[Player Advice] How to keep the group focussed?

[blargney the second]

I just played last night and I ended up leaving a bit disappointed. My group often drifts off topic, out of character, and just about anywhere except towards the game. If their conversations were about anything or anybody I personally knew, it would probably be less dull for me. As it is, I'm left a little high and dry. It's not just the players - the DM does it as well.

How can I approach them about this? I'm not getting quite what I want out of the group, but I don't want to spoil their fun either.

-blarg

 

[Thanee]

Tell them?

Bye
Thanee

 

[blargney the second]

Tell them?

*grin*

You're right, of course! This thread is a way for me to organize my thoughts so I can vocalize it better. English is my main language, but my friends mainly speak French. It's much harder for me to express myself in French, so I'll be in a better position to represent my interests if I work it out beforehand.

In the past, I have tried to talk to them about the problem. When my concerns failed to be addressed to my satisfaction, I stopped playing for about 3 years. The typical response is "We're here to have a good time, so as long as we're having fun it doesn't matter what we're doing."

I agree with them to a certain extent, but at the same time, I can only game once every 3-4 weeks! I want to *game* when I'm there! I don't mind just hanging out for its own sake, but if I'm allocating a valuable Saturday night for RPGing, then I want to do that activity!

-blarg

 

[dreaded_beast]

I understand exactly how you feel. I recently left a gaming group of 4 years or so, because I wasn't getting what I wanted out of the group. In the end, in my opinion and within the context of a DND gaming group, if you are not getting what you want, then why stick around? This is your time and energy that you are sacrificing to play DND. Your job is not to make sacrifices and lessen your own fun to make sure that others are enjoying the game, but to make sure you have fun without infringing upon everyone else's definition of fun, within the context of playing DND.

Don't be like me and spend 2 or more years gaming with a group that you don't really like and always leave feeling the way you felt previous session.

While I believe the best thing to do is probably talk to them, that may not always work.

In my opinion, I believe this is a case of different playing styles. Some people get together strictly to play DND, while others get together to play DND and socialize.

For myself becoming friends and socializing with my fellow gamers is always a plus, but in the end, it always comes down to "I came to play DND". If my main concern at the time was socializing or hanging-out, then I would probably find some other social activity to do at the moment instead of playing DND.

 

[wocky]

Are you attempting to manager your time together?

In my group we almost have a schedule. We meet somewhere between 7pm and 8pm in a comic book shop where one of the players works. We leave with him at closing time (8pm) and chat all the way to another guy's house, where we have dinner before playing. We start playing at around 10pm, and we've had more than a chance to catch up by then... that allows us to keep quite focused on in-game events. If anyone drifts, we quickly steer everyone's attention back at gaming.

If your groups is not acknowledging the need to have some friendly conversation, it might get in the way of gaming. If you try to accomodate some time for free chat, it might get less in the way of gaming. YMMV.

 

[Painfully]

Some groups value their game time more than others, is all I can say. When you find the right one, the game will roll smoothly and match the pace of excitement more often than not.

Remember that if you do talk to your group (and you certainly should), that what you will be asking them to do is to break a long formed habit. That's not something that can happen in a single session. Ask your DM to provide encouragement with a reward system (XP rewards are better than XP penalties). Good luck!

Currently, I've come up with enough resistance in my group that I'm not going to push the matter further. It's disappointing actually, moreso because I've had immense success when I DM'd my "newbies" group, while my current group shows no intentions of improving.

 

[Crothian]

it's tough, I had a six hour session where we got like a third done then we should have becasue of players not really in the mood I guess. It was less then fun.

 

[blargney the second]

dreaded_beast: Yup, that sounds very similar to where I've been with these guys. I just have to figure out how to represent myself without coming across as wanting to ruin their fun. If they can't accomodate me, there's always the break point, as you say.

wocky: We actually do plan for a fair amount of non-RPG stuff on game nights. There's the obligatory hour of Mario Kart, going to a restaurant for dinner together, and popping over to the corner store for snacks at the mid-game break. Simply hanging out is so well-included in the schedule that it sometimes feels like they look for any excuse to not roleplay.

Painfully: That's great advice! I hadn't considered the 'long-standing habit' aspect of the problem, and you're absolutely right. I'll talk to the DM about the problem, and if he seems amenable I'll ask him to implement some sort of reward system.

Crothian: You have my sympathy!

-blarg

 

[eris404]

I just played last night and I ended up leaving a bit disappointed. My group often drifts off topic, out of character, and just about anywhere except towards the game. If their conversations were about anything or anybody I personally knew, it would probably be less dull for me. As it is, I'm left a little high and dry. It's not just the players - the DM does it as well.

How can I approach them about this? I'm not getting quite what I want out of the group, but I don't want to spoil their fun either.

-blarg

Our group does go off topic quite a bit and I am just as guilty as anyone. Usually one person will gently prod the group ("OK, guys, back to the game!") and we will quickly get back on topic.

Just out of curiosity, how long and how well do you know the other players? Your post made it seem like you were the "new guy." Sometimes getting together outside of the game night to do other things (go to the movies, whatever) helps, but not always.

Not that I advocate "ganging up" or causing rifts in groups, but can you tell if anyone else feels the same way in your group, even moderately? Sometimes having someone to back you up helps, so you don't feel like the odd man out.

 

[Ferrix]

yeah, my gaming group back home occasionally has the drifting problem (and i am part of it), but since we're usually a small crew when i'm around it's not a big deal when you play for 8 hours. although, there are times when we play said 8 hours with barely any interruptions (eating food at the temple, little chit chat) and it's a lot of fun. i've recently realized as a DM the best thing to do to keep players in to it, is to set up the game with their help (i.e. talk with them on what they want to play style/setting/rules wise). It seems that is normally the game drifter starting point usually for most games i've run.

as a player, i think the best thing to do is to a) talk to the people and the dm, b) personally try to guide it back to the game with enthusiasm not nagging (you want to get in game and have fun, not guys let's get back to the game), c) realize it'll take some time.

I'd game with you if i was around in the summer but, maybe next year we can set something up together to get a group going if this ends up not working out for you.