Need some good putdowns from a snobbish noble

[NewJeffCT]

to another lesser noble... one of my PCs has in his background that he is the 4th or 5th son of a minor noble. I normally would not agree to that, but I made it on the condition that his family is pretty minor among the nobility, and not wealthy due to their poor location. Granted, they're not destitute and above the peasants and all, but they're not exactly Thurston Howell & Lovie, either.

His PC has acted a bit like the snobbish noble at times in game, but I wanted to turn the tables a bit tomorrow night - the PCs will be at a banquet with some nobles, and I wanted to have at least a few of them be nobles from nearby his father's not-so-well-off little barony. Nothing evil or threatening, just something where the other noble will look down his nose at the PC... along the lines of, "I think our dog kennels are bigger than your home"

thanks for any help

 

[possum]

"Who are you, again?"

 

[NewJeffCT]

"Who are you, again?"

That would probably be a good start!

 

[fba827]

"How lovely, I didn't realize wearing window drapes was a new fashion" (or something regarding the style and taste of clothing)

"Oh, I'm surprised to see you here... I thought only important people were invited ..."

"If this food if not up to the standards you are used to, I am sure there are some left-overs in the servants kitchen that will make you stomach feel right at home."

"Still single I see ..."

(Okay so none of those are _great_ but some types of things that might help spark a better idea)

 

[Lord Sessadore]

"Oh ... I didn't realize your family associated with riff-raff. What is the nobility coming to?" A bit of an insult to the entire party...

Some overt patronizing on topics he's obviously knowledgeable about could be good too - "I'm sure you're not used to such dinner settings. Don't worry, you just start with the outermost utensil and work your way in. That's not too much for you, is it?"

I think the main punch to the insults has to be tone - nobles insulting each other shouldn't use strong language, in my opinion (unless they're boiling over with anger). Hopefully those give you some ideas.

 

[grickherder]

Steal one from Firefly (paraphrased): "It's not as good as last years party"
"Oh, what did they have there?"
"Standards."

And have them remark about how it's sad the noble has to risk his life treasure hunting because his father is too poor to offer him a better life.

If the players make the case how what they do is somehow noble or important or good, you can have the nobles remark that yes, it is indeed important and good. Much like how a stable hand cleans their horse's manure. That's very important too.

 

[Lord Sessadore]

Oh, another one for when they're coming in the door - "Excuse me, the servants' entrance is around back."

 

[grickherder]

"Well ofcourse we appreciate how you saved that village. My father used to say to always use the right tool for the job. Incidentally, that's the salad fork you're using."

 

[Xeveninti]

Here is a list of insults used by Dr. Smith from the 1960's show, Lost In Space.

http://www.subgenius.com/bigfist/FIST2001-2/fiction-poetry/X0006_Dr._Smiths_Insults.html

Many of them were directed at the robot and are not applicable to a medieval setting. But many of them are perfect for ridiculous put-downs from the mouth of a snobby noble.

 

[The Little Raven]

I had a situation where the PCs were dining with a noble and his family, and another (more powerful, richer) noble was attending as a guest. The guest noble's daughter attempted to strike up a conversation with the fighter of the group (she likes muscles), and her father broke in and said "Dear, you know better than to consort with the help."

It damn near caused a war.