NEW SPELL
EDENA'S ENCHANTED MUFFIN
Level - 7th
Casting Time - 1 full round
Saving Throw - none
Spell Resistance - applies
Upon casting this spell, the caster brings out the vitriolic hatred that resides in all plants against the usurpers who walk free upon the earth, burning, hacking, and destroying, within the stuff of muffins, cakes, and any form of bread (heh, to take some wording from Tolkien, here!)
The muffin or cake or bread, in question, becomes aware and intelligent, and it is highly evil, for all it's hatred is brought to the fore.
The spell imbues the muffin to reshape itself, and to exert great force (as if it were a Mimic), while impregnating a Stoneskin spell within it, cast at the caster's level.
When anyone attempts to eat the Muffin (or other grain product), upon the first bite the Muffin will attack that person, gaining automatic surprise.
The Muffin will attack as a monster with as many hit dice as the caster has levels.
The Muffin has variable hit points - roll normally for each hit dice, but always use d8s for hit points for the muffin.
The Muffin will attempt to force it's way into the victim's mouth.
The Muffin has an 18 strength for this purpose, and the victim may attempt to stop entry by an opposed Strength Check.
If the Muffin fails, it will scuttle around the victim, biting at him for 1 - 8 points of damage per round.
If the Muffin succeeds in getting into the victim's mouth, the victim loses ALL armor bonuses to AC, shield bonuses, dexterity bonuses, and bonuses from magical cloaks and bracers.
Bonuses to AC for Rings of Protection remain.
The Muffin also gains a further + 4 to attacks.
The Muffin, if successful in it's attacks, does 1 - 8 points of damage per attack.
The Muffin, once inside the victim's mouth, is not easy to pull out, since it will blockade attempts to wrap one's fingers around it.
The Muffin gets Attacks of Opportunity against anyone attempting to pull it out, one attack per person making the attempt. Those trying to pull it out lose all AC bonuses as per above, and they must make an Opposed Strength Check to succeed (against the Muffin's 18 strength), and may combine their Strength for this purpose.
If two people attempt to pull the Muffin out, the victim sustains 1 point of damage each round as two hands and the muffin fight it out in his mouth.
If three people attempt to pull the Muffin out, the victim sustains 1 - 6 points of damage per round, every round, as his mouth is overstuffed with assorted hands and muffin.
If four people attempt to pull the Muffin out, the victim sustains 2 - 20 points of damage per round.
If five people attempt to pull the Muffin out, the victim sustains 4 - 40 points of damage per round, and must make a fortitude save or suffer brain damage (lose 1 to 4 points of Intelligence and go into a coma.)
If six people attempt to pull the Muffin out, the victim sustains 10 - 100 points of damage, and must make a Fortitude Save or die, and if he makes that, he must make a Fortitude save, or suffer brain damage as per above.
Please note that IF the opposed Strength Check fails, that particular person trying to pull the Muffin out, CANNOT make another attempt - unless a second person comes to his aid.
If two people attempt to pull the Muffin out, and fail, they may not try again - unless a third person comes to their aid.
If three people attempt to pull the Muffin out, and fail, they may not try again - unless a fourth person comes to their aid.
And so on.
Once the Muffin has - while in the victim's mouth - done 50 points of damage to him, the victim must make a Fortitude save or die.
If the Fortitude save succeeds, the victim is still alive, but the Muffin has forced it's way down the victim's throat into his stomach.
Muffins hate stomachs.
Here is the heart of evil, to them.
Here is the wretched, horrid place where all Muffins are sent to die, and all their brother and sister grains go to perish.
The Muffin attacks the stomach with relentless fury.
A Ring of Protection will continue to aid the victim against this assault, but the Muffin's bonus to attack increases to + 8.
An attack that damages the victim may or may not harm the Muffin.
Fireball will have no effect, for instance. The victim's body will shield the Muffin from the attack.
Lightning Bolt, which penetrates flesh, will harm the Muffin along with the victim, but the Muffin is entitled to a saving throw at this spell's caster's level.
Disintegrate will, of course, affect the Muffin - if it also affects the victim.
Prismatic Spray and other Prismatic Magic will affect the Muffin, if the victim is affected also.
Dispel Magic will affect the Muffin only if there is no magic between the caster and the Muffin, such as magical armor or a cloak of protection worn by the victim.
Mordenkainen's Disjunction will destroy the Muffin, along with most of the victim's magical items of course.
If the Muffin kills the victim, it will promptly begin devouring him from within, until stomach, intestines, and all parts of the body involved in the eating process are gone.
The ravenous Muffin will complete this procedure in 1 - 6 rounds.
The Muffin will be fully Regenerated (as per the spell) by this process, and it's Stoneskin replenished, as it avenges it's brethren upon the victim's body.
The Muffin, delirious with delight, will then exit the victim, and head for the nearest kitchen (it will magically know where this is) or other place where it can hide itself among other, more ordinary muffins.
There, it will wait, quiescient and undetectable (except for the usual magical means) until the next victim is served up this killer Muffin.
The Muffin can wait 1 day per level of the caster, to attack a second victim. If a second victim does not attempt to eat the Muffin is this amount of time, the magic of the spell fades and the Muffin reverts to a mundane food product.
If a second victim is ensnared, the one day per level process is reset, granting the Muffin plenty of time for a third victim to try to eat it, and suffer the fate of the first two who tried.
The process will reset indefinitely. As long as people keep trying to eat that muffin, the spell will last and sustain it, and the muffin will do EVERYTHING in it's power (consider it to have an intelligence equal to it's caster's) to create a situation where someone is tricked into trying to bite into it.
If the muffin is reduced to 0 hit points, the spell ends.
