<Rant> Where has courtesy gone?

[Harmon]

<Rant> Where has courtesy gone?

Sense I was in my teens I have noticed the decline in thank yous, apologizes, excuse me, bless yous, pleases, and such. Why has rudeness become so dominate? Examples-

I opened the door for a woman (she is coming into the mall I am going out) pushing a baby carriage the other day- behind me was a small group of teen-age males, they went through the open door, making the woman and her new born wait for them. “That was rude,” I stated. “Yes, very,” the woman replied. Which got the attention of the punks that had moved through, though it was not said to them- only of them. It was a nasty look I got, but no comments were exchanged beyond that. The woman with the carriage thanked me, and I said, “you are welcome.”

Would I have held the door for the guys? If they had stopped and allowed her to go first- ya, I would have.

A woman sneezes in class today. “Bless you,” I said. The guy that was helping her with her class work told me to “<blank> off.” It was a courtesy I was extending, I know God hates me and would never bless anyone for me, but how would the boyfriend know? I shook my head and went back to work. Rudeness rules. Or was it jealous, could I steal his girl with a blessing that is worthless then the dust on the bottom of my shoes?

Apologizes seem meaningless as well. More then a half dozen later and I find that I have lost a friend, though I feel that I did about half of the damage to the relationship I gave all the apologizes. Was one ever extended? Nope. It was a request that was simple, some harsh words, and finally ending comments I made in a flare of my temper- for which I apologized. Was it accepted? Nope. Would I accept his? In a heartbeat, would we be friends still if he had said- “I am sorry,” yep.

Another thing is the- “excuse me, sir,” or “excuse me, miss,” seems to go over in varied fashion, some times people do react in the positive and I always (always being 99% of the time) say thank you or thanks.

Girls crowding the sidewalk today, construction workers on the road, I have to go down the sidewalk (through the five young ladies) or across the street, down, then back across. “Excuse me,” I say in the kindest tone I can muster to the one looking at me. “Your excused,” she says and they all laugh. I give a weak smile. “I would like to go past, please,” I was biting my tongue, ‘don’t say it,’ I ordered myself. She blinked, stunned, obviously not understanding the courtesy. Her and her friends just looked at me and moved aside. “Thank you,” I said to them as a whole. I was twenty feet beyond when one of them called- “your welcome,” I glanced back and she waved. I returned the gesture and she smiled. They went from mocking and rude to bewildered and stunned at something they seemed not to have ever seen.

At the soda machine in Taco Smell the other day- a young man ahead of me fills his soda. He stands his position at the machine after his cup is full, grabs a lid two feet away (there is a counter in front of the lids), places it on top of his soda- “excuse me,” I gesture to the machine with my empty cup, as he looks at me. It’s a glare I receive and a “you can wait,” type comment with an unkind curse in the comment. He takes a straw, preps it and places it in his soda then turns to look at me.

Now I am six foot plus, two hundred thirty pounds run a ten-minute mile, can press better then my weight, can swing a 24 oz hammer all day (set and drive 16 penny Commons). I have a nasty temper that usually results in a lot more bark then bite (I haven’t hit anyone in a lot of years). When he turned to give me his best intimidating glare I was staring into his eyes- “learn some <nasty word> manners or I will teach them to you,” I told him at a whisper that paled his face a little. He fled without his food (I had to smile when the woman behind the counter called a number three times with a bag of food in hand- no one claimed it). I guess I was scarier then he thought.

A pharmacy recently went in near our house- its number is one digit off of ours, so we get a lot of wrong numbers. I know the number they want and inform them in as kind of tone as I can what they number was. About 9 out of 10 calls the caller is kind and thanks me, once in a while I get a person that is really sick or in pain and they can’t help it but have a bad attitude. I try to give them the benefit of doubt, but still it was their misdial that got me instead of the store they wanted- shouldn’t they apologize? “Sorry, for calling you at mid night,” but those people just do not understand courtesy I guess.

Please- is a word that I have heard so seldom as of late that I think it will be removed from the dictionary soon. “Hand me that pen,” has replaced “would you please hand me that pen?”

These are just examples of the things I have seen. It seems to be getting worse and its really starting to get to me. Why is it that people can’t treat other people how they want to be treated?

Another thing is more personal in nature- why is it that I feel that I am being perceived in a negative fashion? My intent is one manner and perceived in the opposite. Are my courtesies perceived in a negative fashion? Are my thank yous taken as condescending? My apologizes seen as half assed? The word, please, when it leaves my lips do people take it in an unkind fashion? Is that why I feel so many people are becoming rude and uncaring? Is it that they perceive me as being rude and uncaring so they return the favor?

