Removing yourself from a gaming group

[Kae'Yoss]

We also had a couple of instants where people had the spotlight more than others:

In one game, my character was basically the most powerful bladesinger on the planet (epic games), and when the queen went missing, he was named as acting ruler of all elves (though, if you know the FR, you know that "all" part is mostly for show). Not that he did actually much ruling - he was more concerned with getting the queen back, so he left a council of elders in charge while he looked for the queen, tried to stop the BBEGs, and try to get the new elven subrace that seemed to appear out of nowhere to ally with the rest of the People - but he could have.

The other two characters didn't have such lofty positions, but the half-elf druid was ruler of the Verdant Order (or however that group where the Verdant Lords come from is called), and the elf wizard was head of a wizards' guild (and the town the guild was based in). And if he invested himself in elven dealings and culture instead of grasping wealth and power whenever he could, not caring for the problems of his race, he probably could have attained a lot of status, too.
I had a blast in that campaign, and so did the other two, especially the druid. The wizard not quite as much, but that was his fault: In a good campaign, his character was CN (officially, most of his actions were CE). No wonder the other two party members didn't trust him and he couldn't get quite as far as he wanted in some endeavours, and didn't have the trust of his good aligned party members. But that guy's always playing characters that are contrary. It doesn't matter what it is, the player finds a way not to cooperate with the party too well.


In another campaign, one character was the descendant of someone pretty important and with the powers he inherited (mostly "able to use plot device X", mind you) responsible for the survival of a whole subrace. The rest of the group still had a great time. It was the same DM as before, and if anyone would have been unconfortable with anything, he'd have changed it, both in this campaign and the other one.

There's nothing at all wrong with secrets within the party. Just like in real life, who tells *all* their friends *everything*? And, PvP play is not always unhealthy; sometimes, it's better than the adventure!

Only if everyone's fine with that. And this should be discussed before the first die is rolled.

I personally had some bad experiences with this (though I must say that at least some of it was due to a jerk who was too dumb to keep character and player apart), so I'm against PvP unless I'm convinced that it will prove beneficial, and the players are able to handle it properly.

 

[Jack99]

Secret notes are good because it eliminates some issues about metagaming. As long as players dont abuse them to plan killing each other, I dont see what argument against it could be put forward.

 

[robberbaron]

I feel so sorry for the players who have suffered from crap DMs/groups.

I have never walked from a group (with some subtractions/additions, my group is effectively the same one we started at college in 1980) though I have declined to participate in some games.

The worst time we had was when my character had died and the DM offered me a semi-homebrew PrC, which he said had been thought up for one of the other players.
Fine, I thought, and it was fun for a bit until;
1 the 'other' player finds that my new one has started to overshadow him and decides to take no further part.
2 another player, having had his first character choice DM-nerfed and left the game, came back with a different character and felt he had been nerfed again and left again.
3 my character was kind of at the centre of things. The story was a railroad with me in the first carriage and I got tired of that.
Also, I felt that the DM was stingy with both XPs and GPs.

Not too long afterward we had a TPK, played one more session with a new party and gave up afterwards.

 

[Graybeard]

The only times I ever left a group was due to a scheduling conflict with work. After a couple of times not being able to show up, I told the DM that I would have to leave the group for awhile due to work. Anytime I am unable to pay even for one session, I always let the DM know. Unfortunately, not every player is as thoughtful and considerate.

 

[buzz]

There's nothing at all wrong with secrets within the party.

Right. I'm more concerned about secrets within the game group. You want your rogue to do something that my paladin doesn't know about, fine. Why you the player and the DM need to keep that secret from me, the player, is what I take issue with.

Fair enough, but I'm there to play my PC...and, it's *my* PC, so if I'm leaving I'd prefer to take it with me. Out of consideration for the game, finding an in-character rationale just makes sense.

What prevents you from taking the piece of paper with your PC's game stats on it? Does the DM keep your sheet locked in a box or something?

Why should someone who's unhappy playing with the group have to navigate some sort of in-game narrative in order to physically leave the group? Isn't the onus on the remaining members to create an in-game reason for your PC's removal, assuming they even care about explaining it?

I apologize for being a stickler on this point. But an in-game approach to solving a very out-of-game problem seems bass-ackwards to me.

 

[Doug McCrae]

I played a single session with a group at uni and didn't go back cause it was sh-t. Some wacky homebrew system. PCs could control other PCs by making fast talk or seduction rolls. And they seemed to succeed on anything but a '1'. My character was seduced by a big fat guy playing a hot chick. Then I had to roll for the sex and got a '1'. There was some PvP at some point too, some PCs attacked other PCs in their sleep. There were two GMs - a boyfriend and girlfriend duo.

All the warning signs were there, really. One of the worst gaming sessions I've been in. It wasn't out-and-out dysfunctional, it was all done in good humour, no one got angry at the PvP for instance, but it just wasn't very good.

 

[buzz]

Secret notes are good because it eliminates some issues about metagaming. As long as players dont abuse them to plan killing each other, I dont see what argument against it could be put forward.

The kindest argument is that, by keeping things secret from the other players, you're depriving them of a lot of entertainment. You and the DM are excluding the other people at the table from potential fun. It's hard for me, as someone else at the table, to really give a hoot about your PC if not privy to most of what they do. You're also, to a certain extent, making me sit there doing nothing while you and the DM go off and scribble notes to each other.

The less kind argument is the implication that your table isn't capable of separating player knowledge from character knowledge, which in turn touches on issues people may have with "getting screwed" by the DM or other players (e.g., "issues about metagaming"). There's a whole can of worms here, IMO.

Ergo, while I won't dismiss note-passing as inherently bad, I do stand by my belief that it's a red flag. Any group whose play consists of furious note-passing and sidebars with the GM is most likely a group I'm not going to enjoy playing with. This was certainly a factor in the group I mentioned leaving up-thread.

 

[Halivar]

I tried to leave my group once, because I was sick of cardboard-cutout party members, power-gamers, and cheaters (not kidding). The DM had laid down a fairly strong plot-hook, and my character bit. The other players decided adventuring was too dangerous, and decided to stay put in some remote location, doing mundane jobs until something important happened. The DM told me I would have to write up a new character since my old character was now off adventuring.

Since this was the second time in a row this had happened, I decided to leave. I told the DM I wanted a more kick-in-the-door style of play, and the group did not fit my style. The DM asked me, as a special favor as a friend, to stay in the game. As the only roleplayer in the group, I was also the only person who actually bit on plot-hooks and moved game-play forward. I decided to stay in the group, and became more assertive in forcing the other players into the plot. Shortly after my new character died (in a very satisfying, spectacular plot-fashion), I learned that the other party members were conspiring to kill my character.

I'm still thinking about leaving. It depends on how the next few months play out.

 

[TheYeti1775]

Note passing:
Do it all the time. Nothing wrong with it in the least. One time the DM passed me a note that said 'roll your twenty twice look worried, it means nothing, thanks' It made for a good fun joke.
Many of my 'to DM' notes involve 'does this have to do with my characters _____?' if I had done a real detailed background. Or their might have been side business that was taken care of without other Players knowledge. The Paladin's Player has no need to know I was looking for Poisons while in town.
The best thing for notes are Readied Actions. Cause they are all going off at once, and most of us will Meta that without realizing we are.

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Back to OP:
Have tried a few groups, wouldn't call it a walk out except for one time in Okinawa while in the Marines. Their version of play was a open the book and fight this one, then go 10' down the corridor (turn page in Monster Manual) and fight this one.

 

[buzz]

I'm still thinking about leaving. It depends on how the next few months play out.

Months?!?! Dude, leave. Life is too short.