”If you don’t take your seat, you can’t have any pudding!
How can you have any pudding if you don’t take your seat?”
I.
"Brothers and sisters, we are all sinners before Almighty Jesus!" bellowed the country pastor. "We are all unworthy! We are like snot to be blown out of Jesus' nose!" He was a rail-thin man, with grizzled, wispy hair around a bald crown. He had thick glasses, and a small mouth; he was a poster boy for mild-mannered. But when he was behind the pulpit of the little country church in Lulabel, Ohio, he was suddenly a different man. He seemed to grow to an unnatural stature, huge, dark and foreboding. His eyes gleamed, reflecting the very hellfire that he called on the populace to avoid by lives of absolute purity. And his voice pounded the entire building, stentorious, billowing in its depth and power.
"I'm unworthy!" said old man Kowalski. "I'm a gambler, a fornicator! Give me peace, sweet Jesus!" The pastor bellowed at Kowalski.
"Forsake your sins, man! You are hurting the Almighty Lord with your iniquity!
You cause him intense pain on the cross! He will burn you at the last day, you will rot in hell!" The congregation moaned and chanted. Old man Kowalski fell to the floor sobbing. An undertone of repeated "Praise the Lord!" "Hallelujah!" and other interjections created a ripple throughout the church.
Only a few people in the back didn't seem quite as swayed by the hysteria of the rest of the congregation. Horace Lumley was one such -- a middle-aged man, round about the middle, with a thick, long gray beard. He was wearing glasses, and has a wide, gentle face -- many of the local children say he's Santa Claus. Horace liked church, but he's never been a participant
per se; he never confessed his sins publicly, he never chanted or sang -- but he liked to sit in the back and listen to the preacher, and observe the townsfolk he'd known most of his life. Horace is a loner -- he has a small farm away from the tiny town, and he raises pigs and vegetables. In his spare time, he restores furniture -- actually a more lucrative endeavor, but one that he still views as a hobby, not a profession.
The townsfolk know Horace as a quiet man, a harmless man. He lives alone, but is nice -- he usually has a pocketful of hard candies for the youngsters when he sees them about town. One thing the town does not know about Horace is his secret, lifelong love of Melissa Burgess.
He watches her even at the church -- she also sits in the back, more absorbed with her husband -- her third, he knows -- than the service. She's always come to church too, but except for a brief time in her early
twenties, she's never been one of the more rabid members of the congregation. She's now a lean woman of forty-five, with short graying hair and a lined but strong face, with a sweet smile on it most of the time.
She's careworn, but unbowed. Horace thought she was just as beautiful now as she was in her early teens, when he first loved her.
"The devil is everywhere, sneaking' around, looking for ways to drag you down to hell and chain you to that awful lake of fire and brimstone. The only way to stay outta his way is CONSTANT VIGILANCE! Never let your guard down for a minute!"
Horace was distracted by the pastor and glanced away from Melissa for a minute. As his eyes panned the church, he caught a glimpse of a glare – a glare directed at him. He didn't recognize the face -- a stranger, and when he looked back, the moment was gone; he couldn't see the face looking at him anymore. But he had had a glimpse -- something had been there. He shivered momentarily, feeling a sudden wash of inquietude. The congregation was now on it's feet singing.
"Just build my mansion, next door to Jesus
And tell the angels I'm coming home
It doesn't matter who lives around me
Just so my mansion sits near God's throne."
Horace decided he had had enough religion for a Wednesday night. He stepped out into the cool autumn night and started walking for home.
II.
It's funny how dark it can be at night out in the country. Horace could barely follow the pale ribbon of the packed earth road, with the massive oaks, elms, alders, willows -- all lining the road like an honor guard, or perhaps grim spectators, like the kind that always gather around an accident. His feet rustled the fallen leaves on the side of the road steadily. It was the only sound save the occasional sighing, groaning or blustering of the wind, which picked up leaves and made them twitter madly through the air. Even the birds and the insects seem to have fallen completely silent.
Horace suddenly stopped in surprise. There
was another sound, actually -- very faint, but very alien. A sound that seemed like an interloper, a stranger, like the one he saw at the church. Looking up, he saw a faint glow in the sky. It was near the town -- there was always a glow there -- but different somehow, more intense, closer, encroaching on the countryside like a spreading plague. He stood still for a moment dully, then decided his curiosity had got the better of him after all. He quickened his pace, crossed the road, and took a small trail through the woods, crashing through the brush and branches like a bulldozer. He stumbled momentarily, his knees wet with the moldering leaves that coated the ground. Then he burst out of the woods and looked out over the small town. Below him was the Save-A-Lot, and in the vacant lot behind it...