Should I just give up and not be kind at all? Should I have slammed the punk’s head into the soda machine, like I wanted to? Should I have just stepped back and said nothing (letting him think rudeness got him what he wanted)? Nah. I think it would be an insult to who I am, to the person that I want to be when I grow up.

I am getting tire. I know that people want to be treated with respect and kindness, but when you come at me with disrespect and unkind words and gestures I get cranky and my temper flares. Am I alone?

(Question- this was written in a tone of consideration, question and asking for assistance. Some one out there might well take it differently- who perceived it as a threat or in a condescending fashion? And why?)

Thank you for “listening” to my rant, I really needed to get this off my chest.

 

[Crothian]

<Rant> Where has courtesy gone?

Sense I was in my teens I have noticed the decline in thank yous, apologizes, excuse me, bless yous, pleases, and such. Why has rudeness become so dominate?

I agree, common courtesy is no longer common and it is actually rare these days. I don't get it. And agree with you 100%.

 

[Darth K'Trava]

It's surprising at just how fast politeness is disappearing from our culture. I know I was taught to be courteous to others. Using "please" and "thank you". Not to mention courtesy things like opening doors for people or holding them open until they can grab it... I do that for alot of people, male or female. People are just plain rude these days. They think being jerks will get them anywhere that niceness just won't. I'd rather be courteous to nice people than rude ones, who get a look.

 

[Hand of Evil]

was just in a training class for work on motivating employees and this was one of the issues they pointed out missing from the work place!

 

[barsoomcore]

I like to be polite. It's good. I try not to worry if other people are being polite -- that's their problem, not mine. I behave politely because I like to do so.

 

[devilbat]

It's funny that this should come up.

You see, my dad has recently become an American citizen. He's spent the last fifteen years in Minnesota, but was born and raised in Canada. We often get in discussions about the differences, percieved and real, that we have between nations. Where we always disagree is when it comes to manners.

He raised me to refer to elders as Mr. or Mrs. Closer family friend elders were referred to as Uncle or Aunty, even if there was no actual relation. We were taught to never grab, always say please, thank you AND You're Welcome. Use "excuse me" when passing by, "pardon me" if interrupting, hold the door for elders and especially for women. This was a hard and fast rule, as my father would never be labled as a gentle man.

Now, fifteen years later, he tells us that we Canadians are too caught up in manners, and that little things like that are not important. His U.S based nieces and nephews all call him by his first name. If I excuse myself around them, they think I've burped or farted. If I hold a door for someone, they look at me like I'm going to rob them.

I laugh about it, but I prefer polite people to the impolite.

 

[Rel]

About 9 out of 10 calls the caller is kind and thanks me...

90% isn't too bad you know.

Here is how I look at it: I'm polite. I'm pleasant. I'm nice. And once in a while I have to deal with somebody for maybe thirty seconds who is a rude, unpleasant jackass. But it's usually no more than thirty seconds.

They, on the other hand, have to go around being themselves all day long. When I think of how tough that must be, my contact with them seems pretty trivial.

Being a jerk all the time is a lot of work and it its own punishment. Just keep on being polite and let those other folks be their own problem.

 

[Darth K'Trava]

And it's annoying those who think people think they're old when they refer to them as "Sir" or "Ma'am".... :\ I see it as being polite more than "HEY! You old fart!"

 

[wingsandsword]

I think a lot of people interpret "sir" and "ma'am" as being old because they grew up calling older people that, and don't like having to face the idea they are that old now.

I still see a lot of courtesy, relatively, around me, but I live in Kentucky and lot of people around here still take some belief in "southern hospitality" (shades of the Info about States thread). I still hold the door open for people often, and try to use "please" and "thank you", and be generally helpful and nice. I'll admit that I very rarely use "sir" or "ma'am" because it sounds too formal for everyday use and many people bristle at the excess formality and implications of seniority (I'll use it with somebody who is visibly quite elderly, but that's it).

 

[the Jester]

<Rant> Where has courtesy gone?

Sense I was in my teens I have noticed the decline in thank yous, apologizes, excuse me, bless yous, pleases, and such. Why has rudeness become so dominate? Examples-

I opened the door for a woman (she is coming into the mall I am going out) pushing a baby carriage the other day- behind me was a small group of teen-age males, they went through the open door, making the woman and her new born wait for them. “That was rude,” I stated. “Yes, very,” the woman replied. Which got the attention of the punks that had moved through, though it was not said to them- only of them. It was a nasty look I got, but no comments were exchanged beyond that. The woman with the carriage thanked me, and I said, “you are welcome.”

