More D&D song parodies

[Dr Midnight]

I lost track of the other thread from a few weeks back. Oh well.

-----------------

A.C.'s high
To the tune of Iron Maiden's ACES HIGH

There goes the whining, that sets all his nerves frayed
Then the DM, he begins to fight back.
Out of the darkness, there lumber some large orcs
Got to grab dice for the coming attack.

Jump into battle and roll initiative
Put down the spellbook, there's no time for haste
Gather d6's for fireball: the fun way
to set orcs aflame and send them to their fates

Casting, hacking, frying
Rolling, waffling, sighing, can I roll again?
Roll, roll to hit, try to crit, throw that die
Roll, got nineteen, doesn't hit, A.C.'s high

Move in to fire at the half-drow asassins
Let off some arrows and then run away
Take a five foot step, spin round, go and flank them
Strike when they move then to Pelor you'll pray

Kobolds at 8 O'clock charge in behind us
Ten ogre mages come out of their cave
Turn and then shoot magic missiles to blast them
Heading straight for them I swing with my glaive

Casting, hacking, frying
Rolling, botching, dying, can I roll again?
Roll, roll to hit, try to crit, throw that die
Roll, got nineteen, doesn't hit, A.C.'s high

 

[Deedlit]

Note:If anyone knows somewhere I can find lyrics to far over the misty mountains cold, I have a song parody planned for that too.

Now, as for my best work, kender paradise.


As I walk through the dungeon, drive my party insane
I take a look at my life and realize it’s never plain
But that’s just perfect for a kender like me
You know we shun boring things, like staying put you see
At 6:30 in the morning I’m taunting drow
My party says it’s dangerous, get back right now
And I’ve been adventuring and taunting so long
That even Fizban wonders where my mind has gone
I’m a kender of adventure, jumping off cliffs to win
I’ve got your items in my hand, most annoying race on Krynn
And if we end the dragon’s life before the party ends mine
Then yeah, we’re gonna party like it’s SC 39



The party dwarf killed himself with a knife
Living in a kender paradise
I borrowed the mage’s spellbook, he hit me with ice
Living in a kender paradise
I told the red dragon he should be more nice
Living in a kender paradise
He breathed some fire, barely escaped with my life
Living in a kender paradise



A human rogue almost stepped on me last week
I just smiled at him, he lost his stolen goods, that freak
I really don’t care, in fact I wish him well
Though when he dies, he’ll go to the abyss (Worse then hell)
I befriend gully dwarves, though most think they are worthless
A kender who is mean, you know that’s unheard of
I never use a longsword, only a hoopak.
And some say I’m a thief, though I’m not really like that
If you come to visit, you’ll be confused to tears
We haven’t had two mayors of the same race in 100 years
But we are really nice, though we give most a scare
Though most of our stories are truth-impaired
There’s no structure, no laws, and a really good bar
We don’t consider fun a luxury
Like a tower of High Sorcery
As interesting as could be



The party dwarf killed himself with a knife
Living in a kender paradise
Of course, plain and boring will never suffice
Living in a kender paradise
Kender tales tell of legendary fights
Living in a kender paradise
Driving everyone insane, even the mice
Living in a kender paradise



Saving all of Krynn, Not like Tanis’s mind in the gutter
We’ve stopped one evil deity, soon we’ll stop another
You think we’re all monsters, but we’re pure of heart
Banned by some DMs, playing us is an art
Trapspringer is the kender we all want to be like
Having fun day and night, with no fear of the afterlife
When it comes to death, unlike others we’re not whiny
And if you are a thief we’ll get third age on your hiney



The party dwarf killed himself with a knife
Living in a kender paradise
Some say we’re crazy, but we’re really nice
Living in a kender paradise
We’ve been called abominations against the gods of light
Living in a kender paradise
And you’d go insane, and accuse us of heists
Living in a kender paradise

 

[Knightcrawler]

Ummm. Do you mean the Led Zepplin song or the song from the Hobbit that the dwarves sing.