A carnival had arrived and was setting up shop. Large trucks stood, mostly idling or shut off now, but there nonetheless, and a number of Ferris wheels and vomit comets were glinting dully in the starlight and reflected harsh lamplight from the parking lot beyond. Horace chuckled softly to himself. He realized he had been holding his breath for some reason; as if afraid of what he would find here. Partially to shake off the lingering doubt and tinge of unreasoning fear, he decided he'd leave the woods and stroll through the lot where the carnival was being set up.
Occasionally he saw one of the carnies hard at work, but for the most part, even they seemed to be gone, as if breaking for dinner, or perhaps even they were ephemeral; vanishing like bad dreams with the coming dawn. The carnival had the air of a ghost town -- the wind whipped through the nearly abandoned stalls and attractions.
But suddenly Horace did feel a presence; a very live presence. He could hear a strange sound that wasn't caused by the wind, but as if by some huge, pacing body on a trailer. Ahead of him he could see a thick cage, set apart, so spectators couldn't get too close -- and inside was a huge tiger, it's yellow eyes gleaming at him like hellfire; like the pastor's impassioned gaze. A deep rumble growled in the beast's throat, and Horace stared back transfixed. Even with the cage, the loneliness of the place made him feel vulnerable, a victim the tiger was eyeing like a deer or wild boar in it's native India. Horace backed away slowly, never taking his eyes from the creature. He backed over a thick guideline attached to the funhouse and fell over backwards. With a hoarse pant he scrambled to his feet and ran away from the tiger, from the killer, made his way back towards the woods. There he nearly collided with a man -- a stranger. The same stranger who he had seen at the church. The man did not move aside, nor excuse himself, but simply glared at Horace, who gulped and panted, running past him. He didn't stop until he reached the road.
The world seemed normal again -- the loneliness was the comforting one he was used to, not the strange, alien loneliness of the carnival. Horace was doubled over, his throat burned with each intake of the cool night air, and a stitch brought him to his knees. He rolled over to his back, his eyes staring at the brilliant night stars as his breath and heart slowly calmed down to their normal pace.
Why had the tiger so unsettled him? And who was that stranger, and what did he want? Why was he always following him? Horace pulled himself stiffly to his feet, his body now cold, wet and dirty, and walked the mile or two back to his house.
III.
Horace sighed and sank back into his chair. He was in his workshop now, the comforting glow of the naked light bulb chasing away the darkness of the walk home. That tiger -- there was something evil about that tiger, something blasphemous. He was a killer, a man-eater, Horace would swear to it. He didn't understand how he knew, but he simply did. Horace, despite his quiet lonely ways, was of course, very close to the forces of evil and death, and could spot one from afar.
He looked over again at the ethereal smoke creature that floated above his workbench
(picture #1). His own personal, pet demon, the fiery, smoky, familiar of hellfire and brimstone, his best and only friend, and his hated reminder of his days as a student of the occult. Smoky, as he unimaginatively nicknamed him, has been his prisoner, his companion, his jailer. They're relationship was complicated -- Horace feared the tiny creature, even as he nominally controlled him. It had a personality and cunning as slippery as the original tempting serpent, but Horace was determined not to play Eve's role in that drama. He had no interest in losing his soul to the devil, even as he took advantage of his minions for small favors.
But a dark thought had come to him, penetrating, painful -- like the rape of his mind by some blasphemous demon of the abyss. He trembled at the thought -- surely the Lord couldn't sanction such a thing; didn't David get condemned for just that? -- but he couldn't eject the thought from his mind. Over and over again it turned over in his head. "I don't have to go all the way through with it, though," he thought. "I can just scare him away." He trembled more than before, and sweat pored from his entire body. Soon the workshop was thick with the stink of it.
"OK!" he said, in a half sob. Smoky bobbed up and down excitedly, like a dog being invited to go on a walk. Horace sat listlessly on the ground, his eyes heavy. Soon his breathing became heavy too, like the pumping of huge wet bellows. And then, it stopped.
