Save me from my DM

[Squnk]

I just started a new campaign with my group, one member of our group started DMing for the first time. The only problem is he is very controlling over the campaign and very critical of us players, almost to the point to where it isn't fun to play.

I understand he is new to it so it is going to take some trial and error as well as some input from the rest of us to help refine his DM skills, which we drop as blunt but as polite when we can and have tried talking to him. But the problem always stills seems to be us. I was hoping to get some advise before we destroy all the prep that went into his campaign.

Like I said this is his first time DMing and he is a friend but he is really taking the fun out of the game. There are more complaints but those aren't as big of a deal, I just want to find a better way of handling this situation before it comes to the point where we have to fight against him.

 

[Rune]

Ask him if he would accept written feedback at the end of each session, then be constructive!

Don't just say what didn't work for you. Tell him what he might try that will.

However, when you say that your DM is critical of you as players, what do you mean? If he just doesn't respect you, the above suggestion cannot work, but if he is frustrated about something, it would be best to find out what the real problem is, so it can be resolved.

 

[Mighty Halfling]

Sit down at a donut shop days before the session and just get him to talk about what his plans are. He's probably very excited about DMing and just sees it as "his" story. Ask him how you (and the rest of the players) can work within his framework. Then explain that the framework he has built is to be filled in by him and the players.

By separating this from the actual game day, you might be able to get him to think a little clearer on it.

You didn't mention is he critical of rules application or your story decisions?

 

[Azmyth]

Life is too short for bad gaming!
Stress the fact that you are not having fun and that is the reason you play.

Point out his shortcomings as a GM and if it doesn't improve, quit the game.

Friend of no, if you're not enjoying it, don't do it. Nothing like a player revolt to reality check someone in the right direction (or out of the GM seat) if that's what needs to happen...

 

[IronWolf]

If the group isn't having fun, then having a talk about it would be the right direction to take. It can start with highlighting some of the things that seem to work well and also include the things that are not working well for the group. Hopefully he seems receptive to it and things can start on the path towards improvement.

 

[Zelda Themelin]

Not all people work well as dm. It's too bad, if his personality takes fun away. It's bit same as some people in RL work become boss, and changes into control freak and cause grief to people who have to work under him. Even if he was nice person before that position or still outside job. Dm position gives power, and some people react to getting power become controllive and over-critical. In this case he doesn't take critique well, or ignores it. It's likely it never gets better and he ends up being real joy-kill as dm.
And he will always say it's your fault.


If you are lucky, it's just nerves. He kida wants to succeed really badly, and is very nervous of failure. And so he wants it go "perfectly", but ends up ruining it by trying too hard. In this case try to give him and change and find ways to get him to relax, and don't be too judgemantal. He might actually become good DM in this case, if you treat him right. But you have to find nice way to tell he needs to relax and loosen up. Help him see it makes things better not worse for geme. Too much critique in this case makes hm kinda get into turtle mode and become extreamely defensive.


You are perhaps best person to tell which one is nearer to truth if neither.

If it doesn't get better, find way to get off the game. Not all people make good bosses and not all people make good dm:s. Give him some time though, and if he is more like case 2, give him bit more time. And when giving feedback try to bring out positeve things instead of things he needs to change. Even less touchy people become defensive when friends are loading him with criticue and all he wanted was to create fun game.

After all the work of preparing for it, he probably has connected himself to it, like way, if you say you don't like something in npc or place etc, he takes it personally.

 

[Rune]

Not all people work well as dm. It's too bad, if his personality takes fun away. It's bit same as some people in RL work become boss, and changes into control freak and cause grief to people who have to work under him. Even if he was nice person before that position or still outside job.

...Or, he might just need to be trained up, just like a newly promoted boss in RL. Nobody starts out skilled in something they haven't done before. Give him a chance, but help him along.

If he doesn't want to hear it, let him know that you are all invested in the game and respect goes two ways.

 

[Dark Mistress]

I would need more info before I could offer advice. Controlling in what ways? Making you roll in front of him? Keeping the character sheets between games? How is he critical of the players? Whats going on at the times he does that. etc? Knowing that stuff and some examples would help a lot I think so we might know how best to advise you on how to help resolve it.

But as someone else already said, not everyone is a good GM.

 

[Mark Chance]

There's always the old stand-by: Kill him and take his stuff.

 

[IronWolf]

I would need more info before I could offer advice. Controlling in what ways? Making you roll in front of him? Keeping the character sheets between games? How is he critical of the players? Whats going on at the times he does that. etc? Knowing that stuff and some examples would help a lot I think so we might know how best to advise you on how to help resolve it.

I do agree with this as well. Some specific examples will likely get some more specific advice as opposed to the generic "what to do with a problem DM/player" advice - which generally just boils down to communicate with each other.