Exactly. And, if someone didn't want to play a 'realistic' version of the character, and therefore didn't want penalties, I wouldn't penalize them. The game is meant to be fun, and, for some people, fun can be found in the pursuit of realism, which, at my table at least, is only imposed when its inoffensive to the fun of the player, except in ridiculous circumstances.
I can definitely get behind that.
My group just pushes down a little harder on the realism side of the scales than that and as a result would simply not ask that person to play (if they wouod be bothered). We'd still be friends with them but we'd view it as a sign that probably would generalize to other scenarios of realism. My group is basically the "bullet proof to offense" type and as a result such an individual would actually weigh our group down.
Not every play style is for everyone. BUT that doesnt automatically make some playstyles misogynous.
And there needs to be dms who remove distressing content. Because for some people instead of adding fun distressing content takes it away.
But people need to start realising that their preferences dont have some weird sort of pseudo-religious purity/sanctity and just let people play the game the way they want to without whinging at them.
For example, I wouldn't mind waiving penalties for pregnancy, but I would mind waiving penalties for disease, or waiving the inability of players to do what is actually impossible.
This is one reason i LOVE the modularity inherent to d&d (3 and 3.5 having the lion's share of that particular quality). You CAN split hairs! And it generally causes no problems! Isnt that wonderful?
Over the years our games have been quite enriched and also quite enabled by the fact we could split hairs for multiple purposes including but not limited to, making things work smoothly instead of clashing, allowing a much better range of flavor and possibility, and just generally making things have an organic and logical sense to them. Also convenience at times. Or to ignore something boring.
Modularity is a wonderful thing. Handwaiving some things away is a huge skill for players and dms alike. Especially dms. Sometimes its just the thing to do.
Not an example of handwaiving but definitely an example of modularity at work:
There is absolutely no ruling on creating a new type of undead curse? The party necro wants to figure out how to make a few and is willing to put a lot of time into it and it will help the party? He wants to study epic effects because he knows it ought to be a lot more difficult than just creating an undead and he may be harmed in the discovery but is willing to take the risk?
Resident rules lawyer several levels later when the other party member's dream is about to come to fruition grumbles about there being no rules precedent?
