[One-shot] Marvel Superheroes: The Providence Protectors
- Thread starter Dr Midnight
- Start date
Breakstone
First Post
Ha ha ha!
That's great, Doc!
That's great, Doc!
Dr Midnight
Explorer
You mean he yet lives? Curses! The prophecy must not come true. I'll have to send a legion of skeleton demons after him. Thanks for the info.
Google image search.
Thanks for the excuse to give the thread a daytime bump... and thanks Tsunami
Broccli_Head
Explorer
I love Dr. Doom!
Thanks Doc for all the Styx ref's. This story just cracks me up. You know that there is going to be a demand for more after you finish this Episode.
I am the first to request it!
Thanks Doc for all the Styx ref's. This story just cracks me up. You know that there is going to be a demand for more after you finish this Episode.
I am the first to request it!
Dr Midnight
Explorer
Issue 3
Dr. Doom hovered outside the window, legs straight down, arms out to his sides… but not like that Creed guy. He looked much cooler.
“YOU HAVE INTERFERED WITH DOOM’S PLAN TO ACQUIRE THE NUCLEAR DEVICE HOUSED WITHIN THIS DAVE & BUSTER’S LOCATION! Long has Doom toiled, playing endless hours of SkeeBall. Doom does not need his lackwit henchman… for Doom has ALL THE TICKETS HE NEEDS!” He pulled from behind his back a three-foot yellow cube of tightly folded SkeeBall tickets.
“T-that mmmm-m-must be about th-th-three m-MILLION SkeeB-ball tickets!” Captain Caffeine exclaimed.
“The nefarious fiend!” The Arachnid shouted, shaking a fist. “So that’s his plot! To win the nuclear device from D&B’s! …There’s a nuclear device in there??”
“Yes,” Dr. Doom replied, “for three million tickets. It’s right between the Mickey Mouse talking phone and the Sony boom box.”
“Y-y-you’ll n-NEVER have t-that n-n-n-nuclear th-thingeyma-bob!” Capcaf said defiantly before spitting a scalding mouthful of coffee at Doom.
The coffee splashed against his SkeeBall ticket cube, melting them with the incredibly hot liquid. The yellow sludge ran between Dr. Doom’s fingers. His eyes bulged as he stared in disbelief. “Gone… Doom’s SkeeBall tickets… GONE!” The remaining sludge on his gauntleted hands scorched away to black atoms as Doom prepared to blast the group in his rage.
The Arachnid thought quickly. “Uh oh, he’s getting angry… quick, Hollywood, give ‘im the goods!”
Hollywood threw an arm up out of theatrical habit and utilized his other, lesser-known power: His siren-like voice can bend any man to his will, breaking his spirit and rendering him helpless. “On your KNEES, Doctor…” he said. Then, from the diaphragm, he sang in a high soprano: “HOLLYWOOOOOOOOOOD!!!”
Doom shivered from the sound, but it had little to do with Hollywood’s superpower. He then blasted the inside of the foodcourt with a scorching beam from his gauntlets. The heroes had to move quickly to dodge the assault.
The Arachnid backflipped over the beam, then picked up the fallen D&B sign, as big as it was… then hurled it out towards Dr. Doom like a giant Frisbee. He blasted it to D&B sign-colored dust and smoke before it got within fifteen feet of him.
CapCaf used one of his own often-overlooked powers, and asked “Hey, Doom’s armor, what’s Doom’s most embarrassing attribute?”
The armor, to Doom’s surprise, replied “Probably his face… either that or the fact that he goes commando under the armor. Ewwww, let me tell you.”
Dr. Doom shouted “SILENCE, stupid armor!” just before Mr. Roboto plowed towards him from the side, bearing the entire candy display from the movie theater. He missed. Roboto smashed through D&B’s. Gummy Bears and Sour Patch Kids flew like bullets as the display shattered.
Dr. Doom threw Hollywood across the foodcourt, but he landed on his feet, like a cat. Doom then began flying into Dave & Buster’s. Arachnid webbed the entrance shut in front of him, but he didn’t seem to care. He just ripped straight through it with incredible force and speed.
