Memorable Phrases uttered by PCs

[Ry]

I have one that's gold, although it's somewhat meta.

Party of 4 characters, essentially a strong guy, a tough guy, a determined guy, and a smart guy (Maccai). Maccai had frequently made awesome rolls to notice small details that amounted to hints for how to proceed, or realized something about a situation before anyone else did.

The party was in a complex situation where a bunch of underpaid and underfed mercenaries are about to riot, and they have multiple reasons not to want that (an incoming army being one of the big ones). There wasn't enough food, there wasn't enough supplies, and there was basically no command structure. I turn to the players and say "So what do you do?"

The players put their heads together (literally - they basically went into a huddle). A minute later I said "Guys?"

The response: "We're working on Maccai's brilliant idea. Hold on."

When the enemy arrived, they were ready.

 

[STARP_Social_Officer]

There are too many to list. My favourites:

The party's wizard gets annoyed for some reason by the half-dragon. Her response:
"Shut up, or I'll wear your skin as armour and get magic powers."
We all think that's a great line for any occasion.

Having killed a giant, the party wander away. The bard, however, grabs the giant's sack and hauls it off after them. When he catches up, he opens up the sack to divvy up the booty. It contains mostly lumps of coal, plus throwing rocks, a smelly blanket and a flask of oil.
The half-dragon says "All hail, the mighty treasure hunter."

The fighter: "Mind flayers?!"
The rogue: "Relax. You're quite safe."

"Dude, there's a giant dragon chasing us!"
"Oh, that's only a minor detail."

When planning to break into a maximum-security military prison to rescue a colleague:
"The first thing we'll need is a Hummer."

 

[Ankh-Morpork Guard]

One thing that's always stuck in my mind was from a Star Wars game. It was set during the Vong war and the players had nabbed a shuttle and were escaping a planet that was in the process of being invaded, so they had a ton of fighters on their tail as they were trying to get to hyperspace.

The player who was piloting the ship and the one operating the guns had a series of wonderful exchanges. My favourite was:
-Pilot: "Shouldn't you be shooting things?!"
-Gunner: "I'm trying! If you'd fly straight I might be able to hit something!"
-Pilot: "If I fly straight, they'll hit something!"

 

[Theron]

Our wounded Paladin:

"I touch myself and think about my god until I feel better."

 

[AdmundfortGeographer]

It seems pretty lame afterwards, but we all had gales of laughter at the time. I always had a difficult time playing rogues but I decided I'd give it a go with a PC halfling rogue. I had excess of skill points partly because we had another PC who had roguish skills covered, so I was able to add some color by building her as an expert innkeeper with max ranks in Profession (innkeeper).

We we getting into the mid levels and I was having fun playing up her mastery of all things innkeeping by now. She always answered to "the keeper". We were in some dungeon delve with a plot involving some "keyholder" and a "gatekeeper".

We got to the penultimate encounter with "the keyholder" who, hoping we were the gatekeeper subsequently asked of us, "are you the keeper?"

I cheerily chimed in, not having a whit of an idea what more I'd say afterwards, "Why YES I am! Oh wait, you meant the gatekeeper? Sorry, wrong person, we're always getting each other confused."

 

[STARP_Social_Officer]

-Pilot: "Shouldn't you be shooting things?!"
-Gunner: "I'm trying! If you'd fly straight I might be able to hit something!"
-Pilot: "If I fly straight, they'll hit something!"

I am so stealing that.

 

[Aeric]

"He probably wrote this before he died." (uttered with a straight face by the rogue upon encountering a note clutched in the hand of a long-dead king.);

"Don't! Touch! Anything!" (said by a fighter to the rest of the party just moments before he touched some drow statuette that activated a trap.);

"We don't want any trouble!" (said by a Rifts character of mine preceeding a firefight with a local gang. The GM made us declare our actions before rolling initiative; I went last in the round. Everyone else opened fire.)

"I WANT THOSE! What do they do?" (shouted enthusiastically by a new player upon finding--among other things--a pair of spiked gauntlets.)

"What does a keyring do?" (asked in all seriousness by another new player while divvying up the loot...I suppose she thought it was a magic ring that opened doors or something.)

"I have this spell, called Air Walk? It lets you walk on air."

 

[blargney the second]

When planning to break into a maximum-security military prison to rescue a colleague:
"The first thing we'll need is a Hummer."

All the best plans start with a Hummer.

Our group was in a particularly dodgy area of the city, and had actually managed to find the hobgoblin informant we needed. After talking with her, we wanted to leave the district ASAP.
Player 1: "Let's get the hell out of Dodge."
Player 2: "... at an inconspicuous rate."
-blarg

 

[Phlebas]

My campaigns set in a city dominated by the magic guild - more like Unseen University than anything too scary though

Anyhow the party run up against a Calzone Golem (for the third time) sneaking through the guild cellars, and the wizard decided to do some Gather Information to try and find who was responsible. He got the name and i threw in the rumour of a Chocolate Souffle Ooze in the deeper levels....

DM: "the rumours suggest its a little dangerous...."

Wizard:"Its probably got DR10/spoon"

DM: <cue helpless laughter>

OOC, but perfect timing

 

[Man in the Funny Hat]

I can run faster scared than you can angry.
I'm fixing my disease.
I'll pull out a spell.
Take ten saving throws.
I didn't hack him down - I beat him up and he died.
I'm going down to the beak, looking in it and making sure it's not a ballista.
Dead corpses fly everywhere.
I will totally seperate him all over the place.
We won't realize what we know.
Elvis' dying brought him back to life.
I don't want this stupid Rod of Consolation.
I'm looking at him with my eyes.
We'll make vines out of the foliage.
You see an immobile statue.
See this guy? He's invisible.
I foof away, jump on my horse, and Voom!
You can see a long way, forever and ever at least.
Space is cold this time of year.

I come to and read the brick.


That's merely a TINY sample. We started writing down stupid things people said at our gaming sessions almost at the start - some 30 years ago. I've got 30 years of these things saved up, including the initials of those who said them. The single-spaced Word doc runs 12 pages.