Piratecat's Updated Story Hour! (update 4/03 and 4/06)

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mythago

Hero
How to achieve maximum SAN loss while reading Story Hour:

Normally while I am catching up with Piratecat's story hour, I'm listening to MP3s over my headphones. Today, I got to the tale of the epic defense against the ghould army just as my MusicMatch playlist rolled over to the Moulin Rouge! song "Because We Can."

So now I'm stuck with the mental image of a vast cave in the Underdark filled with rotting goblinoids, all dressed in 19th-century top hat and tails finery, stomping and shouting and dancing to the strains of Fatboy Slim as a mustachoied Kellharin cheers them on. And then a six-armed snake demoness is lowered from the ceiling on a glittering trapeze.

Eeeeverybody CAN CAN!
 

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Piratecat

Sesquipedalian
Oooh, multimedia!

Here's something to hold you over. Almost 2 months ago on (what for me is) page 8 of this thread, right after the fight with Sluuth, The Ghoul Once Known As Kellharin (aka the Puppeteer, or T'Gokak) paid them another visit in the Calphas' Comfortable Castle. At the time, Henry said,

Henry on 9/5/02 said:


I would have given my right ear to hear Piratecat RP'ing this part... :)

Well, I just happen to have a shortage of ears, and it's Halloween, and Blackjack agreed to help. Once again, want to hear T'Gokak speak? Your wish is granted! Note: the 200K mp3 file is 15 seconds long, but it thinks it's 5 seconds. If you only get a third of it for some reason, download it to your local PC and try again. It ends with the word "offering."

I still haven't decided whether this is goofy, or fun, or just goofy fun. But I'll try to do occasional choice NPCs now and again, to give you an idea of what folks might sound like. :)
 
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Piratecat

Sesquipedalian
“I’m not sure we can open the vault right now,” Velendo says cautiously. The dwarf looks at him with concerned, twinkling eyes. The more perceptive members of the party notices a hardness in the gaze, a savage hunger that is barely constrained. It flickers somewhere deep inside, sizing up Velendo in the same way a glutton might size up a plump roast rabbit.

Nolin picks up Velendo’s lead, grabbing the lie and embroidering it skillfully. “We simply don’t have the right spells prepared. We expected to open the vault tomorrow. I’m sorry; I know you’re eager for the treasures to be in the proper hands, but there’s nothing we can do.” He shrugs apologetically. Oathenor the dwarf grunts, glares, and then sighs.

“Well, it’s lasted this long.” He pats the vault door fondly, if a bit too hard. “I’m glad my people made this sort of door to last.” Sure you are, thinks Velendo, but keeps his mouth shut.

The group turns to leave the unstable hall, picking their way carefully through a maze of rubble. “We’re going to go rest in our extradimensional fortress,” says Velendo. “You’re welcome to join us, but I’ll warn you that as a matter of course we subject any visitors to a barrage of detection spells. We don’t want you to be offended.”

Oathenor seems to consider the offer, stroking his long beard in a most dwarfly manner. “You’re kind to let me know. I don’t take with all that magical business; I’m a simple hunter, and don’t like people peering at me with magic.” He gives no sign whether or not he knows of Malachite’s, Agar’s or Tao’s magical detection spells. He nods his head in finality. “I suppose I’ll sleep out in the cavern, then. The city can’t be too dangerous, what with all the undead missing.”

Or what with you being a big honking dragon able to eat anything dangerous, thinks Velendo over the mind link. Thank Calphas he’s staying out.

In the tumbled cavern outside of the palace, Velendo creates a Calphas’s Comfortable Castle, and then seals the whole group inside a sovereign wall. Since some of the Defenders still don’t entirely trust the pessimistic deep gnome Priggle, he’s left outside of the Castle, sleeping on the stone and keeping watch from inside the wall. Everyone else troops inside the extradimensional haven.

Glibstone’s bells ring defiantly. “What did you mean, cutting me off like that and then lying? Why, that was a fine –”

Malachite interrupts him. “It was a dragon, polymorphed to look like a dwarf.”

Nolin interjects gleefully. “And I bluffed it!”

Glibstone stops dead in mid-sentence. “A… dragon?”