Roboto spoke from the other side as Doom breached the web. “Doom, I see pain in your future!” Dr. Doom saw, too late, that Roboto had moved the novelty arcade-style fortune teller machine in front of the web. In the fortune teller booth, the animatronic gypsy fortuneteller’s jaw dropped in horror. Doom smashed into it and the two exploded. Flames blew all around them, pieces of fortune teller machine rained in a fiery black torrent. Doom flew through the fires, barely scratched- but annoyed.
CapCaf gets a brilliant idea and tunnels downward, under the mall, under the earth, and then upwards in a different area. He popped up right in Dave & Buster’s, right behind the counter where you redeem your worthless SkeeBall tickets for worthless crap. He put a D&B cap on his head and wrapped the employee apron around himself. He then unscrewed the “Place plutonium here” cap on the nuclear device and removed the plutonium. He tossed the glowing green rod behind him and it plummeted into the hole he’d made in the floor. Should he be worried about that? Nah. CapCaf had burned away most of his brain cells through years of non-dairy creamer abuse. He couldn’t be bothered with such things.
Hollywood climbed down the hole CapCaf had made and began working his way up to the other side. He squealed with fearful surprise when he saw a plutonium rod flying at him from above. He caught it with his chest hair, cushioning it from a surely destructive blow. Then, his chest hair began glowing green. He was having a reaction to the extremely radioactive substance, for some reason!
Mr. Roboto, in the meantime, ripped the vibrating arcade chair from the floor. You put a quarter in it and it vibrates, making children and co-eds shriek with terror and delight. You know how it is. Anyway, he flew it straight behind Doom and slammed it into him. Doom sat back into the chair and his armor rattled. His eyes bugged from the intense vibratey-ness.
Doom flew out of the chair and swiped the nuclear device out of CapCaf’s hands. “DOOM’S, IT IS FINALLY DOOOOM’S!!!” he cackled. Just then, he noticed that the plutonium cap was missing… and there was no plutonium to be found. “What?? Where…” he looked about, and then flew down the shaft towards Hollywood, who was holding the glowing rod.
“Yoooo hooooo, Doomey!” Hollywood chirped, though in reality, he was terrified.
“IT MUST BE MIIIIIIIIINE!!!” Doom yelled as he hurtled towards the rod. He smashed into Hollywood at about 200 miles per hour, and the two drilled far into the earth before the plutonium detonated. Does bare plutonium detonate? I dunno. It did, though. A greenish-orange glut of fire shot up the shaft and blew the roof off of D&B’s… and the entire Providence Place Mall. Roboto flew Arachnid and CapCaf out just in time, before the radioactive fires consumed the entire building.
Above, Arachnid mourned the loss of a fellow hero. “It’s too bad he had to die, but he died doing what he loved: looking fabulous while wearing tights.”
Then, from the fire below: “Hollywoooooooood!!” The mauve marauder stepped from the fires, glowing green. The radioactive plutonium stuff had given him the ability to survive the nuclear firestorm. He’d survived.
Epilogue
Back in their base, the red emergency phone started flashing.
“My danger sense tells me that the phone is ringing!” the Arachnid shouted. “Let me scoop that up. Helloooo?”
The screen lowered and the mayor stared at them. Sweat ran down his forehead. His eyes were ringed with dark lines. His jaw shivered. “Pr…Providence Protectors! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!?”
“We defeated Dr. Doom!” Arachnid said, arching her back with pride.
“You blew up half the city doing it! People are dying everywhere, the Mall’s been absolutely liquefied, and I’m told that the entire state will have to be evacuated! What do you have to say for yourselves?” A tear squeezed from one red-rimmed eye.
“Mr. Mayor, you look like you could use a cup of coffee.” Roboto joked. The other Protectors laughed good naturedly.
The mayor stared in disbelief, then said “You know what, Mr. Roboto?” He extended his arm and flipped them all the bird. “DOMO #$%^ing ARIGATO!”
End
Dr. Doom hovered outside the window, legs straight down, arms out to his sides… but not like that Creed guy. He looked much cooler.
