Pregnant Players & The Effect On Games

[GQuail]

This thread amazes me - my wife has been a member of our gaming group since it began back in 1982. Our children were born in 1993, 1995 and 1998. She never stopped gaming, nor would any players have expected her to. She even DM'ed during parts of two of those pregnancies. The only difference that it made was that we had alternated gaming locations from 1982-1995 but after our second child was born it became necessary to play at our house as a permanent location.

Wow: that's not only a long-term group, but a real devotion to the game from your wife!

You mention having to play in your house - I suspect if we play again after tje birth, we'll need to run from the house of the parents. This is a bit of a hassle, though, as they were one of only two cars our group has - and also live possibly the furthest away from the center of the city we play in.

I think that even if we kept playing, the hassle of going back and forth a notable distance (which would require multiple train/bus trips) would probably force us to a fortnightly schedule. Playing on weekends isn't much use to avoid this hassle since a few people work retail and that's no better for their shifts - so there's almost certainly going to be some sort of shift in how often we play. Well, either that or some sort of taxi kitty.

 

[GQuail]

I don't see the problem... We continued to play while my wife was pregnant, and now my 7 month old son sits in the room with us while we play. He loves listening to everyone talk.

Out of interest, were you running in your own house? How did the rest of the group cope with the shift in a new baby coming?

I'm sure the new baby we're getting will be curious as well, though. And it sounds like my lot will be happy to accommodate it! The group have been looking up nerdy maternity & baby wear, and pondering buying it a little soft toy greataxe or something. One even suggested naming the child after one of the PCs...

Me, I'm planning to get it a set of silver dice.

 

[Silver Moon]

You mention having to play in your house - I suspect if we play again after tje birth, we'll need to run from the house of the parents.

That was only after the 2nd child, when we had just the the one we continued to alternate houses and just brought along a portable play pen, as well as toys and a cooler with bottles of milk. When the baby would act up whichever of us wasn't the DM would take the baby into another room to feed and/or change her.

This is a bit of a hassle, though, as they were one of only two cars our group has - and also live possibly the furthest away from the center of the city we play in.

Understood, although if you wish to game together it is inevitable that some people may have longer drives. We've always had players willing to travel up to 45 minutes away for games.

I think that even if we kept playing, the hassle of going back and forth a notable distance (which would require multiple train/bus trips) would probably force us to a fortnightly schedule.

Well, I've known several groups where that works. For example, Piratecat's group always has two separate games going on simultaneously, playing each one every-other-week, with some players who only participate in one or the other. That also allows each DM an opportunity to also play. So if weekly is too much for this couple you might consider an every-other-week game including them and alternate with a second game without them.

 

[thundershot]

Out of interest, were you running in your own house? How did the rest of the group cope with the shift in a new baby coming?

I'm sure the new baby we're getting will be curious as well, though. And it sounds like my lot will be happy to accommodate it! The group have been looking up nerdy maternity & baby wear, and pondering buying it a little soft toy greataxe or something. One even suggested naming the child after one of the PCs...

Me, I'm planning to get it a set of silver dice.

Actually, we do play at our house, and except in high school it was at my best friend's house. Then I got married and we used our apartment. Now it's in our house.

So yeah, it's a lot easier since all the baby stuff is here..

 

[Evilhalfling]

One of my players played through most of the her pregnancies, we had to hurry the last two games to avoid an early birth. Her second child was born also early, and we dropped the last session from the campaign, handling it through e-mail instead. I advise ending at least a month before the birth, and doing one-shots or card games.

Both time we ended the campaign that she and her husband were in, added a new player or two, and started a new game. They took 6 months off then we returned to playing at their house. When she got pregnant again she decided to stop gaming with the birth. Her husband took off maybe a month, and returned to the table.

When my wife gave birth I took 3 months off (on recommendation from ENworld.) While the group switched to M&M. I came back with a new campaign (4e) ready to run. My daughter is 4 months ATM, and we have shortened the session to 5 hrs so that us dads can get home earlier.

My Wife Adds:
Remember to celebrate the fact of pregnancy with her instead of moving straight to how it effects the group. She says she got tired/frustrated with peoples reacting based on how it would affect them.

