D&D 5E New DM let Player Die, now what?

[Psikerlord#]

I am a new DM, but have played for many years 2e, and recently Pathfinder.
So, being new, I sometimes don't give enough detail to my players about the goings on (something I am trying to get better at, I know its a flaw). I am playing with a group that, for the most part, have been playing table top games for 5 - 10 years, so while we are new with 5e, we are not new to role playing games.
One of my PCs made the decision to run into battle alone with three humanoid characters that had attacked the group along with some spiders. The PC did not know what these things were until they turned and faced him, and they ended up being 3 CR 2 humanoids vs. this level 4 character. The other 5 members of the party chose to deal with the spiders before giving chase to the humanoids.
Unfortunately as a result of this encounter the PC died. The party decided to bury him, and have moved forward, and we are now in the middle of a completely unrelated harry situation.
Well, the player is very unhappy with his character's death and has pointed out, since our session ended, all of the mistakes that I made that resulted in his death. I accept them all, and don't disagree that my lack of experience, and description played a part in his passing. I have asked that he and the other players help remind me to give some more details when they feel they need them, I am happy to do so. (I also choose to believe that just because the player might know what something is, doesn't mean that the character would know too, and so I need to implement nature checks, and hope that players role play their ignorance when it arises.)
How do experienced DMs deal with a PC death? At what point do you take back the death and say my bad, You're still alive, then. At what point do you say, too much time has passed?
As an aside, I think it's really interesting that no one thought, hey maybe we can resurrect him...
Thanks!

It was the player's - and party's - fault his PC died, not yours. He chose to rush in against the 3 humanoids, he should have been more cautious. Perhaps he will be with his next PC. Just get him to roll up another level 4 PC. Encourage him to think of it as an opportunity to try out another class/race etc and have fun with it.

Plus, and this is a big plus, your players are now aware that you dont pull punches. Your game is dangerous. That is a good thing.

 

[was]

There was discussion at the table that these were likely ettercaps. I should have shown a picture, perhaps?

...This sounds like bad metagaming on behalf of the players. From your description, only 1 character got good close enough to get a good look at them. It's up to him to determine what they truly were. There should not have been a group discussion to identify them when the characters were separated.

...Second, does the character have any training, or skills, that would let him identify such a creature? Remember that the character seldom has all the knoweldge that his/her player does. Running a character on knowledge he/she wouldn't know is a clear sign of an inexperienced, or bad, roleplayer.

This party... Doesn't have a lot of commeraderie. The players all get along well, and we have plenty of laughs around the table. But, due to some role play choices, there are definitely some tensions in the group.

...Sometime you can bust your tail to bring a group together and fail. That's not always your fault. Some people just do not get along with others.

So, I did not provide warning that this might be a fatal choice for the PC to give chase. He asked about the terrain, which I said was lightly treed, and not yet fully forested. He did not ask about the humanoids, and I did not offer up any info either - which is where my fault lays..

...You shouldn't have to warn him that chasing off into the woods to fight three enemies alone might be a fatal choice. Unless he is extremely young, that should be common sense.

...Again, it's up to the player to ask questions regarding his foes. It's not the DM's job to lead them around by the nose.

My last mistake was asking him to do his death saves at disadvantage because I had written something down wrong in my notes, and didn't realize that it only applied to ability scores.

...This is the only real problem I can identify in your retelling. What you might consider is having the poison not kill, but put the character into a comatose-like state indistinguishable from death to the untrained. You could have the pc awake in his coffin, having been buried alive, and claw his way to the surface. Then give him some nasty nightmares that keep him fatigued for a few days. It could be interesting.

 

[Nergal Pendragon]

\How do experienced DMs deal with a PC death? At what point do you take back the death and say my bad, You're still alive, then. At what point do you say, too much time has passed?

I handle it the way my group has always handled it: Things happen. PCs die on occasion. You make a new character and move on.

In this case, the PC made a dumb move and died. Everyone in my group has done that at some point. Including me when I wasn't DMing. It happens.

Honestly, even with the fact you made mistakes, I think the player is overreacting.