“YOU HAVE INTERFERED WITH DOOM’S PLAN TO ACQUIRE THE NUCLEAR DEVICE HOUSED WITHIN THIS DAVE & BUSTER’S LOCATION! Long has Doom toiled, playing endless hours of SkeeBall. Doom does not need his lackwit henchman… for Doom has ALL THE TICKETS HE NEEDS!” He pulled from behind his back a three-foot yellow cube of tightly folded SkeeBall tickets.
“T-that mmmm-m-must be about th-th-three m-MILLION SkeeB-ball tickets!” Captain Caffeine exclaimed.
“The nefarious fiend!” The Arachnid shouted, shaking a fist. “So that’s his plot! To win the nuclear device from D&B’s! …There’s a nuclear device in there??”
“Yes,” Dr. Doom replied, “for three million tickets. It’s right between the Mickey Mouse talking phone and the Sony boom box.”
“Y-y-you’ll n-NEVER have t-that n-n-n-nuclear th-thingeyma-bob!” Capcaf said defiantly before spitting a scalding mouthful of coffee at Doom.
The coffee splashed against his SkeeBall ticket cube, melting them with the incredibly hot liquid. The yellow sludge ran between Dr. Doom’s fingers. His eyes bulged as he stared in disbelief. “Gone… Doom’s SkeeBall tickets… GONE!” The remaining sludge on his gauntleted hands scorched away to black atoms as Doom prepared to blast the group in his rage.
The Arachnid thought quickly. “Uh oh, he’s getting angry… quick, Hollywood, give ‘im the goods!”
Hollywood threw an arm up out of theatrical habit and utilized his other, lesser-known power: His siren-like voice can bend any man to his will, breaking his spirit and rendering him helpless. “On your KNEES, Doctor…” he said. Then, from the diaphragm, he sang in a high soprano: “HOLLYWOOOOOOOOOOD!!!”
Doom shivered from the sound, but it had little to do with Hollywood’s superpower. He then blasted the inside of the foodcourt with a scorching beam from his gauntlets. The heroes had to move quickly to dodge the assault.
The Arachnid backflipped over the beam, then picked up the fallen D&B sign, as big as it was… then hurled it out towards Dr. Doom like a giant Frisbee. He blasted it to D&B sign-colored dust and smoke before it got within fifteen feet of him.
CapCaf used one of his own often-overlooked powers, and asked “Hey, Doom’s armor, what’s Doom’s most embarrassing attribute?”
The armor, to Doom’s surprise, replied “Probably his face… either that or the fact that he goes commando under the armor. Ewwww, let me tell you.”
Dr. Doom shouted “SILENCE, stupid armor!” just before Mr. Roboto plowed towards him from the side, bearing the entire candy display from the movie theater. He missed. Roboto smashed through D&B’s. Gummy Bears and Sour Patch Kids flew like bullets as the display shattered.
Dr. Doom threw Hollywood across the foodcourt, but he landed on his feet, like a cat. Doom then began flying into Dave & Buster’s. Arachnid webbed the entrance shut in front of him, but he didn’t seem to care. He just ripped straight through it with incredible force and speed.
Roboto spoke from the other side as Doom breached the web. “Doom, I see pain in your future!” Dr. Doom saw, too late, that Roboto had moved the novelty arcade-style fortune teller machine in front of the web. In the fortune teller booth, the animatronic gypsy fortuneteller’s jaw dropped in horror. Doom smashed into it and the two exploded. Flames blew all around them, pieces of fortune teller machine rained in a fiery black torrent. Doom flew through the fires, barely scratched- but annoyed.
CapCaf gets a brilliant idea and tunnels downward, under the mall, under the earth, and then upwards in a different area. He popped up right in Dave & Buster’s, right behind the counter where you redeem your worthless SkeeBall tickets for worthless crap. He put a D&B cap on his head and wrapped the employee apron around himself. He then unscrewed the “Place plutonium here” cap on the nuclear device and removed the plutonium. He tossed the glowing green rod behind him and it plummeted into the hole he’d made in the floor. Should he be worried about that? Nah. CapCaf had burned away most of his brain cells through years of non-dairy creamer abuse. He couldn’t be bothered with such things.
