW. OR JUDAS PRIEST. OR BOTH. THE WORLD IS YOUR OYSTER.
 
Last edited:

log in or register to remove this ad





Hopefully I can make time to check out this show at some point.

This thread reminded me that it is a truism in life that the things that an artist loves best are often the things the audience loves least, and vice versa.

That's something I remind myself of while I watch Thom Yorke grimace whenever someone shouts out, "Play Creep!" This is different than my experience ... it's not so much play as you're such a ....
 


This thread reminded me that it is a truism in life that the things that an artist loves best are often the things the audience loves least, and vice versa.
There’s definitely some truth to that. I’ve seen several artists mention certain songs they wish they didn’t have to play I’ve anymore, and some don’t.

As I recall, King Missile palways plays “Detachable Penis” within the first 5 songs of their setlist, then tell the attendees who ONLY wanted to hear that song they can go home now.
 

I’m super confused about this thread. I want to comment about Strange New Worlds. I am looking forward to S3.

I recently started rewatching S1 with my youngest child. She is enjoying it too.

SNW is my favorite Trek show.
 

I’m super confused about this thread. I want to comment about Strange New Worlds. I am looking forward to S3.

I recently started rewatching S1 with my youngest child. She is enjoying it too.

SNW is my favorite Trek show.

Nothing really confusing about it. Feel free to comment! I also love SNW. IMO, it's the best Star Trek since TOS in terms of the first two seasons.

And to rebut the immediate responses- TNG was somewhere between dire and cromulent the first two seasons. DS9 was still trying to find out what it was (but IMO the first two seasons were better than TNG).

I don't think any Star Trek will beat the first two of TOS simply because that was a run of mostly stone-cold classics. The third TOS season... not so much. But SNW is mostly killer, no filler, so far.

This was just posting my couchmate's reviews of some of the episodes, plus a bonus John Wick 4 review.

I'll adjust the title so people can talk about SNW.
 

Trending content

Remove ads

Top