Tao nods. “A big one. I didn’t recognize the type. Brown and rock-like, with gem-like eyes and teeth…” She examines the dwarf. “Teeth about the size of your body.”

Nolin is still talking to the group, although no one is listening. “A dragon! And I lied to it! It had no idea!” He grins in self-satisfaction and blows on his fingernails before polishing them on his tunic. “Go, me.”

The dwarven loremaster gulps, and his jester bells begin to jingle again slightly, this time out of fear. “I know a joke about dragons…” he hesitantly begins.

“Not now,” interrupts Malachite curtly.

“That explains it, then.” Splinder speaks up from the corner, a mug of dark beer already gripped in one fist. “One of my boys found a niche under some boulders. A bit of miscellaneous treasure was scattered there: loose coins, silver spoons, odds and ends like that. Sounds like a makeshift hoard while he’s away from home.”

“What’s the difference between a madhouse and an adventuring group?” jingle

Galthia, who has been listening in silence, speaks up. “Do we fight it? Or ally with it?”

Velendo sinks down with his head in his hands. “We’re so doomed,” he complains to no one in particular. “A dragon! We can’t fight a dragon! It’ll kick our ass.” Across the room, Tao snorts in derision. Velendo looks up and focuses on her. “You saw it. How big was it?”

jingle jingle “Magic swords.”

Tao gestures with one arm. “Maybe 40, 50’ long not including the tail. I couldn’t get a good look.” Velendo groans again, shaking his head, and Nolin grins.

“Well, let’s see what we can find out about the thing, huh? Maybe we don’t have to fight it after all.”

They spend a few hours discussing strategy. Tao posits that the dragon might be a divine agent of some kind, since it showed a mix of divine and arcane spell ability to Agar’s arcane sight. No real conclusions are reached, although Splinder discerns a number of interesting and effective battle strategies. Later that evening, both Tao and Velendo prepare commune spells. One after another they cast them, trying to learn whatever they can.

1. Do we have any realistic hope of defeating the dragon in combat tomorrow?"
YES.

2. Is Acid the damage-dealing agent of its primary breath weapon?
YES.

3. Does it have another type of elemental attack it often uses in combat, that we can protect ourselves from?"
YES.

4. Is that type of elemental attack "Cold?"
NO.

5. Is it Fire?
NO.

6. Is it Sonic?
NO.

7. Is it Electricity?
NO.


“What the hell? That’s all of them!” complains Velendo.

“Could we be forgetting any?” asks Agar.

“No. I’ve got to think that Calphas won’t give me any misleading answers.”

Tao scratches her chin. “What if it’s something like water? That’s an elemental attack, but it isn’t one of those. Maybe it’s going to flood the place and drown us.” Velendo looks doubtful.

“I suppose. Let’s go on.”

8. Does the dragon know that we know it's a dragon? The whole group holds its breath, waiting for the answer.
YES.

“Crap!” someone groans. “There goes the element of surprise.”

Tao fixes Nolin with a sarcastic glare. "You bluffed it, huh?"

Nolin looks offended. "Don't blame me. Blame Velendo. He's a lousy liar."

9. Is there is treasure within the Mrid vault that could significantly increase our chances of breaking the spine of the White Kingdom?
YES.
The group perks up at this.

10. Left by itself, would the dragon eventually figure out a way into the treasure vault?
UNKNOWN.

11. Could the dragon be trusted to honor any deal it might make with us?
NO.
Everyone groans.

12. Was the dragon displaced from its former home by undead forces?
NO.

13. Is the dragon currently working with or for undead forces?
YES.
Everyone groans louder. “Double crap!” spits Nolin.

14. Did this dragon observe the sack of Mrid from a distance and then move in to take the treasure once it was done?
YES.

15. Are there likely consequences of destroying this dragon that are worse than those we'd incur by letting it live?
UNKNOWN.

16. Is Priggle working for or with any of our enemies?
NO.

17. Does the dragon intend to attack us the moment we emerge from the Comfortable Castle and Sovereign Wall?
NO.

18. Is the Dragon going to receive help from non-summoned or Gated forces during the attack?
YES.

19. Are those reinforcements undead?
NO.

20. Is the dragon going to hide overnight and launch a surprise attack when we emerge in the morning?
YES.

21. Does the dragon intend to wait until we open the Vault before attacking?
UNKNOWN.

22. Does the dragon think we pose a serious threat to its life?
YES.


“Crap, crap, crap!”