Horace could now see through the "eyes" of the smoke puff, the horrible demon pet that had lived in his house for the last twenty years. And, to a certain extent, he could control where the thing went. He could feel the tiny consciousness of the creature, arrogant, excited, malicious. He could see his own body, slumped comatose in a sitting position. Then he made the thing turn away. He slipped through a tiny crack in the window, reveling in the sense of flying, of squeezing through the glass, of wheeling over the forest. He flew so fast that the dark trees were a black blur underneath him. And then there was a faint light. He now zig-zagged through the carnival -- which was darker and lonelier than even before, but he no longer feared it. With a mad cackle from the demon that he could hear faintly in his mind's ear, he ducked into the lock on the tiger's cage, caressing the tumblers inside until it popped quietly open. Then, he ducked -- smoke-puff and all -- directly into the tiger's head.
Now he could see through the tiger's own yellow eyes. His sense of control was shaken somewhat -- he was controlling the tiger through Smoky, and his control of Smoky was tenuous already. He could feel the pent up rage, the bloodthirstiness of the tiger. He knew he was right; this tiger had killed men before. He tried to balk from his purpose, but his control of the demon wasn't firm enough -- or was it the tiger? It was hard for him to separate the tugging insistent wills that were overlaid with his own. Before he knew it, the door was open and the tiger was padding softly out of the carnival area and into the woods.
It was a nervous few minutes for Horace -- he tried to pull control back in, and consumed with his struggle of the wills, before he knew it, he was in front of the Burgess house. The tiger stopped and looked for a few minutes to see what it had seen. He could hear the shower running -- and the beautiful sound of Melissa, apparently singing from it. He saw her husband Art, laughing softly to himself as he stepped outside to pick up a log from the woodshed. The tiger started moving slowly towards him; Horace could feel the bloodlust rising in it's breast. He tried desperately to grip the will of the beast. He succeeded in keeping it from rushing headlong into a frenzied maul of the creature, but it still crept forward slowly. Art was almost on his porch now.
C'mon, Art! Move it! Get inside! Then with a sudden pop and a cackle of malicious glee from Smoky, his control was gone. He wasn't even inside the tiger anymore. He had concentrated too much on the tiger and not enough on Smoky, and the tricky devil had taken advantage of that to throw him out. His last thought before finding himself dry heaving and sweating on his workshop floor was seeing the tiger, roaring like a locomotive and pouncing on Art, it's claws and teeth flashing.
IV.
Horace stumbled madly through the house, shouting in desperation and rage; tearing through books and papers. He tripped over a coffee table, falling heavily and breaking his glasses. He got up again with a sob, his eyes wild. The broken glass of his spectacles had made a deep cut under his eye. He didn’t notice the dripping blood that stained his carpet.
In his bedroom, under his mattress, was a book. This book wasn’t like other books in the house; Horace never pulled it out or looked at it. Frankly, it always scared him; it was a palpable presence in the house. Even knowing that it was there, underneath him as he lay in bed, was often enough to keep him nervously awake at night, and he almost felt he could hear the book calling to him. He couldn’t tell if it was lulling him seductively, or simply outright cursing him, but he could swear the book had a voice that spoke in the back of his mind, one that tickled his consciousness just enough to remind him that it was there.
Horace found that book now. It was ancient and macabre – it was bound in a pale, smooth leather that always made Horace break out in a sweat, and the vellum that made up its pages was worn silky and yellow, like the strong teeth of a predatory animal – like those of a tiger. With a frantic energy, Horace flipped through the pages of the book now, and he could feel it, laughing at him triumphantly; scornfully. It turned right to the page he wanted, as if inviting him, as if it knew exactly what he came to it for. The page lit up in front of his eyes, like a gaping sore, like a beacon of hellfire. The most feared ritual of his occult days, the one he used to look at and titter about nervously. Nobody he knew personally had ever done it. But now he had to, for Melissa’s sake. To save her from the grisly fate he had inadvertently brought to her.
Quickly, his voice tremulous and strangely high-pitched and squeaky, he read aloud the words, enacted the rituals – then he suddenly was not in his house anymore.
Before him was the landscape of Hell itself – close walls of scorched and blasted brimstone loomed over him, but a path was also clearly laid out before him. The path he most feared to take. The path he must take.
