OMG Nightmare player Help advice pls

[pawsplay]

I suggest you say that you can't help noticing she is keeps obviously disrupting the game and say you are wondering if doing something else is so important to her that she honestly does not care, or anyways notice, that she is disrupting the group. One of three things will likely happen:

1. She will explain herself. Talking about feelings has a magical way of actually causing things related to feelings to sometimes get resolved. This will advance the possibility of fixing the game.
2. She will be nonplussed by your assertive communication, and respond in such a way that you realize there is no possible resolution, she is actually intent on controlling others through punishment. This will help you understand it is time to move on.
3. You will find out the couple are feuding. In that case the only thing to do is try to identify whether the conflict is a temporary, growth-oriented one, or a longstanding, destructive one.

 

[Cor_Malek]

A yoga class perhaps? Carefully booked on the night you play on only? What you need to do is to get rid of her, because it seems she doesn't grasp the idea of her not playing, yet you guys carrying on. If that's the case, just make sure it doesn't matter. Pool/dancing or pottery class won't work, as she'd probably take the DM with her. So just choose something where a wife wouldn't want her husband with.
I wouldn't recommending organizing "girls night out" for at least 3 counts:

• Hard to organize
• Not reliable enough, first night they could just decide that Tuesday works better for them and you're back into square one
• Could have a nasty backfire for the DM: "So, where's Frank at?" "Oh, they're playing those boring elf-games (...40 minutes of complaining)".

 

[haakon1]

DM is part of the problem

It strikes me that part of the problem is the DM.

He hasn't taught this player HOW to play the game, he hasn't made it possible for their character to be useful and impactful in the game, and he's not managing the game to keep the players engaged.

By allowing a party where one Wizard has fireball, and there's another Wizard has only Sleep, the DM is setting up the second player to be bored and feel stifled and inferior -- especially if the second player isn't very skilled, and the campaign is a slugfest rather than RP-based campaign where divination might be useful.

At least as presented, the DM has allowed his wife to create a character that isn't suited to the campaign, and has her role overshadowed by the OP's character.

And BTW, the OP may also be part of the problem.

I would agree that the advice, if the OP wants to continue playing, is to engage the "offending" player and try to make nice.

But he also needs to share the limelight, and remember the game is about more than his character -- make the other character important, and help the other player, and it might actually be possible for all of you to have fun.

Also, tell the DM to let her have some decent spells.

And if you really want to make it work, offer to play a new character WHO ISN'T a WIZARD, so she can play that role.

 

[vagabundo]

Fight fire with fire - if the game is dead to you anyway.

Gun for the wifes character every chance you get and turn the other players against here. Make your own fun with the game. Be nice and polite but make characters that will Burn HER!! You never know she might get fed up and leave the game, then you can get back to business as usual.

 

[athos]

Hmmm, not sure why everyone would go running to the husband when their problem is with the wife...

Have you tried talking to her? Asking her if she is having fun? Asking her what could be changed to make it more fun for her? You said she is your roommate, surely you can approach her alone in a nonconfrontational manner and see what she likes / dislikes about the game.

If she were not married to the GM, and she was miserable with the game, would you just ignore her misery? or would you try to help solve the problem?

I would definitely start by talking to her. Whatever you do though, don't bring up sleeping, don't bring up passive agressive behavior, don't bring up anything negative. Figure out a time where she actually did contribute and remind her of that time / instance. Ask her if she enjoyed that game session. See what can be done to make her more a part of the game and not less a part of the game.

The fact that she lets her husband continue to DM, IMO anyways, shows she isn't a total loss, maybe if you work with her, you can come up with a new character, or more situations, where she can be an active part of the game and have fun and not be miserable and take that misery out on everyone else.

Or, you can go and download OpenRPG, and write off your roommates and play online

 

[TarionzCousin]

You guys are making this far too difficult. It's actually very easy.

Get a sex change.

Then she'll like you and steer all the phat lewt in the game your way.

 

[Tequila Sunrise]

...painfully lax grammar...

I'd like to help ya dude, but I got a headache five would-be sentences in. And I'm not even a grammar nazi.

 

[AdmundfortGeographer]

I'd like to help ya dude, but I got a headache five would-be sentences in. And I'm not even a grammar nazi.

And you didn't even read it when it was all typed in red.

 

[Man in the Funny Hat]

Fight fire with fire - if the game is dead to you anyway.

Gun for the wifes character every chance you get and turn the other players against here. Make your own fun with the game. Be nice and polite but make characters that will Burn HER!! You never know she might get fed up and leave the game, then you can get back to business as usual.

THIS kind of behavior is what I kick out players for without hesitation. She may be a problem, but players doing the kind of thing you describe is WORSE. Fighting fire with fire is... for fires. In D&D it is only for immature players who have a masochistic drive to be instantly and permenantly despised more than the target of their own displeasure.

 

[pawsplay]

THIS kind of behavior is what I kick out players for without hesitation. She may be a problem, but players doing the kind of thing you describe is WORSE. Fighting fire with fire is... for fires. In D&D it is only for immature players who have a masochistic drive to be instantly and permenantly despised more than the target of their own displeasure.

That's Elfish Gene type poison.