My DM'ing has gotten worse over the years, not better

[Ulrick]

Kzach: Do you ever think your problem might be with your players?


It sounds like you are studying to be a great DM. But sometimes all of that advice online and it books falls short to players who are just game-wreckers. It only takes a couple in a group to cause things to fall apart before the other player start seeking other things to do. This people do slip under the radar, especially if you don't have a well-established pool of players to draw from. However, players can also be the best form of feedback you can have as a DM. Advice outside the gaming group doesn't matter if the player's don't like what you are doing.

I've been DMing for an almost straight 22 years. And I've had maybe a half dozen campaigns last more than six months. If they make it that far, then they last about a year to a year and a half. I used to run my games with an indefinite ending, but now I schedule year-long "campaign/story arcs."

Yes, Real Life often intervenes. About half of these failed campaigns I've personally folded because I couldn't stand most the players. And most of them couldn't have done time management and proper if it would save their lives (when you commit to a campaign, be there at least 75% of the time). And I've left campaigns where the other players got annoying and the DM wouldn't do anything ("Yeah, sorry, but my Sunday afternoons just go full.")

My suggestion: Listen to your players, and you'll see what the real problem is.

 

[the Jester]

Kzach- A lot of your posts give me the impression you overthink it sometimes. I know this sounds facetious, but it's not- maybe try drinking a little while you dm to help you loosen up. (Not enough to get sloppy- unless your dming improves when you are sloppy- but enough to get loose.)

 

[Kzach]

Kzach: Do you ever think your problem might be with your players?

Well, putting together random groups of people has always been the primary problem. Try as I might, finding a group that doesn't have personality conflicts and the same gaming preferences is really difficult. But at the end of the day, the problems with the groups I put together are highly varied. Sometimes it's my fault, sometimes it's a particular person's fault, sometimes it's just not working, other times some life instance comes up, etc.

I've moved a lot during my life (averaging six months to a place) and about fifteen years ago I gave up... let's just say a lifestyle that was not conducive to long-term health and well-being In so doing, I also gave up my 99% of my social network. I had to reinvent myself and, quite frankly, discover who the hell I was in the first place. Point being is that I didn't have a group of long-term friends to game with so I have always had to find new players.

 

[Mournblade94]

I spy on you occasionally on epic words to see what you are up too. Your campaigns are excellent, and I actually find it surprising you cannot keep a group together.

If you never had a problem with spontaniety than why plan? Keep doing what you are doing. You have good campaigns, so you should keep on DMing.

 

[Waylander the Slayer]

Flow is key, and most people have a pretty intuitive grasp of how to engage their group (description, spontaneity, tone of voice, whatever).It's easy to loose yourself in rules minutae when the upthrust is that it doesn't matter too much.

Well said. It's important to have a fair idea of the rules and plots, but much more important to be able to guage what's going on at the table. If you can grasp the latter, everything else becomes intuitive and easy.

 

[Holy Bovine]

I'm not sure exactly what point I'm trying to make here, only that sometimes it can take a long time for us to realise that we've lost our way. My strength as a DM is spontaneity. Coming up with plots, characters, scenarios, magical items and story in the moment, with no preparation whatsoever. The more I prepare, the less my games seem to flow, and the less people seem to enjoy them. People get a buzz when I give them some awesome description of a magical item that does some funky thing in some really cool way. They feel special and they envisage their character as gaining something really valuable. Writing that down on a piece of card with some stats on it, simply isn't the same. Who cares if the item is balanced or not for their level? If it shoots exploding puppies and everyone gets a thrill out of it and walks away from the game with a smile on their face, then that's all that matters.

Boy - can I ever empathize with this. About two years ago I did give up on DMing. A combination of irritating players, boredom and the sinking feeling like I was going to work every Friday & Sunday lead me to stop DMing cold. I do think you have hit on the core of your problem - giving up spontaneity. I know it is never as simple as a single thing to cause problems like this but I would suggest, for your next session, to do no prep work whatsoever. I would say go so far as to not even think much about the upcoming game and see if you can't 'jump start' the creative DM juices again. I'd really like to know if this works then maybe I'll be confident enough to try it myself!

 

[S'mon]

Kzach- A lot of your posts give me the impression you overthink it sometimes. I know this sounds facetious, but it's not- maybe try drinking a little while you dm to help you loosen up. (Not enough to get sloppy- unless your dming improves when you are sloppy- but enough to get loose.)

The right amount of beer is definitely a useful DMing aid.

 

[NewJeffCT]

Kzach: Do you ever think your problem might be with your players?

It sounds like you are studying to be a great DM. But sometimes all of that advice online and it books falls short to players who are just game-wreckers. It only takes a couple in a group to cause things to fall apart before the other player start seeking other things to do.

Speaking of unreliable/game wrecking players and real-life intervening, I have a funny story from several years back.

The DM of my old group was a fantastic DM - far better than I could ever hope to be. He ran a very tight ship, but also preferred to DM for a large group of 8 or more players. Surprisingly, he handled large groups extremely well.

