<Rant> Where has courtesy gone?

[the Jester]

But seriously...

I agree that courtesy seems to be waning, but I hope it will prove to be one of those cyclical things- that we're in a 'rude period' and that the pendulum will swing back. I don't know if this is the case- it's merely a hope- but I have found that being polite and friendly makes me a happier, better person, so I do it as much for myself as for others.

 

[Darth K'Trava]

I think a lot of people interpret "sir" and "ma'am" as being old because they grew up calling older people that, and don't like having to face the idea they are that old now.

I still see a lot of courtesy, relatively, around me, but I live in Kentucky and lot of people around here still take some belief in "southern hospitality" (shades of the Info about States thread). I still hold the door open for people often, and try to use "please" and "thank you", and be generally helpful and nice. I'll admit that I very rarely use "sir" or "ma'am" because it sounds too formal for everyday use and many people bristle at the excess formality and implications of seniority (I'll use it with somebody who is visibly quite elderly, but that's it).

I have a friend who likes to hold the door open for women and have common courtesy. He's of the "dying breed": Southern Gentlemen. The only time I griped about him doing that was the time he had to really reach for the door and with his bad back, I was afraid of his back going out and him landing face first on the pavement... other than that, I don't mind a man opening the door for me (just as long as he's not in the risk of hurting himself in the process).

And I usually use "sir" or "ma'am" to customers at work as respect, regardless of age. And the use of "please" and "thank you".

 

[Aeson]

I'm a Jerk. I'm the guy in line at Taco Smell, I'm the teens at the mall, I call at midnight and blame you for it.

Not really. I agree with you. I try to be nice to people hoping it would rub off. It doesn't.

 

[Andre]

Years ago I read a passage that sums up a lot of this (I'm paraphrasing):

People do not do good out of conscious thought. They do what they're used to. Therefore, if you want a virtuous society, teach good habits.

Courtesy, like so many things, is a habit. If we don't teach kids to be courteous (both with our words and our actions), then they won't be courteous. It may be too late with the current teenagers (and, to be honest, many my own age), but it's never too late to teach the next generation.

BTW, if anyone recognizes the quote above and can tell the name of the gentleman who said it, I'd appreciate the info. I believe he was an Englishman, a writer and/or philosopher, who lived in the late 19th or early 20th Centuries. I've been trying to find the original quote for years, but no luck.

 

[EricNoah]

(Frankly I get a little tired of the old "kids today!" rant. Every generation thinks the one before it is too stodgy and the one after it is too lax. This is just in general, not necessarily about the original post in this thread.)

I interact with a couple hundred middle schoolers a day and they run the gammut from "whatever!" to "please-and-thank-you." But you know what, so do the adults I run into, even ones older than me.

If one of my students started with "sir" (to me) or "ma'am" (to my assistant), I'd be suspicious, frankly. There's such a thing as "too polite" -- you've got to match it to the situation. It's entirely possible that what you perceive as harmless or friendly or polite is being received as creepy or weird or mocking. Your words could be saying one thing ("I'm being polite, see how polite I am?") while your facial expressions or tone of voice say something else ("I'm just waiting for you to fail to return my politeness and then I've got a reason to loathe you, you SOB"). Of course I'm not there, so I have no way of knowing.

 

[Harmon]

As you say Eric its not a rant about generations, anyone can be rude at any age, I know that. My examples are more directed at those that are younger then I am, which is oh, about half the population right now.

I use Sir and Ma'am all the time, if the person is two or a hundred and two it doesn't matter. When I know the persons name then I will use that, but until then its Sir or Ma'am. Its not meant to get one over or kiss someone's less desirable areas, its a manner of respect.

Andre- I have seen a quote like that one, but I can't for the life of me remember even where or when.

I did find these two-
“To do good without ulterior motive is a generous and almost divine thing in itself.”
- Francesco Guicciardini (1483-1540)

“An act is not good because we feel obliged to do it; it is rather that we feel obliged to do it because it is good.”
- Abraham Joshua Heschel (1907-1972)

 

[Dark Jezter]

I live in Utah, and common courtesy seems to still exist here. Between work and school, I see a lot of people open doors for each other, smile and say "hello" even to strangers, use Please and Thank You in conversation, etc.

Except on the freeway. Utah drivers are notoriously pushy and aggressive.

Still, even I sometimes have expiriences with people who react to common courtesy with hostility. One of my more recent examples happened when, at the college I take classes at, I noticed a woman coming out of the bookstore who had a double armload full of books. When I saw she was heading towards the door, I said "Here, let me get that for you" and held it open for her. She glared at me like I'd just sprouted horns and a tail, then walked through the door without even thanking me. Heck, I didn't even get a courtesy nod. Oh well, maybe she was just having a really bad day... or maybe she was just plain a bitch.

Also, I have a job where I take calls from all people over the United States, and I can second that "southern hospitality" definately isn't a myth. Callers from the southern states, on average, seem to be much more polite and gracious than callers from most other parts of the US.

 

[JRRNeiklot]

You guys should come to Alabama. We all have guns, that kind of fosters a polite society.

 

[Ranger REG]

<Rant> Where has courtesy gone?

Not out of me, apparently. As argumentative as I am these days -- even picking a fight on this messageboard with trolls -- I'm just too damn courteous when I go out. I usually let females and elders board the bus first and if I'm the first out of the rear doors, I hold them open.

I guess I'm one of the few that got spanked in their childhood that turned out okay as adults.

 

[Jeff Wilder]

Several years ago I made a road trip with a guy and discovered just how rude he was. Understand, at the time he and I both worked at a pizza joint. Both of us were used to drunken rudeness.

So I was shocked at how rude he was to folks along our trip ... even the people who were in similar jobs, like cashiers at fast-food restaurants, or servers in restaurants. Wouldn't you think that he'd be courteous at least to those people? I gave him quite a bit of hell about it, and he honestly didn't know what I was talking about. It was like the people serving him were furniture, and how can you be rude to furniture?