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The Nine Hells, Tuesday, 17 December 2002 anno domini:
Planar meteorologists today were blaming the unseasonal blizzardlike conditions in Hell on England's recent victory in the one-day cricket match against Sri Lanka.
England were playing as part of the three-way one-day series against Sri Lanka and Austria. They had not won in their thirteen previous matches on tour.
"The reason Hell is freezing over is because those thrice-damned Englishmen got their act together enough to win a game for once," said Thrys'arganz'dakul, Court Wizard to Archduke Belial, co-ruler of Phlegethos, the fourth layer of Hell.
Several inches of snow have fallen in the last hour over the layers of Avernus, Dis, Minauros, Phlegethos, Malbolge, Maladomini and Nessus. These layers of hell, normally searingly hot, are now covered with ice and snow.
The icy layers of Stygia and Cania have meanwhile become completely impassable.
"This is bad even for Hell," said Kaz'ar'dunaz'gadal, a gelugon overseer huddling inside a shelter on Cania. "I mean, we used to joke about Hell already being frozen over, but this is getting beyond a joke. What do those English think they're doing?"
The cold snap has already caused the loss of several herds of lemures. Although lemures are resistant to cold, the extreme conditions have taken their toll on the mindless creatures that provide sustenance to the denizens of Hell.
"But there are always more where they came from", said Kaz'ar'dunaz'gadal. "The Barmy Army, for instance."
"And Nasser Hussain and Alec Stewart, if they keep causing trouble like this," he added.
In a rare interview, Archduke Belial promised that such an occurrence was extremely rare. "In fact, they are as rare as the blue moon that rose over the plane of Phlegethos last night," he said.
This occurrence was all the more exceptional because Phlegethos normally has no moons, said Archduke Belial.
Reports of pigs in flight over the great rifts of Nessus remain unconfirmed.
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The Nine Hells, Tuesday, 17 December 2002 anno domini:
Planar meteorologists today were blaming the unseasonal blizzardlike conditions in Hell on England's recent victory in the one-day cricket match against Sri Lanka.
England were playing as part of the three-way one-day series against Sri Lanka and Austria. They had not won in their thirteen previous matches on tour.
"The reason Hell is freezing over is because those thrice-damned Englishmen got their act together enough to win a game for once," said Thrys'arganz'dakul, Court Wizard to Archduke Belial, co-ruler of Phlegethos, the fourth layer of Hell.
Several inches of snow have fallen in the last hour over the layers of Avernus, Dis, Minauros, Phlegethos, Malbolge, Maladomini and Nessus. These layers of hell, normally searingly hot, are now covered with ice and snow.
The icy layers of Stygia and Cania have meanwhile become completely impassable.
"This is bad even for Hell," said Kaz'ar'dunaz'gadal, a gelugon overseer huddling inside a shelter on Cania. "I mean, we used to joke about Hell already being frozen over, but this is getting beyond a joke. What do those English think they're doing?"
The cold snap has already caused the loss of several herds of lemures. Although lemures are resistant to cold, the extreme conditions have taken their toll on the mindless creatures that provide sustenance to the denizens of Hell.
"But there are always more where they came from", said Kaz'ar'dunaz'gadal. "The Barmy Army, for instance."
"And Nasser Hussain and Alec Stewart, if they keep causing trouble like this," he added.
In a rare interview, Archduke Belial promised that such an occurrence was extremely rare. "In fact, they are as rare as the blue moon that rose over the plane of Phlegethos last night," he said.
This occurrence was all the more exceptional because Phlegethos normally has no moons, said Archduke Belial.
Reports of pigs in flight over the great rifts of Nessus remain unconfirmed.
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my roommate had the stupid misfortune of letting me tag along on his date. when this girl revealed that she was a baby photographer, i exclaimed the now-famous line, "Wow, Dave, she shoots babies and she's from Hell! She's perfect for you!" for some reason, she never talked to him again after that night. 
