[OT] Help with annoying co-worker (or...amuse me before I go insane)

[Djeta Thernadier]

Like many good ENWorld message board readers/posters, I spend a good 90% of my time at work, well, reading and posting.

However, I face an obstacle in the path of my slacking, that quite frankly, screws up the other 10% of my work day as well... the parts where I'm actually doing actual "work".

I, dear friends, have met and can safely say I sit across from someone worse than any vile villian in any game you have have ever encountered. For I sit across from the loudest, most obnoxious woman on the face of this earth. Lets just call her The Loud One (TLO).

TLO spends her entire work day, from the very moment she comes in at 8 AM to the moment she leaves at 4:30 PM, yapping loudly on the phone, in sometimes very offensive ebonics. She talks about her private love life, her family , celebrity gossip etc. I also recently discovered she is calling people in another state (TN ...we are in MA).

I have complained repeatedly about her to our direct boss, who told me she "talked to TLO and TLO promised to tone it down, and that's the best she can do". Often, the only way I'm able to hear myself think/do my job I am forced to actually leave my desk and go to another computer I have access to in another part of the building...

I have resigned myself to the fact that I will probably never be able to shut her up since the management doesn't seem to care, and as such need to find ways to keep myself amused by her annoying-ness so I don't snap. For instance, since she almost always talks like she is a 17 year old hip hop star (she's actually a 30 year old married woman w/ children) my friends and I have come up with the TLO Hip Hop Saying of the Day etc...

So today, to keep myself sane, I turn to you...

What would you have your PCs do to her, to shut her up, if this was all a game and you'd get some serious XP for doing so...

Please amuse me before my head explodes...

because I have to hear that some r&b singer named Tyrese has an attractive behind (in not so classy terms) for one more second
my head WILL explode...

Thanks...

~Sheri

 

[Zappo]

Well, my PC would just cast a Suggestion to use the phone less and less loudly, but since I doubt you have access to magic, I'd suggest putting powerful laxative in her coffee and cut her phone line while she's out.

 

[Zhure]

.. and hide the toilet paper. Laxatives and no toilet paper equals no phone time.

 

[Murrdox]

A new woman joined our team at work recently who has the same problem. The "You gots" and "Ah di'nt" (didn't) and "Ah tol' er" (I told her) threaten to drive me crazy. It's some weird dialect of ebonics mixed with lazy southern white woman. Can you imagine the pain? Add into that the fact that I was an English major in college.... and my saving throws vs. pain get a -5 circumstance penalty.

Things to do:
1) Say you're really swamped with the 10% of the work you need to do during the day, and pass it off on her. She gets more busy and hopefully more quiet, while you post on the forum more.
2) Get a radio, and play Kenny G music from your desk at about the same volume she's talking. If she complains, just say, "But I can't hear my music with you on the phone all the time." That should give her some incentive to be more quiet.
3) Cast Grease on her bum, so she constantly slips out of her chair.
4) Caltrops under the cube.
5) 20 layers of Reynold's plastic wrap securing her phone to the receiver.

Things not to do:
1) Cast Otto's Irresistable Dance on her. You DON'T want to see her shake what her momma gave her.
2) Likewise with "Tasha's Uncontrollable Laughter".
3) Don't tell other co-workers you're thinking about what D&D spells would be amusing to cast on her.

 

[kengar]

So today, to keep myself sane, I turn to you...

What would you have your PCs do to her, to shut her up, if this was all a game and you'd get some serious XP for doing so...

Please amuse me before my head explodes...

That's easy, Silence spell + Permanancy. The peace of mind alone is worth the XP hit and the revenge of denying her the sound of her own voice (which she obviously enjoys hearing) without actual physical harm is a delightful bonus. Of course, the area of effect might be a factor for those around her that may actually need to speak.

Seriously though, have you considered talking to TLO directly? Something polite but along the lines of "Hi, you probably don't realize it, but voices carry quite easily in this space and I can hear you talking on the phone from my desk. With the acoustics and all, it's actually pretty loud and sort of distracting. Could you do me favor and speak a little softer when you're on the phone? I appreciate it, thanks!"

You might be surprised

 

[Djeta Thernadier]

This had me cracking up out loud...

I feel your pain...as for the Kenny G blasting, I forgot to mention that on top of all this, she blares really bad gangsta rap/whiny r&b from her desk all day too...

Oh the pain...the pain...

I haven't told anyone in my dept. I'm considering casting some D&D spells to shut her up (though I'm sure they'd thank me).
I do, however, keep a D20 at my desk and roll it every once in a while to see if I was making an attack, if I'd hit.

I think maybe later we'll go home and make up some actual stats for her...see what I'd need to roll to take her down...

Hey...I have to do something, right

 

[Snapdragyn]

If the polite direct approach doesn't work (& I'd try that first), then just start joining in her conversations. I mean, if she's been made aware that you can hear her every word & continues speaking that loudly, she must want you to take part in them, right? *eg*

 

[Djeta Thernadier]

Seriously though, have you considered talking to TLO directly? Something polite but along the lines of "Hi, you probably don't realize it, but voices carry quite easily in this space and I can hear you talking on the phone from my desk. With the acoustics and all, it's actually pretty loud and sort of distracting. Could you do me favor and speak a little softer when you're on the phone? I appreciate it, thanks!"

Sadly, yes, that was my first plan. And she just gave me an attitude... Then our boss send out a non singling out TLO email to our group about being quiet, and she got right on the phone and started whining to her friends that I was complaining about her and what nerve did I have...?

>grumble<

 

[MarauderX]

Introduce her to your contradictory side. Interrupt her on almost any subject and say "that's not true! It's like this, and you better listen 'cause what yins sayin' is a lie!' or 'No way, I don't think so!'. The faster you can talk the better and just expound on anything you are talking about, then switch the subject like you are a 6-year-old with ADD. Try the twisty bard routine --

Example: "What? What are you talking about? There is no way that guy is attractive at all! He doesn't even have...check out the puppy! What are you looking at now? It's like you don't even listen to what anyone says to you around here anyway, and you're just lucky they don't fire you like my boss said they should, but that's how it - is that Prada that girl is wearing? How can she afford that doing your job? Gap, maybe, but you can't even buy Armani, how are you going afford Prada, let alone Richard Tyler? Tell me, how do you think you are going to afford Richard Tyler? Crazy girl, thinking you can buy all that expensive clothing on your salary."

 

[smetzger]

Use earplugs or headphones for your own music.