[OT] My 30th birthday

[Ashwyn]

My sympathies to you. I lost my grandpa (who raised me from birth) when I was 17. It is never easy, whatever your age. He also had cancer, and he died on my sister's birthday. She was 14 then. She had an extremely hard time with it, and felt that she couldn't have any kind of a celebration for her birthday, even a year later, because it would be disrespectful. I haven't spoken to her in a while, but perharps I could ask her how she deals with it and pass that information along to you. I can't really think of anything else to say, except take your time and don't rush the grieving process.

 

[MerricB]

I'd like to thank you all very much for your thoughts. I was intending to thank you all a few days earlier than I have, but events intervened.

Events? Well, someone lit a bushfire on our access road. It burnt through our phone line (and my internet access), but we were very lucky indeed - the wind was blowing the right way and it didn't come towards our house. Instead it jumped the road and went down the slope.

It did mean we were without the phone for about a week; not good when we were planning the funeral and otherwise dealing with our grief.

I spoke at the funeral, saying the things that I thought should be said. I think a few other people thought they should be said as well, given what people told me afterwards. I'm glad I could say them.

Christmas was odd. I don't want another one like it, thank you very much. (No, next time it will be worse, as I'm likely to be all alone. At least I was there for my father, and he was there for me, and my brother and his wife were also there for part of it).

Still, life goes on. I've got this new game of Carcassonne I'll show to my friends this afternoon... then there's some D&D to play.

Best wishes to you all!

 

[Mark]

Christmas was odd. I don't want another one like it, thank you very much. (No, next time it will be worse, as I'm likely to be all alone.

Certainly you could be there with your brother and family next Christmas, but you might consider teaming up with a buddy, who might also be alone most holidays, and doing some traveling next holiday season. *shrug*

In any event, glad to have you back and I hope your troubles fade somewhat with time.

 

[William Ronald]

MerricB,

My condolences on your loss.

If it helps, I have found that the pain of a parent's death fades with time and the good memories dominate. (My father died seven years ago. While I miss him, I remember his sense of humor and his love.) I hope that the pain will diminish and that the memory of your mother will be a source of strength for you in the days to come.

 

[Trevalon Moonleirion]

My deepest sympathies.

 

[Tisvon]

My condolences.

 

[Larry Fitz]

Merric,

I know you're feeling out of sorts right now (I'm not psychic, it was in your post). Something that may help is introducing your peer group (the people on this board) to your mother. I've always enjoyed reading your posts because you have a fluid writing style, did this come from her do you think? How did the traveling she had to do affect her outlook on life do you think? What is life like for a woman raising a family in that part of Australia? The answers to these questions would interest many of us I think, and sharing the things you admired about her (apart from just the fact that she was your mom, though that is certainly enough) may help put the memories into a clearer perspective for you and take some of the bite away. Finally by this you may help all of us too. i'll betthere are plenty of people on these boards that saw their mom on wednesday and felt relieved that they don't have to go through that again tillthe next birthday/holiday/anniversary etc. I think the poignancy of your loss may help them appreciate what they stilll have, I know I'm going to either call or stop by my mom's place tomorrow, and I wouldn't have done that if not for your reminder, so it's already working.

Larry Fitzgerald

 

[Maldur]

My sympathy as well.

Good luck MerricB!

 

[Drawmack]

My deepest condolances Merric,

Just remember that for a parent to die before a child is the natural order of things but for a child to die before a parent is not. Maybe you could be there for your grandparents pulling those childhood stories of you mom that you've heard thousands of times out of them and finding new joy in them with your parents. Remember pain shared is halved while pain held is doubled.

 

[Kesho]

My deepest sympathies and prayers to you, Merric...

I share your loss as someone who has lost both father and mother in the last 5 years.

Peace,
KWH