Would I have held the door for the guys? If they had stopped and allowed her to go first- ya, I would have.

A woman sneezes in class today. “Bless you,” I said. The guy that was helping her with her class work told me to “<blank> off.” It was a courtesy I was extending, I know God hates me and would never bless anyone for me, but how would the boyfriend know? I shook my head and went back to work. Rudeness rules. Or was it jealous, could I steal his girl with a blessing that is worthless then the dust on the bottom of my shoes?

Apologizes seem meaningless as well. More then a half dozen later and I find that I have lost a friend, though I feel that I did about half of the damage to the relationship I gave all the apologizes. Was one ever extended? Nope. It was a request that was simple, some harsh words, and finally ending comments I made in a flare of my temper- for which I apologized. Was it accepted? Nope. Would I accept his? In a heartbeat, would we be friends still if he had said- “I am sorry,” yep.

Another thing is the- “excuse me, sir,” or “excuse me, miss,” seems to go over in varied fashion, some times people do react in the positive and I always (always being 99% of the time) say thank you or thanks.

Girls crowding the sidewalk today, construction workers on the road, I have to go down the sidewalk (through the five young ladies) or across the street, down, then back across. “Excuse me,” I say in the kindest tone I can muster to the one looking at me. “Your excused,” she says and they all laugh. I give a weak smile. “I would like to go past, please,” I was biting my tongue, ‘don’t say it,’ I ordered myself. She blinked, stunned, obviously not understanding the courtesy. Her and her friends just looked at me and moved aside. “Thank you,” I said to them as a whole. I was twenty feet beyond when one of them called- “your welcome,” I glanced back and she waved. I returned the gesture and she smiled. They went from mocking and rude to bewildered and stunned at something they seemed not to have ever seen.

At the soda machine in Taco Smell the other day- a young man ahead of me fills his soda. He stands his position at the machine after his cup is full, grabs a lid two feet away (there is a counter in front of the lids), places it on top of his soda- “excuse me,” I gesture to the machine with my empty cup, as he looks at me. It’s a glare I receive and a “you can wait,” type comment with an unkind curse in the comment. He takes a straw, preps it and places it in his soda then turns to look at me.

Now I am six foot plus, two hundred thirty pounds run a ten-minute mile, can press better then my weight, can swing a 24 oz hammer all day (set and drive 16 penny Commons). I have a nasty temper that usually results in a lot more bark then bite (I haven’t hit anyone in a lot of years). When he turned to give me his best intimidating glare I was staring into his eyes- “learn some <nasty word> manners or I will teach them to you,” I told him at a whisper that paled his face a little. He fled without his food (I had to smile when the woman behind the counter called a number three times with a bag of food in hand- no one claimed it). I guess I was scarier then he thought.

A pharmacy recently went in near our house- its number is one digit off of ours, so we get a lot of wrong numbers. I know the number they want and inform them in as kind of tone as I can what they number was. About 9 out of 10 calls the caller is kind and thanks me, once in a while I get a person that is really sick or in pain and they can’t help it but have a bad attitude. I try to give them the benefit of doubt, but still it was their misdial that got me instead of the store they wanted- shouldn’t they apologize? “Sorry, for calling you at mid night,” but those people just do not understand courtesy I guess.

Please- is a word that I have heard so seldom as of late that I think it will be removed from the dictionary soon. “Hand me that pen,” has replaced “would you please hand me that pen?”

These are just examples of the things I have seen. It seems to be getting worse and its really starting to get to me. Why is it that people can’t treat other people how they want to be treated?

Another thing is more personal in nature- why is it that I feel that I am being perceived in a negative fashion? My intent is one manner and perceived in the opposite. Are my courtesies perceived in a negative fashion? Are my thank yous taken as condescending? My apologizes seen as half assed? The word, please, when it leaves my lips do people take it in an unkind fashion? Is that why I feel so many people are becoming rude and uncaring? Is it that they perceive me as being rude and uncaring so they return the favor?

Should I just give up and not be kind at all? Should I have slammed the punk’s head into the soda machine, like I wanted to? Should I have just stepped back and said nothing (letting him think rudeness got him what he wanted)? Nah. I think it would be an insult to who I am, to the person that I want to be when I grow up.

I am getting tire. I know that people want to be treated with respect and kindness, but when you come at me with disrespect and unkind words and gestures I get cranky and my temper flares. Am I alone?

(Question- this was written in a tone of consideration, question and asking for assistance. Some one out there might well take it differently- who perceived it as a threat or in a condescending fashion? And why?)

Thank you for “listening” to my rant, I really needed to get this off my chest.

Jerk.