You should also look up the old Bard On The Run from Dragon magazines of a while back.

 

[Deedlit]

The song that the dwarves sing.

 

[Knightcrawler]

Far over the misty mountains cold
To dungeons deep and caverns old
We must away ere break of day
To seek the pale enchanted gold.

The dwarves of yore made mighty spells,
While hammers fell like ringing bells
In places deep, where dark things sleep,
In hallow halls beneath the fells.

For ancient king and elvish lord
There many a gleaming golden hoard
They shaped and wrought, and light they caught
To hide in gems on hilt of sword.

On silver necklaces they strung
The flowering stars, on crowns they hung
The dragon-fire, in twisted wire
They meshed the light of moon and sun.

Far over the misty mountains cold
To dungeons deep and caverns old
We must away, ere break of day,
To claim our long-forgotten gold.

Goblets they carved there for themselves
And harps of gold; where no man delves
There lay they long, and many a song
Was sung unheard by men or elves.

The pines were roaring on the heights,
The winds were moaning in the night.
The fire was red, it flaming spread;
The trees like torches blazed with light.

The bells were ringing in the dale
And men looked up with faces pale;
Then dragon's ire more fierce than fire
Laid low their towers and houses frail.

The mountain smoked beneath the moon;
The dwarves, they heard the tramp of doom
They fled their halls to dying fall
Beneath his feet, beneath the moon

Far over the misty mountains grim
To dungeons deep and caverns dim
We must away, ere break of day,
To win our harps and gold from him

 

[Deedlit]

Thanks. (Gets to work on Lodoss-based parody of it.)

 

[Knightcrawler]

(A parody of 'Gangsta's Paradise', with apologies to Coolio)

As I walk through the mountain where I follow my thane
I take a look at my wife, and realize her beard's very plain
But that's just perfect for a Dwarvish like me
You know I shun fancy things, like sorcery.

At 4:30 in the morning I'm mining stones
Jonas Steelforge mends the weapons
And Thorin groans...Fool!
And I've been groaning and stoning so long that
Even Obsidian thinks that me mind be gone.

I'm a Dwarf of the stones, I'm into discipline.
Got a hammer in me hand and a beard on me chin.
But if I finish my deeds and you finish the mine,
Then tonight we're going to party like its P.C. 99.

We be spending most our lives
Living in a Dwarvish Paradise.
Bashed Goblins once or twice
Living in a Dwarvish Paradise.
It's hard work and sacrifice
Living in a Dwarvish Paradise.
We sell gems at discount price
Living in a Dwarvish Paradise.

A Kender boy picked all of me pockets last week.
I just scowled at him, and pushed him in a creek.
I really don't care. Too bad it's not a well.
And I'll be laughing my head off when he's rotting in jail.
But I ain't never punched a wizard, even if he deserved it.
A Dwarvish with a 'tude, you know that's unheard of.
I always wear armor, and I've got a cool flail,
And me homies agree,
I really look good in scale...Fool!

If you come to visit, we be drinkin' beers.
We haven't had a sip of water in over 300 years.
But we ain't really saints,
So please don't point and stare.
We're just sociologically impaired.

There's no Gnomes, no Elves, no Minotaurs.
Not a hint of sorcery.
Like Kharas with his Hammer
We're as honorable as can be.

We be spending most our lives
Living in a Dwarvish Paradise.
We're just short and stubby guys
Living in a Dwarvish Paradise.
Giving out some bad advice
Living in a Dwarvish Paradise.
We like to fight, we don't play nice
Living in a Dwarvish Paradise.

Mining out the mountain, polished my gem cutter.
Raised a fort on Monday, soon I'll raise anutter.
Think you're really grumpy,
Mining with your cart?
Well I know I'm a million times
As stubborn as thou art.

I'm the stocky guy all the Gullies want to be like
In the caves day and night
Killin' Goblins with a butter knife.
So grab some gems, and make them shiny,
Or else my clansman I might have to get medieval on your heinie!

