(Rant) Real life constantly interfering with my game!

[Dedekind]

Once everyone was working and starting families, we switched to a 'make it if you can' attendance policy. As long as we get 4 players and the DM is available, we play every 2 weeks. We have completely waved our hands at the continuity issues of not having the same party every week, and there is no penalty for not showing up. We find that we enjoy it just as much as we ever did (but I hate it when I can make it ).

 

[Umbran]

I'm not bashing anybody, but your wife is wrong. Lots of people have weekly bowling leagues, bridge games, whatever. It just takes a certain level of commitment. Adult gamers can do regular games, but only if people make a reasonable effort to keep that night open; a player who always jettisons game night at the first hint of a scheduling conflict should probably reconsider playing in the first place.

Which amounts to, "You can have the group you want, or the schedule you want, but probably not both."

Sure, if you are willing to ditch people, you can eventually find a group that can meet as frequently as you want. But if you have a particular set of friends you want to game with, you are effectively bound by their commitments.

I, personally, have found that for professional adults with families, meeting every single week simply isn't a viable option in the long term, especially if they live more than a few minutes drive from one another. I have found that backing off to every other week, or one week in three, allows many folks to give stronger commitment to the games.

 

[Crothian]

I hear you. It's looking like tomorrow will be our third cancelation of the 4 scheduled sessions we've had for our new campaign. It's hard enough with families and work, but now we have weather that is causing us issues.

 

[Wootz]

DESTROY THE WOMAN.


Just kidding. I feel you. Friends have sports, mexican dentists call in a day late, etc. etc. Having your whole gaming group still in high school does NOT help (trust me) but maybe you should try finding a medium that everyone in your group can agree with, and act accordingly.

 

[Drkfathr1]

I've found that this time of year, especially around the holidays and with the potential for awful weather, we have a harder time getting together.

But, even at more favorable times of the year, we do every three weeks at best, or once a month. That's with 8 of us, including 3 couples. Thankfully four of the group all work at the same place, so work schedules usually aren't an issue, but personal lives and family often take precedence.

So I've started gaming with a second group, that's trying to meet every two weeks so far! This way I'll get 2-4 games in a month!

 

[billd91]

Which amounts to, "You can have the group you want, or the schedule you want, but probably not both."

Not really, no. You often can have both. I've had a pretty stable Thursday night group for well over a decade now. Some personnel changes have gradually occurred as people have moved away or schedule have changed (or even moved back and rejoined the group). But these changes have happened little by little, just as you'd see with a regular group of friends.
But with that group as well, the average age is rapidly approaching 40. We're all reasonably established in our homes and careers. Some of us have kids. And life is stable enough, even with demanding jobs occasionally taking a player away for a session, that we can make the commitment to a 3-4 hour session a week.

 

[Umbran]

Not really, no. You often can have both.

I am happy that it woks out for your group, but I think your "often" is not supported by the evidence seen in this thread. To counter your example:

With driving times between our people, weeknights are basically out: 3 to four hours of gaming, plus a meal, plus driving time rapidly becomes a six or seven hour commitment, which just fails to work on a weeknight.

With most of our players having kids or extended family nearby, familial obligations kill one weekend per month on average. Folks having other hobbies, interests, and friends nearby kills another weekend (for a hobby gathering, someone else's birthday party, a hot date last minute, and so on).

So, right there, we are working at best twice a month. And it can't even be a consistent schedule - we don't control when people outside the group have birthday parties, or when a great band is playing in town, or whatever. Scheduling gets to be a nightmare kind of quickly.

 

[Nebulous]

Personally, it is hard for me to get into a game I am running unless we play weekly. This once a month stuff is not going to get it.

My wife says I'm spoiled and adults should not plan on being able to play a game once a week. Perhaps, what do you think? Is gaming on a regular basis merely for the high school and college students?

I feel for you pogre. I love playing once a week, although it can be hard for adults to get together. We're all in our late 20's or 30's, but no kids, which makes it infinitely easier. I can deal with twice a month games, gives me more time to tweak it, but once a month...no, that just sucks. That's like having FUN once a month. Boring.

 

[billd91]

I am happy that it woks out for your group, but I think your "often" is not supported by the evidence seen in this thread. To counter your example:

With driving times between our people, weeknights are basically out: 3 to four hours of gaming, plus a meal, plus driving time rapidly becomes a six or seven hour commitment, which just fails to work on a weeknight.

With most of our players having kids or extended family nearby, familial obligations kill one weekend per month on average. Folks having other hobbies, interests, and friends nearby kills another weekend (for a hobby gathering, someone else's birthday party, a hot date last minute, and so on).

So, right there, we are working at best twice a month. And it can't even be a consistent schedule - we don't control when people outside the group have birthday parties, or when a great band is playing in town, or whatever. Scheduling gets to be a nightmare kind of quickly.

I'm not so sure of the evidence against what I'm saying, particularly since a lot of people in this thread are saying it's possible.

One thing about difficulties in scheduling a session a week (and it doesn't have to be on the weeknights, it could be on the weekend) that comes to mind might be differences in culture. And I'm not talking internationally.

How many people who think it can be done are used to parents, coworkers, or other peers having regular league nights for sports or other passtimes? I am. I live in an area where sports leagues are very common and a huge proportion of people participate in them. Curling, softball, volleyball, hockey, bowling. Tons of it. Somehow, people are able to set this time aside. So why not for gaming?

And I wonder how many people who can't seem to make this happen (or are not allowed to by spouses) never had many family members doing leagues or other regular activities (or their spouses never etc, etc). It may be because they lived in an area where there was a lot less of that sort of thing going on. Easy participation in sports leagues seems well suited to small to moderate towns/cities with fewer people per bowling alley/sand volleyball pit/etc but enough population density to support said places. It may be because you come from a working culture that brings a lot of work home or has more unpaid overtime because of being salaried professionals (there's a reason that working class joes seem to participate a lot in sports leagues rather than just go to the gym on the way to or from work).

But, ultimately, if there are legions of people able to bowl or curl or play softball once or twice a week with stable teams even though they're married with kids and employed, it's not that hard to imagine doing the same with gaming.

 

[Umbran]

But, ultimately, if there are legions of people able to bowl or curl or play softball once or twice a week with stable teams even though they're married with kids and employed, it's not that hard to imagine doing the same with gaming.

Well, here's the thing - leagues and D&D games are typically different, along the lines of what I said earlier - you get the team you want, or the schedule you want, but not both.

In a league, the schedule is set before any teams are made - team captains then go around to people they know, and assemble a team out of folks who are pre-selected to make the schedule. Some of his preferred people probably aren't available, and so won't be on the team this time around.

Also, in my experience, league play is usually weekday, and as I understand it, folks tend to play in very local leagues, not ones that are 45 minutes or more drive away. Leagues tend to be seasonal, not year-round commitments. Leagues always have rules about attendance, and have forfeits if people don't show up....

Yes, I could put a game together, if I were willing to build it like a league team - take my group from a large pool of players, and be willing to tell anyone who could not fit my pre-determined schedule that they're out of luck. Some game, with some people, could be assembled, surely. It would eventually collapse to have people traded out and new folks traded in, as seasons and life-changes altered individual needs. That is typical of league play.

But that's not my situation. I don't want to choose the schedule first, and then pick people to fit. I've got a set small group of players I want to work with, that I've been playing with for 15 years, since everyone was a student and had more free time than sense If I want to be that picky, my preferred schedule is probably forfeit.