[Somewhat OT] Gaming buddy w/ girlfriend problem

[hunter1828]

I feel very lucky, as some others that have posted probably do, too, that I don't have this problem. My wife took to gaming like a fish to water when I introduced her to D&D a few months before we got married.

Our current group includes one other married guy. His wife is not a gamer but she doesn't mind him gaming. It's one of his hobbies and she knows he enjoys it. He also knows that his wife is in no way inclined to game, so he doesn't even ask. His biggest problem is actually his 16 year old daughter who thinks her dad is a "geek!"

As far as advice, I would go with what others have stated. Stop trying to get her to game AND stop doing things with her he doesn't enjoy. Three possibilities will come of this:

1. They will each enjoy their own activities seperately then enjoy each others company later.

2. They will argue over the fact that they don't do enough with each other and split up (seen it happen a dozen times).

3. They will realize spending time with one another is enjoyable and BOTH will comprimise to make an effort to enjoy the others activities. This would be, IMO, the best possibility.

 

[Teflon Billy]

...One of the players in my game is having some problems with his girlfriend. He's really into gaming, but she really isn't interested at all- although she doesn't give him any grief about gaming with us....

In my experience, this is about as good as it's going to get.

I will say this though:if either party in a relationship feels that they "must" do things they dilike/have no interest in, it will build resentment. This resentment will fester and, if any other probem should appear in the rleationship, it will fuel that problem.

I say just let her do her own thing while he does his, Surely they have some interests in common or what would thy be doing together?

It is not necessary to do every single thing as a couple.

 

[Mark]

Its really upsetting this player that she won't make time to do something with him he enjoys when he makes that sacrifice for her.

I mean this with the best of possible intentions but you should stay out of it. It isn't good for their relationship for someone else to be meddling in it and it isn't good for your relationship with your friend, either. If he needs or wants advice, leave it to him to seek it and act on it as he determines is necessary. You and the other gamers have let her know she is welcome and if she changes her mind and wants to join in, she knows that she can. That is really all you can do without crossing a line you really should not cross. Pushing it can drive it to a place where it is a choice for him between his friends and her. Leave well enough alone or you risk causing problems which, if I am understanding your good intentions correctly, it seems is the last thing you want to do.

 

[333 Dave]

Wait a second here... lemme get this straight: A gamer has a girlfriend?

 

[Darrin Drader]

Wait a second here... lemme get this straight: A gamer has a girlfriend?

Yeah, I'm confused too. I thought gamers just had these sad solitary geeky lives until they one day miraculously acquire a wife and have kids. Where does dating and girlfriends enter into this?

 

[Darkness]

Wait a second here... lemme get this straight: A gamer has a girlfriend?

Given the large number of gamers that exist today, it was inevitable that it happened sooner or later.

 

[Tarrasque Wrangler]

Given the large number of gamers that exist today, it was inevitable that it happened sooner or later.

I want to say something here about an infinite number of monkeys and typewriters but maybe it's best left unsaid.

I say kick her to the curb.

 

[boschdevil]

Given the large number of gamers that exist today, it was inevitable that it happened sooner or later.

As for some of us to get married, you've got to think that those odds are astromonical ...

Seriously, I agree with the thoughts of (a) stay out of it and (b) it is normal for significant other to not want to be a part of gaming. Whenever we game at my house, my wife goes to her parents to spend time with them. It is not like she hates my friends, but more that she just doesn't really like gaming.

 

[megamania]

My wife and I have been married for over 10 years now. She dosen't game. She has tried it a few times. Vampire: the Masquerade seemed to catch her fancy for a while, but all in all she dosen't enjoy it. She prefers physical activity (biking, Racketball and Dancing) to games of the Imagination. Sometimes I rib her on it, sometimes she gets upset when I return at 2 in the morning from gaming but all in all she understands it.

I am in the same boat as Gothmog's friend. She (except for once per 2-3 years) won't play Role Playing Games but gets miffed if I don't go out dancing with her at least once a month and do otherthings when weather permits.

Guess what- this is the same if I fished, hunted or some other hobby. Don't worry about it. Be considerate of each other continue as is so long as everyone is happy.

 

[Gothmog]

Thanks for the advice so far guys. We were't going to try to force anything to happen, my group just wanted to know if there was anything we could do to help her feel more comfortable with it. Its upsetting him because I think he feels like he is willing to put a time investment into her activities, but she isn't for his. I think the best thing is to let them sort things out and DEFINITELY not say anything or get involved.

BTW, all of the guys in my group have girlfriends/wives, and my girlfriend and another guy's wife game with us every time. The odds are what...like 1 in a bajillion of that?!?!?