 

[Hussar]

I'm going with the crowd on this one and say that the OP DM didn't do anything wrong. I mean, if the only rules issue was the disadvantage on death saves, that means that the PC was already down for two rounds before he died. Any one of the Ettercaps could have simply finished him off and there was no guarantee he'd make the next death save anyway. The player needs to buck up and accept that charging off by yourself against three foes is a very bad idea. Particularly when the rest of the group would be several rounds behind - they'd need to deal with the spiders first, then chase after the PC. Since the PC took what, three rounds to catch the ettercaps using Longstrider, the rest of the group is at least double that behind and probably more.

Yeah, this is Darwin in action. Don't run off by yourself and don't engage large groups of foes by yourself.

I mean, if nothing else, the fact that the horses get dropped before the enemies is a big hint that these aren't hobgoblins or other minor humanoids - warhorse has 19 HP, Hobgobs only have 11. If you're dropping the horses with sleep, that means that the baddies are bigger than the horses. Between spiders and that, with experienced players? Yeah, that death is on the player not the DM.

 

[bedir than]

In tonight's session "I can't wait until this character dies so I can make...."

That made me think of this thread. Player wasn't doing anything stupid, they just liked the world space enough that enjoyment comes from variety.

 

[SirAntoine]

Putting it to a vote is a bad idea because it can hurt someone's feelings if they have to hear the other players choose to disallow their character's return. It's not right to let anyone else decide this. You as DM need to make a simple decision. It's your call, and your call alone.

 

[Unwise]

IMO the player is at fault if they complain about their PC dying. If they don't like some aspects of a DMs style, that is fine for them to bring up, but if they are just complaining because of the consequence to them, then they are breaching the social contract. A DMs job is hard enough without people nitpicking all the things they may or may not have done wrong as soon as something goes wrong for them.

If the DM fails to describe something properly and the player does not ask for details or make a nature check that is bad luck for them. If they run in half blind without clarifying danger and while everybody else stays back, the issue is not the DM.

 

[GSHamster]

I'm going to Devil's Advocate on the part of the player.

Describing the 3 humanoids as "humanoids" is a lot different than saying something like "a hideous purple creature that walks upright like a man with a face like that of a spider". If the player heard "humanoid", he may have imagined actual humans, or orcs or elves. If the player thinks he's chasing three humans, and then get's nuked by three hybrid spider monstrosities, he's going to be a little unhappy.

One important lesson to learn as a DM is that only a fraction of what you envision actually makes it across to the players. It's like the story of the blind men and the elephant. The DM sees the elephant, but the players only feel the trunk and think it's a snake.

You have to learn to be blunt, and repeat and emphasize important things to make sure that what the players envision matches what's in your head.

 

[Rune]

I'm going to Devil's Advocate on the part of the player.

Describing the 3 humanoids as "humanoids" is a lot different than saying something like "a hideous purple creature that walks upright like a man with a face like that of a spider". If the player heard "humanoid", he may have imagined actual humans, or orcs or elves. If the player thinks he's chasing three humans, and then get's nuked by three hybrid spider monstrosities, he's going to be a little unhappy.

One important lesson to learn as a DM is that only a fraction of what you envision actually makes it across to the players. It's like the story of the blind men and the elephant. The DM sees the elephant, but the players only feel the trunk and think it's a snake.

You have to learn to be blunt, and repeat and emphasize important things to make sure that what the players envision matches what's in your head.

There is truth in all of that, and yet, a DM is not obligated to have creatures' appearances conform to the players' expectations. If the DM wants ettercaps in his/her setting to look like humans or elves, that's perfectly fine (and creepy), as long as it's consistant. In such a scenario, the PC who gives chase to three of them alone is no less responsible for his/her own death than if the DM had specifically called them "ettercaps."

 

[Blackwarder]

Haven't read the entire thread but from the OP it seems like the player is a big baby, it isn't your job to make sure the characters remain alive, it's your job to weave a good story and a believable world it's the players job to explore it and survive.

Another thing, as a DM you need to be assertive, not a d!ck and not indifferent but always be assertive, don't let a player make you take responsibility for thier mistakes, I don't know the context but it takes two to tango so it wasn't all your fault.

Warder