Neat GM advice on Female Gamers:

[ProfessorCirno]

I won't go into this though. I don't want to come off like a pompous jerk (oh, too late). My opinion towards this type of issue is much more than just a guy gaming with a girl. It's more about guys needing to man-up and stop acting stupid. I mean, my brother referred to his wife recently as "the boss". What the hell ever happened to being the 'man of the house'? It goes hand-in-hand with things like guys being so overly sensitive about topics discussed on the boards & needing to be babysat by moderators. I'm sure the gamer girls are saying to themselves that there isn't enough gamer men in the hobby.

This attitude that you want is why women don't go into roleplaying. It's what leads to men talking down their nose at "the girls" who decide to join in their "men's game." It's what leads to statements like "Well women aren't very good and they hate killing and only like to play dress up and talk to villagers."

Here's an idea - we drop the false machismo, we drop the dumb and horrible social perceptions on what is considered "manly," and we just sit down with others and enjoy a game.

 

[Oryan77]

Dude - you are a Triceratops

I'm not sure if that's a compliment or an insult. But either way, you're calling me a beast, and I'm ok with that!

 

[DumbPaladin]

Our group is currently a male DM (who has no problem with players of either gender), 4 female players, and 2 male players. One of the women plays a male character. Both men play male characters. It's never been a problem at all, and in fact, we are all kind of tickled pink that we're actually a 50%+ female D&D group. It seems like a rarity ... and it feels nice to change that.

My prior D&D experience was in a group consisting entirely of gay men ... so I don't think I've ever had the "typical" D&D group experience ...

 

[Oryan77]

This attitude that you want is why women don't go into roleplaying. It's what leads to men talking down their nose at "the girls" who decide to join in their "men's game." It's what leads to statements like "Well women aren't very good and they hate killing and only like to play dress up and talk to villagers."

Here's an idea - we drop the false machismo, we drop the dumb and horrible social perceptions on what is considered "manly," and we just sit down with others and enjoy a game.

"Machismo"? The "attitude" I want? You mean, treating "players" with respect & catering to the individual rather than catering to their sex? That's the attitude I want. What I don't want is some dude acting like a nervous wreck for no reason other than that he's sitting next to a female. All that does is add to the negative stereotype of D&D players.

Look, I understand you want to look like a bigshot right now (you gonna go whine on the asshat thread now)? But before you try to take the higher road and put me in my place, you're completely 100% missing my point.

Mod Edit: Folks, right above we have a prime example of "dragging around inter-board drama". Don't do it. It gets you booted from threads. ~Umbran

When did I say that men have to be macho (or maybe chauvinist) towards women? When did I ever even hint at it being a "mans game"? This is the kind of attitude I'm talking about. People get butthurt because they see someone say a term like "man-up" instead of reading the meaning behind what is being said. I said that men should start "maning up" and stop acting like women are this mystical creature that needs to be handled with care when playing D&D. If you disagree and think men should act like buffoons just cause a woman is around, well then, whatever. Women don't want to be treated like a spotted zebra. They just want to play D&D. And like you said, we should just sit down with them and enjoy the game. I think you're barking up the wrong tree man.

 

[(Psi)SeveredHead]

I'm in a mostly-male group. We have a new female player and know two other women who might be interested.

It helps that the current female player likes playing bloodthirsty PCs, though. While aggression is definitely not male-only, it does have some kind of bias to it. I suspect it's one reason it's hard for some groups to add a female gamer (to the point they don't even try).

 

[Dausuul]

I'm in a mostly-male group. We have a new female player and know two other women who might be interested.

It helps that the current female player likes playing bloodthirsty PCs, though. While aggression is definitely not male-only, it does have some kind of bias to it. I suspect it's one reason it's hard for some groups to add a female gamer (to the point they don't even try).

My group just added its first female member*. She too is a gamer of the enough-messing-around-with-the-mysterious-runes-let's-KILL-something-already school.

My experience has been that this is a very popular school of thought among female gamers as well as male; although I haven't done a careful study, I'd say the level of bloodthirst is about the same across both sexes. Certainly I would not adjust the violence down simply because a woman joined the group.

