[Humor] Rumor off the presses! Rumor off the presses!
I just nabbed a new rumor off an anonymous writer of the Perils of Gor d20 sourcebook! This is on character creation.
(Disclaimer: This is obviously humorous in nature. Do not take offense at anything within this editorial. I apologize if this sounds trollish.)
Chapter 1: Character Creation
Men roll 4d6 and subtract the lowest die. Repeat SIX times for seven scores. Put them in the following: Strength, Dexterity, Constitution, Intelligence, Wisdom, Charisma, and Comeliness. The last score is physical attractiveness.
Men do whatever with their scores and follow via the PHB. (Comeliness has no other use.) Females do as follows:
Women roll 3d6 three times and 4d6 four times. (Leave the 3d6s alone; drop the lowest die on the 4d6s.) The 3d6s are only for Strength, Dexterity, and Constitution; the other four are for the other four attributes.
Then, apply the following penalties:
The average female cannot lift even 50 pounds over her head – meaning that they should get a –4 penalty to their Strength score. Also, subtract 25% from their maximum carrying capacity.
When was the last time you saw a woman out-hand-to-hand someone based on her reflexes? –4 to their Dex score.
Because it is also obvious, women should get a penalty to Constitution. HOWEVER, they have the same vital organs compared to men, so they get no penalty to their Constitution score. But their Fortitude saves and Constitution checks for extended strenuous action (like running, holding your breath, etc.) get a –4 penalty. They also get –2 HP/level because they are always fragile. (This cannot reduce HP for gaining a level below 1. Gor still needs women!)
Women smarter than men? Then where are the female versions of Einstein or the like? And why aren’t there many female jack (or Jill) of-all-trades out there? –2 to their Intelligence score.
Dumb blonde syndrome and the fact that many women have a tendency of doing foolish things? –2 to Wisdom.
Women always use attractiveness over persuasion. Or, attractiveness magnifies their (lack of) persuasion. Why do we not have major female leaders (besides the ones who gain it by inheritance)? –2 to Charisma-related activities. Do NOT reduce their Charisma score.
HOWEVER, Gor society does enforce attractive women. +4 to a woman’s comeliness score (minimum: 14). Those raiders need some sort of incentive!
Female base speed is 20 ft. If they have a medium or heavy load, they can’t charge or run. (Okay, females can’t charge, period.)
Women get the Commoner class (no other choice – even if she “learns” to fight) and get a d1 Hit Die. Experience Points are given the same way as depicted in the PHB, but since they suck at fighting, it would be harder for them to gain levels. Obviously, they cannot multiclass.
Since women receive little or no education, they get 4 skill points at 1st-level and 1 skill point each level thereafter. All skills are cross-class.
Women only get gold/items only with male consent.
Women can only gain work or seduction-related feats (there are none in the PHB, except for Skill Focus). More to come in a later editorial (No, not really).
Women are not allowed to wear any armor except for chainmail bikinis. Or leather. Neither can give AC or Dex bonuses to AC. When was the last time a woman wore any practical armor?
Women cannot use weapons larger than them (except the quarterstaff). Furthermore, they cannot use double weapons or any martial or exotic weapon that is not light. Pick one up and you chop your toe off and die. Any simple weapon (including unarmed) a woman uses gets a –8 proficiency penalty, and martial or exotic weapons will NEVER hit except on a natural 20 (no crit rolls). All weapons wielded by a woman deals –8 damage (to a minimum of 0). I mean, when was the last time you saw a woman wield an orc double-axe, or a warhammer in Gor?
Finally, a woman cannot adventure without some male “protecting” her, and forcing her to follow every one of his whims lest she get killed. In that case, if you are playing a female character, you should stop playing right now, for you have to do everything the male says because the male will kill you otherwise. GAME OVER. You’re done with Gor. Now, play a male, or play the egalitarian, more fun D&D 3e system!