Galthia frowns. “Do your Gods ever deliver any good news?”

23. Does the dragon believe we will launch a pre-emptive strike upon it?
YES.

24. Will the dragon have any means of escape that would be blocked by a Dimensional Anchor?
YES.

25. Would a successful Dispel Magic significantly reduce the dragon's abilities in combat?
YES.

26. Does the dragon intend to Summon a powerful creature or creatures to help fight us?
YES.

27. Is the dragon a Divine Agent?
NO.


Glibstone speaks up. “Hrrrm. Perhaps I ought to wait here tomorrow morning. In case it can read my mind and learn how to open the vault itself, I mean.”

“That’s a fine idea,” Velendo decides. “Good thinking.” Glibstone looks embarrassed, especially with the looks of derision being aimed at him by Splinder’s troops, but he seems much more relieved.

“Well, that’s it,” announces Nolin as he grabs a soft towel and heads for the baths. “Unless that dragon is actually a polymorphed fluffy bunny, I’m out of here.”

To be continued….
 
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Piratecat

Sesquipedalian
In this game, Bandeeto played Splinder the Dwarven Defender, and Plane Sailing breathed life into Priggle the svirfneblin scout.

Once the group has divine assurance that Priggle is not inadvertently working for an enemy, Velendo opens the door and invites him into the Castle in order to brief him. “It figures,” Priggle says morosely while leaning on his gnomish pick. “Dragon probably spends his time eating deep gnomes. Never get a break, do we?”

The Defenders exchange a look and try to change the subject. “Indeed. You know anything about dragons around here?”

Priggle looks even more pessimistic as he considers the question. “Not dragons. A kobold city a few weeks from here had a civil war about three years ago. According to rumor, the old King was forced into exile. I dunno where; Klixxit hasn’t shown himself since. If he had, we would have found him. My people still have quite a few scores to settle with him.

“The old King was forced out by someone calling himself Dragonking. Dragonking Oathenor, I think it is. Blasted kobolds are full of ideas and self-importance, not that it stops them from raiding our gem mines. We’re always the ones what get the brunt of any changes down here in the underdark.” He frowns.

“Oathenor?” asks Nolin, surprised. “Same name. It might be that the Dragonking is a real dragon.”

Mara leans back, looking nervous. “Oh, good.”

Nolin frowns as something stirs in his mind. "Oh cripes. I do remember something I heard from one of the gnomes back in Eversink. If this dragon is the same as the kobold king, he's supposed to be able to walk through stone." Everyone stares at him, appalled.

Sleep is fitful. The group awakens early, prepares spells, and discusses strategy. Priggle describes the layout of the ruined palace.

“For crying out loud,” complains Velendo, “we’re walking right into a death trap! I hate the idea of fighting the dragon by walking in and springing his trap.”

“Nothing more we can do,” says Malachite tersely. “We might as well get to it.”

Priggle has to argue with the group before they agree to let him scout ahead. They finally agree, figuring he probably won’t do much harm. Priggle and Velendo are the first to leave the safety of the Castle.

“Hssst!” hisses Priggle over his mind link. “There’s a kobold about 100 feet thataway. Richly dressed. Scratching itself. Looks nervous.”

“Really? A kobold?” Velendo strains his eyes, but can’t see it.

“It’s coming this way! I could kill it?”

“Not yet. Let’s see what it has to say.” As Velendo summons Nolin and Agar, Priggle fades backwards into the darkness, blending with rock so that the kobold hopefully won’t notice him. The little lizard-like creature walks forward confidently to the edge of the invisible wall. Adjusting his purple and fur robes and waving a golden scepter, the kobold makes a bold pronouncement… which, unfortunately, no one can hear because of the wall.

“Hang. On,” mimes Nolin, and Velendo dismisses the magical effect. Seemingly unrattled, the kobold starts over. As he does, Priggle slides around behind him and disappears into the gloom. Silently, Agar checks the kobold for magical auras, and finds almost none.

