Re-worded spells

[Ilium]

Magic Missive

When your message absolutely, positively has to hit regardless of armor class.

 

[Nepenthe]

Mordenkainen's Lubrication

Gleemax's the brand name for that, right?

 

[Nifft]

GRE ace -- you gain a +10 insight bonus to your next standardized test.

Rope grick -- you create an aberration out of string.

Dope trick -- hide your stash for 2 hours/level.

Mope trick -- sulk privately.

Robe trick -- climb gown to extradimensional shelter.

Rape trick -- violate an extradimensional space

Ooooh-kay. That's about enough from me.

-- N

 

[lukelightning]

Explosive runes can become explosive runts

 

[Ilium]

Explosive runes can become explosive runts

Or the heavy metal version: Explosive Tunes

 

[Nifft]

Or the heavy metal version: Explosive Tunes

Or the ladder sabotage version: explosive rungs.

-- N

 

[Destil]

http://www.giantitp.com/comics/Incentives.html

Otilukes' Telekinetic Deer: As Otilukes' resilient deer, but also shoots mind bullets.

Symbol of Beer: Triggered rune distributes beer.

Bigby's Interposing Band: Rockers provide cover against one opponent.

 

[PallidPatience]

Just don't eat the explosive prunes.

 

[Olgar Shiverstone]

Mordenkainen's Faithful Sound: a noise that follows you everywhere

Lightning Dolt: Gain +20 move, but Int and Wis of 3

Alter Melf: The creator of many famous spells changes form.

Mordenkainen's S-word: One wizard swears, loudly ... or perhaps the room gets messy & smelly

 

[Drowbane]

Leomund's tiny mutt. Like Summon Monster, but kick-mes only

Leomund's tiny hutt. Summons a very small gastropod crime lord, with an adorable little "hooo hooo hooo" laugh.

Leomund's tiny smut. Welcome to the Internet!

...Ooo, what about Fish, instead of Wish, for those times you want to summon a sunfish, or if you want a random spell of 8th level or lower to come to your aid...

I was thinking a Fish (lower lvl Wish) spell would be kinda like the children's card game. You state what you want to happen and nine times out of ten you get "Sorry, go Fish!" in response.