Lonely Gamers Anonymous (a lament)

[Shadowslayer]

Hi. My name's Trev. I'm a lonely gamer.

Not a lonely person, mind you. I have a wife I love dearly, a great circle of friends, a family that loves me and I love them back. I have a job that I like and enjoy many friendships I've made there too. And I believe it is reciprocated.

I don't fit the stereotypical "gamer" image. I bathe regularly. I don't live at my mother's. I'm not a virgin, I'm not socially inept, and I have a life. And I also believe that that particular stereotype is really a myth anyway...In all my time I've met maybe 2 guys that really fit that mold.

I had a great game group once, long ago, in my early 20s, right around the time 2e came out. But they are all scattered to the four winds now. And what I would give to revisit that for just one night!

It's not the same anymore.

I try...and try...and try to bring new folks into the game. Usually it burns hot, but quickly. People enjoy themselves for the most part, but they don't really get INTO it. I've yet to have a new player actually go out and get a PHB. We can play for 6 weeks and I still have to tell them which one's the d8 and which ones the d10. Mind you these are intelligent people...they COULD get it if they wanted to.

Finally managed to talk my wife into playing. SHe's got a friend who likes fantasy, and that friend has 2 kids that like D&D style video games, so we had a little foursome. I decided on Castles and Crusades, as its a lot easier to learn than D&D. Anyway, the one kid couldn't get into it with her Mom at the table, and even after doing a month of Wednesday nights, I'd still get from the Mrs.

"do you want to do X tonight"
"but its game night"
"oh, thats tonight? Right, I forgot"

Eventually I gave up on that too.

From time to time I've tried posting in the game shops and on the message boards. I find that most guys in the game shops have already got a group. And message board classifieds are a joke. Answered 2 threads on the Wizards boards for games right in my hometown. Got no response from one (and it was new) , and the other guy posted for D&D but really wanted to play cyberpunk. Exasperating. Talk is so cheap on the net.

I don't want to play Everquest online. I don't want to play by email. I want to create adventures on graph paper, and scribble out character sheets with a pencil. I want the heady feeling we all got descending down into the old gaming basement, with a 4x8 hunk of plywood on two sawhorses, knowing we were heading to Strahd's Castle tonight for a showdown.

Where's the magic gone?

Not looking so much for advice. Just a place to commisserate.

 

[shadow]

I know the feeling very well. Luckily, I managed to find a good group after a long time of looking. However, things weren't always as good. There was a time where I took a hiatus from gaming because I couldn't find a serious group. Even living in a college town it was hard to find serious gamers. I was competing against computer games, other social engagements, and #@%* 50 cent pitcher night at the bars (I can't believe the number of people who would rather drink themselves stupid than game). Keep looking. Don't give up hope yet.

 

[Steel_Wind]

Here's a plan:

1 - Find your old gaming group. Maybe they are as lonely as you.

2- Fantasy Grounds + Skype = Totally playable D&D online for cheap

Organize a reunion game on the Net. It's totally doable.

 

[devilbat]

Keep at it Shadowslayer. It took time, but I put together a brand new group, and all five of the players responded to ads on the net.

Put a post up here on EnWorld in the Gamers seeking Gamers section. Check to see if there is a D&D meetup in your town, place an ad of your own on the Wizards boards and at your local game store. Eventually you'll find dedicated individuals who are looking for the same type of game you are. Trust me, it worked in my case.

 

[Kristivas]

Man, this story sounds so close to home.

I'm 26 and have 2 kids, a stepson, and a wife. The wife has the job and I end up at home playing Mr. Mom. Years ago, gaming was my life. I spent every weekend and almost every summer evening playing 2e AD&D. It was glorious!

Around the time I turned 18/19, some of my friends joined the army. We got a few more people and continued to fight the good fight. Then, real life just kinda kept happening. Recently, I've stopped playing totally. When I had a few friends here last, we had a very promising campaign planned. One of them got sent to jail (don't ask), another and I had a falling out, one of them is now going to Iraq for the army. My brother is still in high school and can only really play on the weekends. I'm basically.. screwed.

I sit here most days playing World of Warcraft because of a lack of DnD when my kids aren't running me ragged. I'd love to have just one week of serious gaming again. I have adventures written that would knock the pants off my old group.

Sadly, I live in Huntington, West Virginia. It's hard to find other gamers and the ones that I have found, are into it a bit too seriously if you know what I mean (actually thinking they are wizards, and whatnot.. pretty weird).




