rogue = isaiah mustafa (the guy from the old spice commercials): he's suave and confident. athletic enough to be able to do all the acrobatic and exhausting things that a good rogue has to do.
fighter = vin diesel: he has the size and the physicality to pass for a fighter. his love for the game will help make it actually happen. you all know he has to be in it, so why fight it.
wizard = adrien brody: just look at him. lean and with a nose that belongs in a book. but him in a robe and he's picture perfect wizard. also, he seems to be in everything else, so why not.
cleric = keri russell: she'll be amazingly hot in a suit of plate swinging a mace.
the movie would open at night, with a grappling hook landing on the roof of a keep. several seconds later, the rogue's eye creeps over the edge. he hops over the crenelations, which attracts the attention of two guards throwing dice on a corner of the roof. he quickly dispatches them, picks up the dice.
rogue: not your lucky day.
next, a lone guard stands properly at attention at a door. the dice clatter at his feet. he harumphs and bends down to pick up the dice,
guard: i told you i'm not playing, the gods only know why the captian puts up with you two and your...
and then a swordblade touches his throat. the rogue puts a finger to his lips and walks the guard over to the door. he takes the guards keys, opens the door and leads the guard through it. on the other side, he relocks the door and pockets the keys, then smartly raps the guard with the pommel of his shortsword.
a few more shots of guards getting taken out leads to a quick fencing match with one particualarly competent guard. as the rogue dispatches him, he kicks the wooden peg that holds the drawbridge in it's upright position. as the wheel spins and the drawbridge drops, the rogue steps around the edge of the gateway, arms spread, "tada".
a quick cut and the rogue stands in the same position, but without his rapier in hand, the keep is in the background. "and that's how i'll get us into the keep."
three-shot of the others as they confer that it seems like a reasonable plan, they all agree and turn back to tell the rogue to go ahead, but he's already gone. camera pans to show him by the wall of the keep, throwing his grappling hook. the camera cuts back to others as they stroll towards the keep.
wizard: could one of you remind me why we travel with him? he's arrogant, erratic, verbose...
cleric: and quite possibly sociopathic.
wizard: that, too. everytime we try to pass through a town, he either starts riots, spreads audacious lies about our accopmlishments, or beds some local noblemans wife or daughter. the duke of wentley would have had us all hung if we hadn't just saved his castle from those orcs. by the gods, he's...
fighter: good. that's why we keep him around. he's never let us down. he's saved all of us as often as we've saved him. we work as a team, and we're stronger than the sum of our parts.
cleric: but he's narcisistic, he's irrational. remember when he convinced those kobolds that he was their god returned to them? he once said that someday he'd like to steal st. cuthberts divinity so i would kneel and pray to him.
fighter: and you blushed prettily then like you are now. he's probably the only one that hasn't figured out that your heart flutters when he speaks to you.
wizard: (to the fighter) he has, but he expects that from every woman he talks to, and doesn't notice that her heart flutters with intent. (to the cleric) whatever you do, don't make an honest man out of him, or we'll have no more need of him in our troupe.
cleric: (trying not to smile) for the record, i hate all three of you.
voice off screen: halt!
they've made it to the gate of the keep. two guards flank the drawbridge. the fighter waves back his companions and approaches them, the others sit on their packs across the dirt road that passes the front of the keep.
fighter: greetings, good sirs. i can see from your tabards that you are duke wentley's men, so i assume that you know who we are and have been assigned to impede our passage. if this is the case, just give me a moment to explain our task and i'm sure...
the guards draw their swords.
fighter: ...we can convince you that this isn't going to work out the way i'd hoped, is it?
he draws his sword and bats them both aside pretty easily. while they recover he buckles on his shield. by now he's backed himself up to the drawbridge. hey look about nervously, expecting the other two to be flanking them, but they still sit casually across the way. the cleric smiles and waggles her fingers at them. they recover from their confusion and attack the fighter, who is still talking to them, trying to reason with them, trying not to kill them if he can avoid it. this goes on long enough for him to look sufficiently bada$$, and then a thud can be heard from the other side of the drawbridge. the fighter quickly moves left, and as an afterthought, bashes the guards the other way, just in time for the drawbridge to come crashing down. the rogue steps around the corner and strikes his pose, this time with a turkey drumstick in his hand.
rogue: the drawbridge guard was having diner.
the others stare at him.
rogue: tada?
roll opening credits
