Need NPC Cows & Chickens

OK,

I've got the major villians stated out. Just need help with various NPC's who could help hinder/aid the party.

Guidelines, Make a character (don't worry about stats), just a basic personailty guideline, and give them 2d4 class levels (chicikens have favored class monk & cows have sorcerer).

Background (cows, actually, they're all steers)

You were just grazing in the field. Like you did yesterday when a farmer comes up to you. Actually, it appears to be one of those farmer calves that sometimes follows him around. Anyway, he begins to spout gibbereish, waves his hooves around, then BOOM your world explodes. You can think. Suddenly everything becomes clear.... This is grass you eating, you.... You've been lying in your own excrement EVERY night.

As you begin to ponder the depths of your new found intelligence, the small creature in front of you (a halfling) you realize. Begins to speak:

"Brother, I am arch-druid Ripple, umm, something. I, We are here to free you from the oppression of the evil humans who have enslaved & tortured you. It is time to rise up, throw off your brands & KILL all the humans."

"Why should I do that? The feed me, put me in that covered thingy that keeps the rain (hey, RAIN! that's what water from the sky is called) off me."

"Brother, listen to my tale and see if humans are not the most evil beings in existence. Do you know what Leather Bound means"

Thus follows a discussion of certain human terms... Like Beef Parmesian, T-Bone, Rump Roast, Branding, Veal, Leather, and Mountain Oysters. The Mountain Oysters really gets you in the.... well, you ain't got those anymore.

Needless to say, You believe the strange halfling & decide human are evil, perverse, twisted creatures and you'd better follow him, unless you want the rest of you to follow your reproductive bits to the dinner table.

Background (Chickens, Roosters actually):

Pretty much the same as for Steers, only greater emphasis on want people do with your unborn children. Scambled, Poached, Over Easy, Sunny Side Up, Hard Boiled. Humans are children eating monsters.

Plus, the roosters have a little voice in their head egging (heh, egging) them on to even greater acts of violence. It's not enough to simply fight the humans they must be killed. Killing them's not enough, the must suffer like you suffered. Their children MUST be eaten, their bodies consumed as your would have been, Quarted, Deep-Fired, Stewed, Poached & Boiled....

There you go. I'm looking for the best Awakwned Steers & Roosters to throw at my party in week or 2.

Any Questions?
 

log in or register to remove this ad


Some more background,

This started as my April 1st, D&D let's put some humor back into the game.

After the PC's get but kicked by 3 evil Chicken Monks. They aren't laughing. Anyway, after finishing their current quest (to kill a dwarf they rescued from a pit of slime oozes, gave a magic short sword to, asked him to travel with them through the dungeon & they'd help back through the ooze infested ruins to town. Dwarf said yes, minute there back was turned ran away with the short sword, through the forgotten, safe secret passage, then trapped & locked it behind him). Needless to say:

First Priority: Kill backstabbing dwarf.

Second Priority: Kill the %&*^$$^*& Chickens that got away! *^%$%%$#$ Stunning Beak our &$#@! Freaking %$#@*&. I got there Chicken Nuggets right here!

So now I'm making this into the story arc. Basically an insane halfling (lot of bad blood in my games towards halflings) druid goes insane and becomes convince that the domesticated animals are enslaved, tortured, and well, eaten, by the undeserving humans. Farm animals should return to the wild from whence they came. To that end he has begun Awakening various farm animals (in his insanity he's only Awakenening Roosters, Steers, a few pigs and one llama).

The plot points are:

1. Druid is losing no XP when he casts Awaken. (How's that happening?)

2. Chickens are really becoming killing machines & are extracting vengenance behind the druid back, plus getting monk abilites (How is that).

3. Most of the Awakened creatures aren't evil. They have just been led to believe people (who eat them after all) are horribly evil monsters that need to die.

4. Think George Orwell's Animal Farm. PC's are walking into a barnyard war zone.

Con Carne This Evil Humans!
 


Lasher Dragon said:
What, no killer Fiendish Awakened Rabbit with vorpal fangs?
:lol:

Hey, I'm being serious here.

And, if the major bag guy just happens to be an LE Cannibal Awakened Rooster-Monk of Hastur the Unnamable, well.... Ummm. It can be serious. Ask the first PC to fall victim to Chicken Kung-Pao.
 


Lasher Dragon said:
I just feel you are doing a disservice to your players by ignoring the perfect campaign in which to unveil the Monty Python Rabbit of DOOM!

:D

But the whole idea is DOMESTICATED animals.

I suppose I could use one of those fluffy, white rabbits you always see kids at 4-H with.

I'll think about it.

But really, if your character is going to die: would you rather die by chicken or rabbit?
 

Chaotic Neutral Rooster Bard

He likes having his own harem of "ninja/chicks". He is willing to support the party against the druid, but only if the party agree that none of his "girls" is harmed.

To set the mood Cows with Guns
 
Last edited:

Vraille Darkfang said:
But the whole idea is DOMESTICATED animals.

I suppose I could use one of those fluffy, white rabbits you always see kids at 4-H with.

I'll think about it.

But really, if your character is going to die: would you rather die by chicken or rabbit?

How about turkeys, as in South Park? LOL
Between a rabbit and a chicken, I don't know. The rabbit has Monty Python appeal, but the chickens would be cool with little magic razorblades strapped to their legs. It's a toss up. :lol:
 


Enchanted Trinkets Complete

Recent & Upcoming Releases

Remove ads

Top