PS.. Why in the heck do people think gamers are unwashed virgins living in their Mom's basement? In my teen years, I spent many an evening taking part in various social (legal and not-so-much) activities with friends and members of the opposite sex.

I think it's jealousy We're cool, and we have the brain power to actually realize it!

 

[TheGM]

I feel for you guys. I'll offer what I can...

For Tabletop there are several resources that are focused.

You can advertise in these forums for D20.
You can hit Dragonsfoot for older versions of the game.
You can hit K&C's boards for D20 and their games.
You can hit AccessDenied.net and do a general advert.

Run the posts/ads, ignore the idiots that answer but don't really want to play what you do.

If you enjoy the game, keep trying. I'm lucky enough to have stayed in touch with the players from each place I've lived, and they do join us for games through Skype. It works out pretty well, but the number of remote players is limited to four plus the GM's connection.

Good luck!
Don.

 

[slaunt]

I know how you feel, i have a similar problem. I would have a decent gaming group 4 to 5 players, and we had some awesome adventures. My players knew when they would run into one of my signature creations, and knew what to expect, and sometimes i would out surprise them. But sadly my group split up, and the last two players are moving away in less than a month, leaving me with only one of my dedicated players, who is a Snack Vacuum player, and just sits there, rolls dice when needed, and reading through this game book and that.
I have taken a hiatus from gaming, altho i am planning ahead on a new game set on Krynn, but developing my own continent(I have a flair for world building and using Dragonlance as a model)
But almost all my players have moved away, i got one player that shows up every couple weeks, but isnt dedicated enough to show up every week, wich is understandable since he is training to be a fire-fighter. But all my good players have moved away, one of wich was new to gaming, and became one of the best players i ever had. I was quite upset when he moved.
I dont feel dedicated to the game cause my players are not dedicate to the game. I did get some fresh blood in by recruiting one of the kids at work, and he seems to enjoy it. I know he is waiting for the game to re-start when the other two players move away. He had brought a friend who ended up being very disruptive to the game.

The problem with the area i live in, is that alot of the gamer groups are very elitist. They always hang out at my Not So FLGS, and rip on anyone who isnt part of their clique. Some of them are decent players, and one in particular is a kick ass DM and i managed to play under him for 2 years, but some of the other players in his group, were(and still are) obnoxious twits who i cant stand wich is why i stopped going.

I am trying to do a recruiting drive again at work, i know two people who are interested, and said they are willing to join my table to replace my lost players. I am hoping that they will be dedicated players, cause i dont want to invest my time and energy in players who are not dedicated to the game themselves.

Anyways, i am rambling, been up all night, and worked third shift, and i am getting tired. But i do know how you feel, and that.

Slaunt

 

[Sado]

Just a thought, those of you without gaming groups might consider adjusting your profile on this and any other game-related message boards so that your location appear under your name when you post. That way anyone reading your posts who lives in the same general area who may be interested in gaming with you will know you are out there.

 

[talien]

I had a great game group once, long ago, in my early 20s, right around the time 2e came out. But they are all scattered to the four winds now. And what I would give to revisit that for just one night!

It's not the same anymore.

I feel your pain!

I finally resolved it this way:
1) We have a group of 8 potential players and 2 DMs. It's an absolute requirement because of the exact same nonsense you experience all the time...people don't put gaming as a priority even when YOU do, so you have to build in the "someone won't bother to show up" factor.
2) We're geographically flexible. We play in Connecticut, NYC, and on Long Island. We tack gaming on to vacations, birthdays, Halloween, you name it. Then we sound the call and see who shows up. If we get four people, we game.
3) The games are self-contained. An overarching plot is fine, but the days of stopping in the middle of an adventure are over. We have about 5 or 6 hours in total, and that's it. So games start and end. Self-contained, because you never know when you'll see those people again.
4) I play maybe twice a month at most. I used to play up to 8 times a month in my high school years.
5) Finally, writing my story hour helps a lot: http://www.enworld.org/showthread.php?p=2556968#post2556968 It keeps those folks in the loop who missed the last two sessions. Everyone retains their sense of community by reading what happened and thus not falling behind in the larger plots.

 

[devilbat]

those of you without gaming groups might consider adjusting your profile on this and any other game-related message boards so that your location appear under your name when you post. That way anyone reading your posts who lives in the same general area who may be interested in gaming with you will know you are out there.

I was just thinking the exact same thing.