 

[Tewligan]

no breast feeding rule came into play.

In my case it was more that the single players wanted the babies leftovers. Liar Liar had recently come out as well. The blanket might have worked, but you have to be cautious with the maturity of the other players as well around exposed parts of attractive women....... Like that movie where people bid on one of the mans two wives after she started nursing the other wife's baby in the saloon.

Are you serious?! The woman couldn't even feed her kid at the table because douchey players felt the need to act like obnoxious horny 15-year-olds? Ugh - how old are these guys?

 

[justanobody]

Are you serious?! The woman couldn't even feed her kid at the table because douchey players felt the need to act like obnoxious horny 15-year-olds? Ugh - how old are these guys?

The same as as her that was making a point to flaunt that she was doing it.

Not all girls are prudes about things, and some are more open that would be normally expected. It was a constant gimmick around the table because of how proud she was of her own looks.

But, other groups may not be as casual, and even in this case it was a bit of an excessive distraction from the game itself above the norm.

Nice to call people "douchey" when you don't know the circumstances, but of course, it is always the men's fault, and women never flash guys or act in a manner other than prim or proper unless they are sluts huh?

Sadly neither was the case, so you have little to gripe about. But none of this really mattered to the topic at hand until you wanted to draw some target on someone to aim at for some reason to warrant its explanation needed.

So since the guys were "douchey", I guess all women that are proud of their bodies and happy about them to be able to laugh about thing like that are just sluts right?

Welcome to the 80's. You are about a decade or two late however.

The point still remains, some things involving babies should be best done away from the gaming table. For all parties concerns.

 

[CharlesRyan]

Being married to a gamer and having two children, I can attest to the issues of pregnancy, childbirth, and child raising on gaming.

Don't lose too much sleep over it. For starters, if she's just nine weeks, you still have 30 weeks (hopefully!) before the baby comes along.

Infants are actually pretty game-compatible. They sleep a lot, are fairly portable, and are relatively immobile. Your friend and her husband will be dog tired for the first one to six months (depending on the baby's habits) after the child comes along, but as long as that isn't an impediment, the baby itself probably won't keep them from playing.

Once the child is crawling, and especially when it gets to the toddler stage, things get dicier. But such children go to bed early, so if you can play at their house, again, shouldn't be a problem.

In my own experience, having our first child barely impacted our gaming. It was having the second child--and the consequent quadrupling of child-management issues--that nearly killed it! We barely gamed at all for a couple years, and have only in the last year or so returned to a healthy schedule.

 

[CharlesRyan]

The point still remains, some things involving babies should be best done away from the gaming table. For all parties concerns.

Sorry, I've got to go with Tewligan on this one.

According to the situation you've described, either the woman was using the care of her infant as an excuse to flash her breasts, or the men were not mature enough to allow her to conduct one of the most fundamental aspects of motherhood--itself one of the most fundamental aspects of human existence--in peace.

One--or both--of the parties was was behaving inappropriately and childishly.

If all the people present are grownups, and everyone behaves with appropriate modesty, I don't see where the problem is. If, individually, any particular member of your group is uncomfortable with breastfeeding (or diaper changing, or drooling, or any other unpleasant aspect of babiness), the individual can always step out for a few moments, or ask that the mother and child do so. Or they could look away for a few minutes, remember that the world doesn't revolve around them, and continue with the game!

 

[S'mon]

My mostly non-gaming wife got pregnant. Meant I had to give up RPGing for about a 9 month period before and after the birth, but I've been running regular twice-monthly games since Bill was 13 months old, with a break next month as my wife is having surgery for an ovarian cyst and she'll need me looking after Bill for a while at the weekends. Should be back in December though.

My feeling is that paternity/maternity will disrupt but shouldn't necessarily mean a permanent end to participation in the campaign. There are babysitters, if both parents play. There are evening games at their house. That said, given how long your campaign has run, it might be a good idea to run a finale over the next few months. You should keep connections open to the new parents though in case one or both would like to rejoin a new game once things settle down.

Edit: Breastfeeding - I'd recommend either do it discretely, which takes practice, or do it away from the table. It took my wife a few months to be able to breastfeed completely discretely.