Make up some funny quotes!

[^Graff]

"The saying 'You are what you eat' takes on a whole new meaning when you're an Ethereal Doppelganger."

 

[Agent Oracle]

"Forget about me! Defend the pie!"

 

[DarkKestral]

"Fireball doesn't make fire, does it?" -- G'rak, Troll Sorceror

"There are three things a seasoned adventurer wants to get: the loot, the girl, and out when the going's good." -- Captain Tarris of the Grennish Mercenary Corps

"Remember, first you kill things THEN you take their loot." -- Captain Tarris, of the Grennish Mercenary Corps

"This is not a mirror image." -- Anonymous gnome illusionist while casting Mirror image

"Charm spells: the mage's dating service" -- Rann, human enchanter

"Wyrms, Worms, and Wyrd: three things to avoid if you want to live to a ripe old age." (wyrd is fate, BTW)

"Never attribute to idiocy what you can attribute to an evil wizard's malice."

"No, we were supposed to go LEFT at the demiplane of Dread..."

 

[Sejs]

"Lord Octavius? He died of natural causes.. from old age.. in broad daylight.. from a crossbow bolt."


"Well, from the outside it looked like an Inn."


"Of course I know what I'm doing, it's not that complicated. You draw the protective circle like so, step inside of it, and summon the demon. That way you're safe in here and it can't get you. Simple!" -- last words of Letho Dawnmarch, Conjurer.


"You're serious? The entire reason you became a bard in the first place is so you can use Mass Suggestion to recreate broadway musicals?"


"Then we grab him and stuff 'em in Alver's magic bag. Can't fail."
"You are not turning my bag of holding into a bag of kidnapping!"


"There are very few problems that the proper application of Grease and Summoned Monsters can't solve."

 

[Nareau]

Sorcerer: Let's just burn the evil town to the ground.
Paladin: No, we must cleanse this area!
Sorcerer: <shrug> Fire cleanses.

"It wasn't until Frank jumped in that I started to think it might be a Sphere of Annihilation, not a portal to another plane."

Nareau

 

[Brimshack]

"Ah maw, Orcs again!" Bash-heit Metablang, Bored Dwarven Fighter

"We get in, we get out, nobody gets hurt." Group Strategist

"Okay, some of you go over there!" Decisive Group Strategist

 

[Aeric]

"I have this spell, called Air Walk? It lets you walk on air."

"He must have written this before he died."

 

[Aeric]

"It wasn't until Frank jumped in that I started to think it might be a Sphere of Annihilation, not a portal to another plane."

I'm glad mine wasn't the only group to have made this mistake. Took three of us to touch it before the fourth one said, "ookaaay, maybe that's not such a good idea."

 

[Keith Robinson]

"It's okay, I can drop the wall of fire as soon as I stop concentrating" says the wizard firmly (without due reference to the PHB).

14 rounds later...

"But I thought you said you were immune to fire" says the wizard to the lifeless body of the favored soul, after finishing him off in said wall of fire.

 

[mythusmage]

"When all you've got is Fireball, everything starts to look like a pile of lumber."

"An ogre is an imbecile. The idiot is the fool who tries to scam one."

"Wizards have a tendency to die in midflight because they forget that Polymorph Self has a time limit."

"Shapechange does give you a dragon's breath weapon, but it doesn't teach you what to do should you aspirate."

"Gnomes aint nuttin' but cute kobolds."

"If you were married to a female orc you'd be ill-tempered too."

"It's true that a wizard can open a door with a spell, but a thief can us his lockpicks more than once or twice a day."