Pregnant Players & The Effect On Games

[CharlesRyan]

The key thing in a few people's stories, though, is that running a game with a baby really requires running in the house of that baby.

To be clear, I don't think this is necessarily true in the case of an infant. We gamed at our friends' houses all the time when our first child was less than 6 months old. They're pretty portable, they spend a fair amount of time sleeping, and they're immobile--spread a blanket on the floor and give them a few toys, and you're good to go.

Once they hit about 6 months of age, and can sit up and scoot around, your problems multiply and you probably will need to play at the parents' home.

 

[Rel]

Not sure how useful this data will be but all the guys in our gaming group have had kids at this point. The length of hiatus has varied from as short as two weeks (that was me - we started my first 3e campaign two weeks after my daughter was born, but we played at my house) to one guy who is still not back after 18 months. However his situation is compounded by a job that requires him to travel out of town 2-3 days every week so he really needs to spend those nights home with the family.

The average has been 1-3 months out of the game after each birth I'd say.

As for your particular circumstances, a bit hard for me to relate to a campaign that long. I would think that the next 5 or 6 months would give you enough time to bring the game to some kind of a stopping point where you can either end it or put it on hold until whenever the players are ready again. But since my campaigns usually only last between 9 months and a year (by design) I may not be the best person to ask.

 

[Mercule]

Wow. My wife and I have had four kids, another couple has had one, and yet another is currently pregnant. Both members of all the above couples game in the same group -- and I GM most of the time. Other than for C-sections and other recouperative needs, there hasn't been any lost game-time. Typically, it's about a month hiatus, with a possibility of a couple weeks of that being cards or some such on the normal game day.

I don't see any reason why mom, dad, or both would have to drop out. If they do, it's their choice. Kinda like when one guy in our group dropped out to become a deacon at his church or a gal dropped out to do more sports. I don't see any reason why it's disrespectful to continue the game without them.

But, everyone is different. I don't think you have to completely reboot your life to make it kid friendly. I don't even think it's healthy (for parent or child). Many people agree with me. Many people disagree.

 

[ferratus]

Since some people (apparently including you) freak out at the sight of breastfeeding though, I recommend it be done away from the table until it can be done completely discretely.

Meh, people should just get over it. Up here in Nova Scotia if you hassle a woman for breastfeeding in public it is hassler who might have to explain himself/herself to authorities. Breastfeeding is exempt from indecent exposure laws.

When my wife was breastfeeding, even in the middle of our weekly Catholic Church service, nobody batted an eyelash. She wasn't particularly subtle about it, or worried about covering herself with a blanket. If it is natural and normal enough to get away with it at a church service, it should be no problem around a table with a group of friends.

 

[S'mon]

My experience with pregnant players--and pregnant DMs!--was, the game keeps right on trucking.

If you have the kind of players who'll freak out at the sight of a nipple, then you do possibly have an issue.

Maybe it's because I'm married and I don't know most of my players that well, or just that I'm easily distracted, but at the game I don't like to see my female players' legs, never mind their nipples! I remember one time a player turned up in a short skirt and threw me off my GMing quite badly. Baggy t-shirt & jeans is good.

 

[S'mon]

They're pretty portable, they spend a fair amount of time sleeping...

Mine never did... Still sleeps maybe 8 hours a day, tops. He was crawling from a few months, too. Didn't start walking until 14 months, now at 16-17 months he runs everywhere.

Here's him doing the assault course rope walk a couple months back:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/londonlooks/2934453899/in/set-72157605431295809/

Here's him with me, tired as a dog:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/londonlooks/2953447741/

 

[S'mon]

Meh, people should just get over it. Up here in Nova Scotia if you hassle a woman for breastfeeding in public it is hassler who might have to explain himself/herself to authorities. Breastfeeding is exempt from indecent exposure laws.

Yeah, the Labour govt here brought in compulsory-tolerance-of-breastfeeding laws here in the UK too. It certainly makes it easier for my wife when she's breastfeeding in public (Bill's nearly 17 months now and shows no sign of stopping voluntarily), but it's still polite to be discrete. I think personally if I was GMing for a new mother who hadn't worked out how to be discrete yet, and she was breastfeeding at the table, I'd be distracted and likely my GMing would suffer badly, so in these and similar cases I think it's best to do it away from the table.

 

[PapersAndPaychecks]

Maybe it's because I'm married and I don't know most of my players that well, or just that I'm easily distracted, but at the game I don't like to see my female players' legs, never mind their nipples! I remember one time a player turned up in a short skirt and threw me off my GMing quite badly. Baggy t-shirt & jeans is good.

Heh, I grew up with mine. The most recent addition to my group was my son, who was born in 1994, and before that the most recent addition was when the lady who's now my wife joined in 1987. The rest of us have been gaming together since the early 1980's.

This gaming group's survived people going through marriages, births, deaths, multiple sclerosis, major surgery, repossession, eviction, and bankruptcy. It's rock solid.

No player has a nipple I haven't seen.

 

[Crazy Jerome]

Let's see. We have 10 players, all but one married, counting two married couples in the group. I think there might be a total of 11 kids represented (thus far), ranging from almost 16 to a few months old. We've been playing for 21 years now, and have had a simple rule: The new parents get a heck of a lot of say about where we play the session.

As noted, it often is easier for the parents of toddlers to have the game at their house, but with babies it is often the other way. Depends on the person, really. One mother was a stickler for having a spotless house when we played there. So having a game scheduled at that house when she and hubby were exhausted wasn't what they wanted.

The most important thing is to be flexible about everything--not only location and timing, but even what you play and the style of the game, and even being prepared to change your minds on these things, again, after a few months of something that was working, but isn't now.

One thing that made it easier on us was that we went to "all day" Saturday sessions, but less frequently. Think of it as 3-4 short sessions separated by breaks. We actually did that with only one child in the mix, mainly because of the travel time, but it works pretty well for having kids in the group.

 

[justanobody]

The key thing in a few people's stories, though, is that running a game with a baby really requires running in the house of that baby. That's perhaps the biggest shift my own game will need to consider. Also, it seems we need to clear up what our local etiquette is for breastfeeding.

Just make sure that neither the game nor baby suffers when playing and things should work out. I would say don't let the mother suffer, but even when the game is over there will be those late night feedings that she will have to get up for or kick him out of the bed, so they will be suffering no matter what so allow time for the baby during gameplay and things shouldn't be too bad, and give the new parents some stability of friends.

Giving the baby a D&D session birthday party can work if you get D&D related gifts. Big puffy dice, stuffed monsters, diaper of never needs changing...things like that.