We be spending most our lives
Living in a Dwarvish Paradise.
We were made by rolling dice
Living in a Dwarvish Paradise.
Dwarf spirits are our vice
Living in a Dwarvish Paradise.
But you'd probably think it bites
Living in a Dwarvish Paradise.

 

[reapersaurus]

thought i'd add another...

Munchkin Paradise
(Sung to Gangsta's Paradise by Coolio, new words by Brian 'Cevalic' Ostermeyer)

As I walk through the valley filled with vampric dragons
I take a look at my inventory and pulled out plus ten flagons
Cause I've been hacking and slaying so long
Even my DM forgets that I learned the rules wrong.
But I ain't never got an item that was too out of line.
My character's treated like a king, a PC ahead of his time.
Gods be watchin what they sayin when they hear that I'm playin.
I really hate to brag but I killed Tiamat --
I did it bare handed cause she made me mad, fool.
I'm the kinda PC every gamer wanna be like,
On my throne in the night
A king with godly might.

Chorus:
We've been spending most our time
Gaming in a munchkin paradise.
Rolled for godhood once or twice,
Gaming in a munchking paradise.
We've been spending most our time
Gaming in a munchkin paradise.
Rolled for godhood once or twice,
Gaming in a munchkin paradise.

Forget the situation, DM got me facin --
I can't play when magic lacks, I was raised on artifacts.
So I gotta find a DM down with me;
I let my brother DM even though he's three.
I'm above the average gamer with gold on my mind.
Got a crossbow in my hand, slaying bolts plus nine.
I'm a pumped up power gamer, just a little tweaked
And my followers are down, even if they're freaks, fool.
Death ain't never gonna touch my PC --
Soon I'll kill Vecna, then you'll all see.
I'm a demi-god now, but will I live to be a diety?
The way things is goin it's for sure.

Tell me why are you - so mad at me?
Cause my guy's a god? - you hate me?

Chorus

Gold and the magic, magic and the gold,
Pile after pile, load after load.
Everybody's bowing, but none of them ain't seein
My ultra master plan, to destory all the heathens.
They say I got to quit, but nobody's gonna change me.
If they can't play with power, how can they game with me?
I guess they can't, I guess they won't,
I guess they leave; that's why I know my game is just solo...

Chorus

 

[Ranger REG]

You know, as much as I like the music provided by Coolio's "Gansta Paradise," let's try and mix it up a little with a different music. Okay?

 

[Deedlit]

And now, an old dwarvish favorite adapted to Lodoss

Far into the flaming mountain old
Through ancient lairs deep filled with gold
They went away ere break of day
To seek the specter of sorcery untold

For hearing Shooting Star’s loud yells,
While villages burn like all nine hells
In places deep, where dark things sleep,
When Kashue fought Emperor Beld

For Marmo king and elvish lord
There many battles, as dragons roared
To death they fought, and arrow shot
And Kashue slew him, swinging his sword

As new heroes traversed on dragon-dung
A deadly swordfight, as Ashram sprung
The dragon-fire, the sleeping ire
But he woke up, and a new fight begun

Far into the flaming mountain old
Through ancient lairs deep filled with gold
They went away ere break of day
As shooting star’s breath was hot, not cold


To gain the specter for themselves
An alliance was made, where few men dwell
As the dragon was strong, and did much wrong.
The battle joined in by men and elves.


The dragon roaring in the fight,
Swords against scale, a clank at night.
The lava was red, dragon flames spread
And came the spell, an elf of light.

The quake soon made the ground derail
As heroes looked up, their faces pale;
The lava’s fire, the trouble dire
Shooting Star tried to swim, he failed

Kashue and Ashram caused more wounds;
The specter knocked off, to it’s doom
And Ashram’s call, his dying fall
But many died, beneath the moon.

Far into the flaming mountain dim
Through ancient lairs deep filled with grim
They went away ere break of day
As heroes died, to defeat him.