“I am Thurmiap!” announces the kobold in a squeaky voice, speaking in accented draconic. “I am the herald for the Dragonking! Lo, I am his emissary made flesh, and his eyes and ears, and you will obey me as you would him. My flesh is his, and an insult to me is an insult to him.” He smiles toothily. “You may make me the proper obeisance.”

The three Defenders ignore the suggestion. “Greetings Thurmiap, Emissary of the Dragonking Oathenor. Where is his Majesty?”

The richly dressed kobold straightens his back and gestures with his scepter. “He does not wish to expose himself to your expected treachery. Instead, I shall pick out his share of the treasure. You shall show me proper honor, or you shall be rent limb from limb and all of your share will be forfeit. Shall we go now and open the vault?”

Nolin rolls his eyes and translates, and Velendo answers. “We are waiting for our spellcasters to finish preparing the appropriate magics. Without those, we can’t get that vault open. We’ll have to wait for a bit.”

“Hrmmmm. Very well.” The kobold stands and stares at them, even as Priggle’s mental reports filter in.

“The passage is still very congested. Some of this stuff would make nasty deadfalls. I’m coming up on… oh my, lots more rubble in the former temple. I’ll just climb… humph. The room has been excavated. Looks like the dragon wants room to maneuver in. There’s a new pillar on one side, holding up the ceiling – which probably isn’t all that safe. And the wall on the left has been carved out, dug behind, and rebuilt. There’s probably something behind it. Yes. For one thing, there’s darkness leaking out from one of the cracks.”

“You can tell all that?”
thinks Velendo. A mental snort of long-suffering, strained patience comes back to him.

“I’m a svirfneblin. Not that you know what that means. No sign of the dragon, but it’s certainly around here somewhere, maybe in the darkness behind that wall. I’m coming back. As far as I can tell, it isn’t going to attack us in the corridors; it probably wants us to get the vault open first.”

Malachite, Mara and the other Defenders emerge as Priggle returns. The thirty dwarven troops arrange themselves in small strike teams, each group ordered to protect a particular hero in the thick of battle. Only Glibstone stays behind.

“Tell the dragon we’re going nowhere until he shows himself,” orders Malachite.

The kobold boggles at his harsh tone. “He takes no orders from the like of you,” Thurmiap replies. “You will treat me as you would treat him, or else you will die.” A slow smile spreads across Malachite’s face.

“All right.”

The group cautiously picks its way towards the vault, every sense tingling as they await a possible ambush. As they approach the former temple to Moradin and the room with the vault door, everyone begins to appreciate the thoroughness of Priggle’s scouting. From the floor 30’ below, even Velendo and Splinder have trouble telling that the ceiling has been weakened. One by one, the heroes filter their way into the room.

“Well?” demands Thurmiap. “Open! Open!”

In cooperation, Velendo begins casting – and creates a flexible wall, stretching the magical barrier to entirely block the lefthand wall and arcing it over his head like an umbrella, about ten feet below the ceiling. As he does so, the little kobold cries out, “Treachery!”

The stone wall to the left smashes outwards, hit by something big behind it. The flexible wall holds, and more Defenders spin with weapons out. Then the horrible sound of snapping stone echoes through the chamber, and the ceiling above their heads shatters and collapses like an avalanche on top of the heroes.

It’s stopped dead by the flexible wall. Visible through the rubble that seemingly hangs in mid-air are four tremendous claws. The dragon was hiding above the ceiling, expecting to bury them in a ceiling collapse before attacking. A horrible roar echoes through the room, and fear spills forth along with choking dust.

Priggle looks up at the blocked stone and the force wall. “Nice work,” he comments. Then the dragon snakes a long, flexible neck around the edge of the flexible wall, coughs horribly, and vomits flesh-corrosive acid over most of the group.

Thurmiap dissolves immediately, flesh bubbling, but the Defenders are completely untouched; preventative spells have shielded them entirely from acid. Oathenor doesn’t much seem to care. A huge smile crosses his rocky, reptilian face, he seems to wink one gem-like eye… and in an instant, his massive stony bulk is transformed entirely into living metal.

Mara recognizes the spell. “Iron body!” she shouts, and as soon as Nolin hastes her she activates her own iron body necklace and flies towards the dragon. Only Oathenor’s head is really close enough to hit, the remainder of his long body is still above her head and protected by Velendo’s wall. “You’re mine,” mutters Mara as she lifts Lightbinder and soars in. As she does so, the dragon uses its reach to attack her first. Its head snaps forward….

