D&D 5E Rename the Monster Manual

[Ruin Explorer]

Treasure hordes are the property of the people. Of course the Capitalist swine want to swoop in a abscond with them to fuel the filthy fires of captial. Kobolds of the world unite! The uprising is at hand, sons and daughters of the dragon! Revolution!!
- quote from Das Treasure Horde, by Kobold Marx

Thanks for writing my next Dungeon World character for me!

 

[R_J_K75]

basement dwelling, greedy, violent thugs!

Sounds like all my friends.

 

[Baldurs_Underdark]

I see no objections to renaming the Monster Manual to Anthology of Antagonists as suggested earlier which is a really cool name. Except someone else will take offense at "antagonists", and demand something more neutral.

Nothing is equal in the world of D&D, and forcing equality into the game will only destroy it. Racism is obviously a thing in D&D because there are races. That's the key difference between the real world where there is only one race: humans.

I wish people would stop attacking symbols and actually do something. Go to a poor school where lots of minorities are getting much worse education than white kids in rich neighborhoods and just help out with whatever that school needs. That's gonna help a lot more than renaming the Monster Manual.

 

[WayOfTheFourElements]

Treasure should no longer be found in dungeons. It sets children along the path to jail time, mistakenly unaware that prisons are not a get rich quick scheme.

 

[Mirtek]

Nothing is equal in the world of D&D, and forcing equality into the game will only destroy it.

What makes one turn neutral? Is it the lust for power and wealth? Or are some just born with a heart full of neutrality?

 

[Fenris-77]

Treasure should no longer be found in dungeons. It sets children along the path to jail time, mistakenly unaware that prisons are not a get rich quick scheme.

That said, prisons are, much as dungeons, a wonderful place to hone certain skill sets not easily acquired in more civilized environs.

 

[WayOfTheFourElements]

What turns one neutral? Is it the lust for power and wealth? Or are some just born with a heart full of neutrality?

Neither. Blaming both nature and nurture are politically incorrect. Instead, you must opt for mysterious option C.

 

[R_J_K75]

I wish people would stop attacking symbols and actually do something. Go to a poor school where lots of minorities are getting much worse education than white kids in rich neighborhoods and just help out with whatever that school needs. That's gonna help a lot more than renaming the Monster Manual.

Or how about go there and donate a couple copies of the core rules and some dice and teach them how to play. I learned so much from playing and met and played with alot of great people over the last 30+ years. Id reckon that might keep a few kids off the streets.

 

[Oofta]

While we're at it we should probably take a look at some of the other problematic aspects of D&D.

• The game is far too violent. From now on, all weapons are nerf weapons and all combat is either a game of tag or rock paper scissors.
• The word "spells" is problematic as it is prejudiced against those who have difficulty spelling. It will be replaced by "YOLO", or any words that are reasonably close.
• Dungeons were typically places of imprisonment and torture which is icky. Dungeons will therefore be replaced with Cottages. Everybody likes cottages, right?
• Dragons sounds too much like people that like to wear drag and dragons are evil. Therefore dragons will be replaced by kittens. Anybody who has ever tried to tag a kitten that does not want to be will realize how much of a challenge it can be. That and they always win rock paper scissors because it always becomes rock paper "why are you attacking my hand in the cutest way possible?"

So now the game becomes cottages and kittens. But that doesn't really sound very evocative so how about kittens in cottages. In order to have alliteration (which is very important to the D&D brand) and to avoid possible copyright infringement we should also rename cottages with a "k". We also want to emphasize the YOLO part so add that in too.

The new game will then, of course be "KinKY". For all those knotty situations you get into of course.

 

[R_J_K75]

That said, prisons are, much as dungeons, a wonderful place to hone certain skill sets not easily acquired in more civilized environs.

Sharpen a spoon into a prison shank. Make hooch out of toilet water and moldy bananas. Tattoo guns out of a radio, bic pen and guitar string.