Hollywood climbed down the hole CapCaf had made and began working his way up to the other side. He squealed with fearful surprise when he saw a plutonium rod flying at him from above. He caught it with his chest hair, cushioning it from a surely destructive blow. Then, his chest hair began glowing green. He was having a reaction to the extremely radioactive substance, for some reason!
Mr. Roboto, in the meantime, ripped the vibrating arcade chair from the floor. You put a quarter in it and it vibrates, making children and co-eds shriek with terror and delight. You know how it is. Anyway, he flew it straight behind Doom and slammed it into him. Doom sat back into the chair and his armor rattled. His eyes bugged from the intense vibratey-ness.
Doom flew out of the chair and swiped the nuclear device out of CapCaf’s hands. “DOOM’S, IT IS FINALLY DOOOOM’S!!!” he cackled. Just then, he noticed that the plutonium cap was missing… and there was no plutonium to be found. “What?? Where…” he looked about, and then flew down the shaft towards Hollywood, who was holding the glowing rod.
“Yoooo hooooo, Doomey!” Hollywood chirped, though in reality, he was terrified.
“IT MUST BE MIIIIIIIIINE!!!” Doom yelled as he hurtled towards the rod. He smashed into Hollywood at about 200 miles per hour, and the two drilled far into the earth before the plutonium detonated. Does bare plutonium detonate? I dunno. It did, though. A greenish-orange glut of fire shot up the shaft and blew the roof off of D&B’s… and the entire Providence Place Mall. Roboto flew Arachnid and CapCaf out just in time, before the radioactive fires consumed the entire building.
Above, Arachnid mourned the loss of a fellow hero. “It’s too bad he had to die, but he died doing what he loved: looking fabulous while wearing tights.”
Then, from the fire below: “Hollywoooooooood!!” The mauve marauder stepped from the fires, glowing green. The radioactive plutonium stuff had given him the ability to survive the nuclear firestorm. He’d survived.
Epilogue
Back in their base, the red emergency phone started flashing.
“My danger sense tells me that the phone is ringing!” the Arachnid shouted. “Let me scoop that up. Helloooo?”
The screen lowered and the mayor stared at them. Sweat ran down his forehead. His eyes were ringed with dark lines. His jaw shivered. “Pr…Providence Protectors! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!?”
“We defeated Dr. Doom!” Arachnid said, arching her back with pride.
“You blew up half the city doing it! People are dying everywhere, the Mall’s been absolutely liquefied, and I’m told that the entire state will have to be evacuated! What do you have to say for yourselves?” A tear squeezed from one red-rimmed eye.
“Mr. Mayor, you look like you could use a cup of coffee.” Roboto joked. The other Protectors laughed good naturedly.
The mayor stared in disbelief, then said “You know what, Mr. Roboto?” He extended his arm and flipped them all the bird. “DOMO #$%^ing ARIGATO!”
End
Dr Midnight
Explorer
So there you go... I know the ending stinks, but c'mon, we were all drinking. It was fun.
Ahh, now I have time to add some new stuff to a certain other story hour.
Ahh, now I have time to add some new stuff to a certain other story hour.
Hatchling Dragon
First Post
Nooo... we need to hear more of the team with the initials of PP! Somehow that just fits sooo well, don't 'cha think? 
Thanks for sharing with us though, even if you don't re-count more miss-adventures later.
This reminds me of a friend's Superhero in a not-too-serious Marvel game, Captain Stupendous. He's far too close in silly-factor to Capt. Hollywood. Two words would tell yah why, one of his powers: Prehensile Tounge! I can't say more cuz it might shock EN's Granny to death
Hatchling Dragon
Thanks for sharing with us though, even if you don't re-count more miss-adventures later.
This reminds me of a friend's Superhero in a not-too-serious Marvel game, Captain Stupendous. He's far too close in silly-factor to Capt. Hollywood. Two words would tell yah why, one of his powers: Prehensile Tounge! I can't say more cuz it might shock EN's Granny to death
Hatchling Dragon
Breakstone
First Post
Ha ha ha...
Great story, Doc!
Great story, Doc!
