Magical swords that no one will make

[Crothian]

These ideas came up at tonights game. Not really the most useful of items, but we found them funny.

An intelligent feminist broad sword.

An intelligent Bastard Sword who insists that he knows exactly who created him.

An intellegent Sword that insists it was created from the remains of a plowshare.

It's late, so this may not be as funny in the morning

 

[BSF]

No, that's pretty funny to me right now. I wish I could think of something to add to the list, but my mindset is not that lighthearted right now.

 

[ph34r]

It's late, so this may not be as funny in the morning

Nah, I found them quiet humorous!

 

[Pants]

An intelligent sword that makes sexual comments whenever wielded.

"You've got sweaty palms today..."
"My crossbar needs polishing. Will you rub me down?"
"Oh yea gods, SHEATHE ME!"

 

[Wikidogre]

How about an Intelligent Great Sword that refuses to injure your target.
But will only scream and yell insults?

Funny ideas

I like the Fem broadsword idea! Tushay

 

[I'm A Banana]

Self-depreciating Greatsword.

"I'm really not that great. I'm nothing special. I mean, I take two hands, and a greataxe does as much damage -- that's something that's great, a greataxe. I mean look at that x3 crit, that's something you can call great. I've got nothing a dagger doesn't, and no one's calling them 'greatknives.'"

 

[Wikidogre]

An intelligent Kukri that has an unbeatable EGO and causes the character to violantly attack Pastries because the soul that dwells in the Kukri died a violant and bloody death because he was over weight caused by Pastries.
It calls itself the Donut Holer.

 

[Kalen_Darkstar]

a fellow gamer in one of the campaigns i am in just got a intelligent bladed whip that speaks in the ditzy valley girl voice and accent.

 

[elmuthalleth]

The human fighter in my campaign owns a intelligent sword called "Ciro" who speaks a heavy Napolitan ( from Naples , southern Italy ) accent , has the power to create food and water ( pizza & wine , really ) 3/d , and steals objects teleporting them in the fighter's backpack .
It created a iron filings pizza to escape a rust monster's attack .

It's a +2 keen longsword , anyway .

 

[Arkhandus]

An intelligent gauntlet with massive ego and horrible Charisma that keeps forcing the wearer to smack themselves and keeps taunting its wearer to "Stop hittin' yerself! Stop hittin' yerself!" (not a sword, but still....)

An intelligent Falchion of Wounding that can't stand the sight of blood, screams like a sissy whenever it sees bleeding, and faints at the sight of gore, becoming unwieldable then and sticking to the wielder's hand.....

An intelligent Sword of Subtlety that shouts "BOO!" whenever the wielder tries to sneak attack someone, ruining the sneak attack but perhaps giving someone a heart attack in the process....

An intelligent Holy Avenger that holds the soul of a former lich who reformed and now will only fight to protect children, always demanding to anyone it encounters that they must also vow to protect the children, or else it'll threaten to smite them with all the unholy powers of death and unspeakable evil unless they swear that they would go to the 666th layer of the Abyss to protect the children.....

An intelligent Nine Lives Stealer that will only devour the souls of people named Bob, forcing the wielder to attack anyone named Bob, and always asks someone new if their name is Bob.....

An intelligent Mace of Terror that constantly yips like Xena whenever it is wielded.....

Intelligent Dancing Nunchakus that boogey and rap when unleashed.....