[size=-2]*Well, we had one other one, but that only lasted a couple sessions. She and her husband joined together, and while she was perfectly fine, he was one of the most obnoxious gamers I've ever played with. When we eased him out, she went too. Pity that.[/size]

 

[Sunseeker]

You know, at this point, my amusement at the threads on this topic has moved to downright wierded-outness at the frequency, regularity, and volume that these topics seem to appear here. Aside from the that, add in the fact that the discussion really never changes, it makes me wonder if it is an ENWorld phenomonon or if gamers really have difficulty dealing with women. Sure, there's always jokes about a nerds incapability to get the girl, but still, guys, these are women, not an alien species that eats with it's eyes and sees with it's tongue.

Treat women as you would want to be treated, a human being, who is equal with others, and enjoys playing a role-playing fantasy game. Take into account what they have to say just as much as anyone else, and you're golden.

 

[Dausuul]

You know, at this point, my amusement at the threads on this topic has moved to downright wierded-outness at the frequency, regularity, and volume that these topics seem to appear here. Aside from the that, add in the fact that the discussion really never changes, it makes me wonder if it is an ENWorld phenomonon or if gamers really have difficulty dealing with women. Sure, there's always jokes about a nerds incapability to get the girl, but still, guys, these are women, not an alien species that eats with it's eyes and sees with it's tongue.

Treat women as you would want to be treated, a human being, who is equal with others, and enjoys playing a role-playing fantasy game. Take into account what they have to say just as much as anyone else, and you're golden.

I agree wholeheartedly with the second paragraph. As to the first... basically the issue is that we live in a culture where the "default point of view" is male. Everything is assumed to be seen from the perspective of a (white, heterosexual, Christian, middle-class, American-born, right-handed, extroverted, sports-watching, beer-drinking, non-disabled, and so on and so forth) man unless otherwise specified.

It's easy to fall into the tendency to view anybody who doesn't meet all of these criteria* as something of an alien. (Even if the person is you! I've known quite a few gamers, including me, who sometimes look at themselves and think, "I see the world so differently from everyone else... am I some kind of space alien?" And then we realize that no, we are not space aliens, and we sigh, because that would be SO DAMN COOL.)

Put that together with the fact that gamers by definition enjoy sitting around dreaming up elaborate scenarios in our heads, plus a lot of us are analytical and scientifically minded. Finally add in that many gaming groups are all-male, and what you get is a whole lot of theorizing and speculation about the Mystery of The Female Gamer.

It's not like sexual stereotypes and "othering" are some disease specific to gamers. This is just how they manifest in our particular community.

[size=-2]*Which is almost everyone. Look at anybody in the right--or wrong--light and they can seem utterly unknowable.[/size]

 

[Hussar]

Ok, a question to all those who claim that there is zero difference between male and female gamers - they're all the same.

If that's true, then why is the hobby still, despite being almost forty years old now, overwhelmingly male? The gender divide isn't even close. I still recall the Dragon magazine polling numbers when Paizo did them and they came back about 10% female gamers.

If there is so little difference, why are women in the hobby such a tiny minority?

 

[Oryan77]

If that's true, then why is the hobby still, despite being almost forty years old now, overwhelmingly male?

If there is so little difference, why are women in the hobby such a tiny minority?

Perhaps the stereotype of socially awkward men that sit and stare in awe at them while playing isn't a very welcoming sign?

If you are looking at it in the way you seem to be with your question, then I'd say "yes", men & women gamers are in fact different. The difference is that women don't make a big deal about playing a game with the opposite sex. They aren't making threads on websites over & over about how to act when playing D&D with men. And when they see a bunch of guys making a big deal about a woman gamer, then I'm sure it makes them hesitant to play, or even be curious about playing.

I really wish some female gamers would speak up. Just so I know if I'm full of crap or not. I know these kind of threads are meant to be helpful, but I just can't believe that topics like this put us guys in a good light in the female gamers eyes. I know my wife (who plays) would roll her eyes if she saw a bunch of dudes discussing the proper way to act around a girl gamer.