However, he's had health issues over the years and had trouble walking at the time, so games basically had to be at his house.

We were attempting to start a new campaign and had all agreed to be at his place at X o'clock on a Saturday or Sunday. The time arrives and I get there, as do two other guys and the DM's brother. However, the other four people that were supposed to be there were no shows... no calls, no emails, nothing.

The DM guy said, "Jeff (me) and Ken, you're both married. John (DM's brother) and I both have long-term girlfriends... it's amazing that the guys who have actually, you know, gotten (euphemism for having sex) are the ones that are here on time and ready to game." The stereotypical pasty-faced basement dwelling gamers with no social lives were the ones who didn't show up and didn't bother calling.

Sometimes it is the players.

 

[[OMENRPG]Ben]

I believe a large part of what DMs strive for is that sensation of awe-inspiring control of a believable world. If the players are so immersed and so moved by your words and by your creation as a DM, you can feel a glorious intrinsic reward. That level of trust and that level of commitment to something that is very personal (for the group as a whole but more specifically to the DM) can bring about a level of unparalleled camaraderie.

Unfortunately for most of us, that level of trust, commitment, intimacy, and involvement with our gaming group hits its peak early on in our "career" as DMs. I can remember specifically my first very serious and dedicated game became my most memorable as the DM and for my players. Later on over the years, new games with the same players, even set in the same world (with the same DM: me) were never able to reach that level of involvement expressed by the players in that game.

And as such, my DMing confidence faded away. Faded so far in fact, that my level of "skill" (read: commitment) in DMing has deteriorated to a paltry shade of what it was during my peak. I think that game took a lot out of me as a person and as a DM, and I have come to accept the very high chance that I will never have all of the variables line up so perfectly again. Having three days a week to play eight hour sessions, unperturbed by wives and careers and kids, is something that will definitely never happen again.

And so, what I really think is bothering you Kzach is that you have experienced that one glorious game, you have reached a point in your "career" where you were at your best, with the best players and the utmost confidence in yourself, with the best circumstances to play and the freshest ideas on how to play the game. By no means am I saying you will never reach to that level again, but I would suggest only to find what enjoyment and reward you can from the games that you do participate in now, as opposed to trying to attain that one glorious feeling of ultimate control and adoration of your players in games past.

Perhaps play a game that is more immediately rewarding and more dependent upon the DM to improvise and be creative? I would recommend Dread, it's fun, inexpensive, easy to master, and can effectively be played in a one-shot format.

 

[Bleys Icefalcon]

I can feel the pain of the op. I, too, have been called the DM of Legend. People would flock, from near or far to be in one of my games. Like you, I have DMed for various groups, that have come and gone, over the course of the last (gasp) 35 years or so. And like you it seems I peaked early. And like you, it looks like I've lost some of my touch.

How I lost that touch is somewhat opposite, though - back in the day I would take the time to seriously prep for my campaigns. WIth tons of painstaking detail. Of course we are talking pre-internet, pre-high definition television, pre-two teenage children and all of their needs and hobbies and extra-cirricular activities. The last few years I am lucky if I have 5 minutes to prep with everything else that's going on. Now I run most games by the seat of my pants, and while I am good at the impromptu, and being omprovizational overall, my players can see when I am doing it - and while generally we have fun, it does take away from the game when I am at a loss for an NPC name and croak out Hank the Sorcerer. We only game 1 day every two weeks, and it tends to run from around 2 PM until ??? - towards the end, I admit, I get exhausted from winging it all day, and I start making mistakes and forgetting key things. It's actually hurting my game and taking away from the enjoyment of the game by my players.

I "liked" being the DM of Legend... that is until Bill, who played Daphon the Dragonrider from back in the day came our way from the other end of the country to spend a week in our neck of the woods, and - as luck would have it - we had a game that weekend. After the game which involved much laughter, the slaughter of the Fell Knight Ironlung, and the transformation of the Halfling Rogue Rickkets into a Ferret, we all shook hands, slapped backs and went our way - except for Bill who played Daphon the Dragonrider from back in the day.

Bill '"Uhh, what was that?"

Me "What was what?"

Bill "Dude, you dragged us around all damn night with invisible chains hooked up to our noserings!"

Me "Wha?"

Bill "I don't know what happenned to you dude, but that was a game - you made every damn decision for us, and pretty much forced our hand in going only one way when we could make a choice"

Me "Oh... yeah, I guess I sort of did try to drive the story along"

Bill "Sort of? You shoved it down our throats. What I loved about your games was you would present us with a scenario, and you'd leave it up to use what we did. Tonight seemed like a crappy TSR module."

Me "Hey come on, you gotta admit, Rickkets getting runed into a Sentient Ferret was pretty cool."

Bill "You've lost your way. When you remember how to DM, invite me again - until then, I'll pass"

Lengendary Status: Revoked

And Bill, who played Daphon the Dragonrider from back in the day flew back to San Diego.

And like the op - I am not 100% sure I am committed to rectify my mistakes. Perhaps it's time to let someone else take the reigns in our campaign, perhaps it's time to step away and find something else to do with my time. I don't know.