(picture #3) Smoke and pale corpse-lights swirled around him, but Horace had no time to confront his fear. He saw the pale forms of corpses shuffling along quietly in tight lines, their heads down, harsh taskmasters yelling at them as they went, forcing them into seats of pain, dribbling coagulated blood like pudding. He simply swallowed hard, wiped the dank, stinking cold sweat from his forehead and moved forward. Moved forward to the very master of Hell itself.
It was the carny he had seen at Church. Horace blanched at the sight. “You… can deal with me?” he said hesitantly. Somehow, even knowing the deceitful nature of the devil, he had never expected him to come to Church, to foreshadow the terribly thing, the abomination, that he must do tonight.
The glaring man’s face crinkled into a smile. His skin went red, his teeth grew, his hair disappeared – he was now a figure of complete horror
(picture #2). “Would you prefer I take a more traditional look, Mr. Lumley? Would that make what you come to do easier?” He laughed a bit at Horace’s crestfallen face. “What, you think I don’t know exactly why you are here? My friend Smoky has been more clever than even you realized, Mr. Lumley. Why do you think I was in Lulabel Ohio,” and he said the words with a contempt that felt like a blow to Horace, “if not for you, my dear sir.”
Horace tried to speak, but was only able to manage a hoarse croak. He cleared his throat and rasped his request. “If you know what I want, then will you give it to me? I’m prepared to offer you something to save Melissa’s life; to stop the tiger before it kills her.”
The red-skinned man smiled; his face darted back to the face Horace had seen earlier tonight. “Very well, Mr. Lumley. The tiger will not kill Melissa. In return, upon your death, my agent will be along to collect you. Are the terms acceptable?”
Horace hung his head, and nodded weakly. The devil laughed again. “Well, then, you’ll be wanting to get back home, I imagine. A pleasure, Mr. Lumley. I hope we can do business again soon.” He laughed again, hard, cold, pitiless. Horace began to cry.
V.
His house looked like an earthquake had struck it. Furniture was broken and scattered, overturned and scattered crazily. The pigs were out of their pens, small pink ones, mostly – and they snorted and scampered about the house in a panic. Horace stumbled weakly out of his bedroom, his body and mind weary and caked with the smell of fear and cold sweat. On the floor in front of him was the body of the tiger, stone dead with staring eyes
(picture #4). Horace’s head swam and his vision blurred. Before he could stop himself he had fallen to his hands and knees and was vomiting on the floor.
A few minutes later, he came to himself in the bathtub, the shower running weakly over him. He must have stumbled in in a daze, not even sure what he was going. He let the water run on him for a good half hour more, until he felt strong enough to get up. He stumbled into the kitchen and downed coffee straight from the pot, even enjoying the scalding burns it left in his mouth and on his throat.
There was a light tap at this door. He looked out – the porch light was still on. It was Melissa. She paced nervously on his porch, her eyes red. Horace was dumbfounded. All the years he had known her, she had rarely acknowledged his existence. Was it possible she guessed his role in the night’s tragedy? He didn’t see how it could be. Slowly he undid the deadbolt and slipped the door open a crack. Melissa’s face looked in at him, vulnerable and hurt. At that moment, Horace loved her more than ever, his heart went out to this woman who had suffered so much tonight, because of him. The door opened wider.
Then Melissa’s face twisted into a cruel smile. She pounced in on Horace, like a tiger herself, twisting him painfully to the floor, breaking his arm. Then she laughed and spit in his face. Horace was too stunned to even feel the pain. “What? I don’t understand…” he mumbled.
Melissa shook her head and rolled her eyes at him as if he were an exceptionally stupid child. “Do you really think the Dark One was hear tonight because of you? Pig-farmer! Arrogant pig yourself! That was quite a bit of luck on my part – I gathered already two souls tonight, and then you walk in uninvited and offer yours as well! My Master will be pleased. Oh, your arrangement did call for his agent to collect your soul on your death, didn’t it? I suppose I’ll have to kill you to collect it, then. The letter of the contract must be fulfilled.” Melissa twisted his neck until the spinal column snapped. Horace’s world went black.
~ Fin
Note
/b] Actually, I just heard that Pink Floyd song while writing the last part of this, and thought I had to work in the imagery there somewhere. That's the poorest fit to the story, but hey -- even a serious piece of horror fiction's got to have a moment of silliness here and there, right?