It uses its blade-like teeth to forcibly rip the +5 mace from her gauntleted hand….

And it swallows Mara’s weapon.

Silence fills the room. Mara hovers there, shocked. “You swallowed my weapon!” she says in disbelief. She uses her momentum to shield bash the dragon, ineffectually.

Again, Oathenor smiles, this time grinning with teeth like iron swords. It’s clearly having fun. ”WHO’S NEXT?

To be continued….
 
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Sagiro

Rodent of Uncertain Parentage
I just wanted to note that most of the "Mad-Lib" has already been filled in at this point:

The Dragon was certainly dismayed to find that we had foiled its original plan with a flexible wall, but no more than we were when we discovered the Dragon could easily divest us of our powerful magical weapons.

The horrified expression on Mara's player's face when the Dragon decided to eat her mace "Lightbinder" was utterly priceless. And I'm sure we all had that look when about half-way through the battle the Dragon suddenly [particularly rat-bastard-y detail still pending].

-Sagiro
 

Plane Sailing

Astral Admin - Mwahahaha!
Ah, this brings it all back to me!

You wouldn't *believe* the look of shock on Mara's players face when it swallowed her mace! It was absolutely priceless!

Priggle had a hard job getting the defenders to start to trust him.
But what do you expect if you're a Svirfneblin, eh? Nothing good, that's for sure. Don't mind me, I'll just do the little I can and hope to survive, not that its likely, I mean, we're bound to die anyway right? Huh, those big people :(


(nb my responsibility for the improved disarm came in the RBDM club, long before I knew I was going to actually *be* here. Naturally my part in -that- planning wasn't revealed until the *very end* of the evening :) )

Ooo, this is going to be good!
 

Kodiak

First Post
Plane Sailing said:

You wouldn't *believe* the look of shock on Mara's players face when it swallowed her mace! It was absolutely priceless!


That wasn't just any mace. It was my +5 Holy Avenger mace "Lightbinder", enhanced by Aeos himself when he surrounded Malachite and myself with his holy energy when he appeared all wroth while whatever celestial battle took place between himself and Imbindarla (we think), who had been deceiving him regarding "Sir Ghouleax". I also had never scored a critical hit with the mace (except once, when the victim died from the hit itself), and wanted to know what its special effect was.

I loved that mace. I also knew Kevin was Rat-Bastardey enough to destroy it, since he dissolved Galthea's staff of disruption during our recent battle with an acidic black pudding inside the comfy castle. That same battle had damaged Lightbinder, so I knew Lightbinder was suspectible to acid.

And that dragon was full of acid.

How would I ever explain to Aeos?

--Mara
 
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Elemental

Explorer
If I were you, I'd be more worried about this:

“Not dragons. A kobold city a few weeks from here had a civil war about three years ago. According to rumor, the old King was forced into exile. I dunno where; Klixxit hasn’t shown himself since. If he had, we would have found him. My people still have quite a few scores to settle with him."
 

Piratecat

Sesquipedalian
Let's answer some questions!

Jon Potter said:
If the dragon were:

a) half-elemental (earth)

or

b) an elemental Savant (earth)

then it would explain a bunch of little clues that PC has left strewn about...

*BING BING BING*! Give Mister Potter two points, and everyone please meet Oathenor, half-elemental (earth) deep dragon. I've just posted his stats right here for everyone other than my players. Hey, where is elemental savant from?

No spoilers yet on how they got the mace. It isn't what you think - although KidCthulhu certainly considered using her ring of incontinence, it wouldn't have worked while the iron body was up. This is an absolute shame.
 
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KidCthulhu

First Post
To put all your suspense at rest, no, the rescue of Lightbinder does not involve the Ring of Incontence. Sorry. I thought about it, but Nolin doesn't want to be a one trick pony.

None of us thought of the Iron Body/can't swallow thing. Shame, really. We really miss Dr. Rictus' tummy sometimes.

As for Malachite's timing, what you're seeing is the bleed over that happens when a very wry, very funny player has to play a straight man. It's fun to watch him bite his lip and not say the sarcastic thing!

Welcome, Kodiak. Glad you're finally here.
 

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