These all happened within the first two years of my first Planescape campaign. I have hundreds of these written down on my notes from each game, just not transferred to the computer yet.
“And what did this… Butler… look like exactly?”
“Umm… like a butler. Oh and he was a tiefling!”
“Well, that’s one hell of a shapeshifter!”
“And this ladies and gentlemen is what’s known as a 4d6 moment.”
While in the Gatetown of Hopeless:
“Wow, I take it Joseph and Technicolor Dreamcoat didn’t go over well here.”
“The buildings are worn, homogenous and uniformly gray. They seem neglected and ill cared for in the extreme judging by their exterior condition”
“Wow, sounds like NY.”
“Hey Mr. Rumsfeld!” – said to a 16 HD Beholder
Me: “At one point you see four members of the town watch beating someone.”
Player: “I didn’t know we were in LA?!”
On the Sigil Advisory Council:
“It’s like Congress with a two drink minimum!”
Speaking about a tiefling shadowdancer: “He’s the master of the fine art of getting the f*** out!”
Player: “Don’t you just love gnomish inventions?!!”
Me: “Yep! Right up until they have a catastrophic mechanical failure!” *wiggles eyebrows and holds up the percentile dice*
Player: “Oh crap!”
Me: “As he takes out a scroll and pen to take your names and details, the Arcanaloth looks distinctly bored with his job.”
Player: “Well then, I think we can make it interesting!”
Player: “Speaking as a Catholic and an Eagle Scout, don’t make me kick your a**!”
“I think I sum up everyone’s opinion on the Kobold’s personal life when I say the following: “Oooohhhh…. Chairlegs!””
“It’s amazing how someone with a 17 wisdom can have so little common sense.”
“Holy water is not a lube!”
“Yes, you have to look up, he’s wearing platform shoes.”
“This may sound bad, but, what’s my girlfriend’s name?”
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The following few happened when Shemeska the Marauder visited the PC’s tavern just to make a royal annoyance of her self:
Player: “Oh sh*t! I’m so tempted to jump in the fire portal.”
PC: “There’s a note on my bag of holding that reads, ‘Let me out when the bitch is gone.’”
PC: “The spell isn’t actually ‘blindness/deafness’, its detect bitch!”
PC: “You detect an overwhelming aura of bullsh*t!”
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“Her Dread Majesty can make her own brutality thank you very much.”
“I slam the bag of devouring over the mephit!”
“You what!?”
“A portal to the plane of Ooze is like a mephit gloryhole…”
“Rhys doesn’t move, she doesn’t actually do a thing.”
“Oh then we’re fine!”
“Dear Lord! It’s like a xenomorph got implanted by a Slaadi!”
“You screamed like a little girly man!”
“No, I was actually choking on diet coke.”
“Just the way she likes it!”
“Oh? You mean with a sandpaper condom.”
Female PC: “Girls always go to the bathroom in groups. Come on Clueless!”
Clueless (male character): “WHAT?!”
Me: “Hey now, I’ve never fallen asleep while running this game.”
Player: “That’s because you’re too busy laughing at us inside your head!”
“Damnit! There’s violence happening and I’m not part of it!”
“Like a child on Xmas morning I can’t go back to sleep!”
PC Kobold: “It’s not called getting killed, its called giving the kobold a very large financial gain.”
Me: “Oh boy, he’s got spell turning up with a few levels left on it. What level is that spell again? Ok, you have a 1/3 chance and he has a 2/3 chance of being affected.”
Player: “If Camille asks, YOU were shadowing her character today!”
“And this is all going into a box labled don’t f*cking open this!”
“Don’t listen to the slut of the party on sex advice.”
“I swear I’m gonna rip his head off and hit him with it till candy pops out!”
“It’s the adventures of captain tightass and the spooky b*tch!”
PC 1: “If we can’t loiter, what do the people of Hopeless do all day?”
PC 2: “Get beat up for loitering?”
“Are you sure I can’t shrink wrap the mephit?”
“I know infernal, so I proceed to mock her!”
“Nobody’s missing, nothing happened. Oh, except the tiefling caught the clap.”
PC: “That would be stupid!”
Me: “And that’s apparently why you’re doing it.”
“This is not the apathy you’re looking for.” – a jedi at the gatehouse
